Ugly(126)
“My offer is there unconditionally. And once I find a private investigator, I can put him or her in touch with you and you can deal with it directly and share with me the information you choose.”
I cut into my succulent steak and exhale. “You really are something else.”
“Now, can I ask you a question?” I nod as I chew the delicate and juicy piece of meat. “Do you want kids?”
The question takes me by surprise. Considering my past and the number of miscarriages I’ve had, I’m not sure I can put that kind of strain back on my body or my mind. “I was pregnant. Many times. Five to be exact. But…” I put my knife and fork down and feel myself starting to tear up. “He beat me, and I lost every one of the babies.”
“I knew of one.” Of course he does. He sat by my bed and fed me.
“I haven’t grown up in a loving environment. I don’t know what it is. I don’t understand it. Would I like a child? I’m not sure I could show her or him what love is, because I don’t know how to convey it. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be able to have sex again. Trent was my first, and he wasn’t very nice to me.” I smile, however I know there’s no joy in the hurt I’m showing.
“I want to be your last, Lily.” Max reaches out to hold my hand. “I want to show you what it feels like to love and be loved. I want to be the one you wake up to for the rest of your life.”
“It’s been months already, and all we do is kiss and hold hands.”
“I don’t care.”
“But?” I add, waiting for the condition. The ‘you better be ready soon or I’ll go elsewhere.’
“But what?”
“The catch to your I don’t care, what is it? You’ll give me until Christmas, then you’ll start looking elsewhere?”
“I’m not Trent, Lily. If it takes you five lifetimes to simply lay next to me in my bed, then I’ll wait those five lifetimes. I don’t want anyone else. I’m not even interested in anyone else. I’m not a player. I never have been. I want a family, I want a wife, and I want those things with you.”
“You want to marry me?” What on earth is going on?
“Not right now, but eventually, yes. You have a long way to go, but I have no intention of not being by your side for every step you take.”
He is the sweetest man I’ve ever known, and as I sit and eat dinner I keep looking up at him. “You really are perfect,” I say.
“So are you, Snowflake.”
The weather is warming up, and I’m moving. I can’t believe it’s the middle of March already, and today is moving day for me. I’ve bought a sofa and bedroom set and arranged to have them delivered to my new apartment.
Shayne is in my room, helping me pack my clothes and shoes. “Are you looking forward to next weekend?” I ask Shayne as she transfers my clothes from the drawers into a borrowed suitcase.
“Oh God yes. Liam’s dad told us he wants to buy another tire shop, and give it to Liam and me.”
“But you two run the one you’re in now.”
“Yeah, but apparently that was our trial, to see how we’d do. He said,” she lowers her voice and puffs out her chest. “You kids have proven to me you can run a place at a profit. I want to buy you your own, what do you say? Geez, Lily. It’s good, you know? But at the same time, I don’t want to have to go through all the stress of going into a rundown place and building it up from scratch. Liam and I can do it, because we work well together, but you know…,” she stops talking and looks at me. I’m nodding in support of her. “We’ve been trying for a baby for a while now, and we can’t get pregnant. And if he buys a rundown workshop and expects us to get it up from scratch, I’m not sure I’ll be able to cope with the pressure.” She stops folding the clothes and sits on the bed.
“You should talk to him, Shayne. Tell him how you feel.” This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen Shayne. She’s never worn her heart on her sleeve like this.
“I don’t know,” she says wistfully. “I don’t want to disappoint him, because he really has done so much for Liam and me. But at the same time, I’m at the stage where I want to start a family, too. I’d like to have a baby before I’m thirty-five, because time is just too short. I mean, it was only yesterday I was living in the garage which was converted and babysitting. And today I’m sitting in the bedroom with my best friend, crying because I can’t have a baby.”
“Shayne,” I say as I move to hug her. She lets her head fall to my shoulder and she cries for a moment. There’s nothing really I can say, or if there is, I don’t know the words.