Ugly(31)

“Shit, Lily. We gotta go. Our break’s almost over.”

We both stand and start walking back to the store, and just as we reach it, I see Mr. Hackly’s car parked outside with Trent leaning against the car. “I’ll meet you inside,” I tell Shayne and jog over to Trent. “Hey,” I say.

“Where the fuck were you?” he asks and grabs the top of my arm and pulls me toward him.

“Shayne took me out for lunch.”

“Who the hell is this Shayne guy?”

“No, it’s not like that. Shayne’s the girl who I was walking back with. We went to the deli and then to the park around the corner to eat.”

“Yeah right, Lily. Like a girl has a name like Shayne. Shayne’s a damn guy’s name. I don’t fucking believe you.” He squeezes his fingers tighter around the top of my arm.

“Ow. You’re hurting me,” I say as I look at his hand, then back into his angry brown eyes. His face is livid, he looks so mad with me. “Come inside, I’ll introduce you to her.” He lets out a ragged breath, and his eyes hold on to his fury, his rage clearly consuming him. And this now scares me, because he’s reminding me of how Dad was. “Please don’t be angry with me,” I say trying to calm him.

His grip lessens slightly, as I cuddle into him and lay my head on his shoulder. “Okay, introduce me,” he says in a calmer tone.

“Thank you.” I stretch my neck up and kiss him on the lips. “Thank you,” I repeat.

“Just introduce me,” he says sourly. We walk hand in hand into the store, and Shayne is already working.

“Hurry up, Lily,” she says, as she looks over her shoulder toward the rear of the store.

I quickly get in and check my register, and do every step Shayne has showed me up to now. “Shayne, this is Trent, Trent this is Shayne.”

“Nice to meet you,” she joyfully says. “Sorry, but we’re busy. Maybe we’ll hang out one time after work or something.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Trent says. Then he turns to me and kisses me chastely on the lips. “I’ll pick you up at five. Bye, baby. I love you.” He doesn’t leave though. He stands and waits for me to say something to him.

“Thank you.” I start to scan my first customer’s groceries. But Trent still doesn’t leave. “I’ll be ready by five.”

“That’s it?” he challenges as he looks over to Shayne then back to me. “I love you,” he says again.

He wants me to say it back to him. I don’t know what love is. It’s never been given to me, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever given it to anyone. I like Trent. When he doesn’t get angry with me, he’s nice. He can be fun, caring, and protective. But love? I don’t know what it is. Maybe I do love him, maybe this is what it feels like.

I smile at him as I keep scanning the lady’s groceries. “I love you,” I say for the first time in my life. But, I feel nothing. They’re just words, just like any other in the English spoken language. Maybe that’s all they are. Just words.

Trent smiles and winks at me. “Bye, babe. Nice to meet you, Shayne.” He waltzes out of the store.

“He’s really cute,” says the lady I’m serving. “Nice eyes.” I smile at her, and continue with my work.

Finally, about half an hour before I finish, there’s a break in the customers and Shayne taps me on the shoulder. “Your boyfriend is super cute.”

“He is,” I agree with her.

“Love how he waited for you to tell him you love him.”

“Yeah.” I turn away to avoid her questions. She’s nice, really nice, but I don’t want to talk about Trent and how cute or anything else she may think of him.

“You up to anything tonight?” she sweetly asks.

“I’m not sure.” I lie. I really don’t want to tell her what Trent wants from me, and what I’ll have to give him. “Customer,” I whisper. But deep down I’m thankful I have to work because I want to avoid her questions.

She may think these are all harmless things she wants to know, and to most people, they are. But they aren’t to me. I don’t want to talk about them. It’s no one’s business.

The rest of my shift goes by fast. Shayne shows me how to close out my cash drawer at the end of the day and everything else I need to do as I finish work. I’m ready to leave when Stacey calls me into her office.

“How was your day?” she asks as she sits behind her desk and watches me stand beside the door.

“Good. Shayne showed me how to do a lot of things.”