His chest rises and falls, and his beautiful face contorts into a picture of tragedy as he looks away.
My trembling grows frenetic in the quiet that follows. I want to scream at the injustice of it. I want to throw myself on the floor and curse the cruelty of love. I want to throat-punch anyone who says the heart knows things the mind can’t explain, because my heart is a loser. It’s wired to wreak me. Not just once, but over and over. And I’m scared. So fucking afraid of how this will end.
“Goddammit,” he whispers achingly, clasping his fingers on his head as he paces. “I’m not giving up on us. I won’t.”
“Look at us, Cole.” My shoulders slump. “We’re miserable.”
“So what?” He whirls toward me. “Yeah, it’s going to suck. Big deal. We’ll work through it. We’ll fight and shout and say hurtful things, because that’s what people do when they care, and I care more than you’ll ever know.”
His hands fall to his hips, and his gaze drifts over my shoulder, hardening into a murderous glare.
I turn and find Trace standing at the bottom of the stairs. Fingers resting in the pockets of his jeans and chin angled down, he watches us from beneath a scowling brow.
“How long have you been here?” How did I not hear him?
“You said asshole, and I figured you were talking about me.” His scowl twitches, giving me a trace of a smile.
I face him fully and don’t smile back. “If you knew there was a chance Cole would return, why did you propose to me? No more bullshit, Trace. I want a straight answer.”
“I didn’t know he planned to retire.”
My mouth opens, closes, and I glance back at Cole. “Is that true?”
“I guess I never mentioned it.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “It’s none of his business.”
“You told him about my pussy ring. I’m pretty sure that was none of his business. But quitting a job you shared with him, retiring from something you were born to do? That very much qualifies as something you would tell your best friend.”
Cole stares at me, complexion ashen. Dragging a hand across his mouth, he paces to the futon and perches on the edge. Bending over his lap with his hands laced together, he bounces a leg and scatters nervous energy through the room.
“When you asked me to watch over her…” Trace stands still, his tone accusing. “You said it could be an ongoing thing.”
I whip my head toward Cole. “You lied to me?” My heart beats against my chest so violently I have to cough a few times to get it back under control. “You said—”
“I know what I said.” His brown eyes thrash with unwavering adamancy. “It wasn’t an easy decision. The job was a part of me. I know you understand that. It would be like asking you to give up dancing.”
The air evacuates my lungs. “I couldn’t.”
“Exactly. But the night I told you I was leaving for a year, I knew it would be my last mission. My job endangered you. It separated me from you.” He drops his gaze to the floor and lowers his voice. “With all those miles and years between us, it became very clear just how easy it would be to give it up. And I did. I quit the moment I returned to the States.”
He lets me chew on that, watching me with yearning and desperation.
The only sounds in the basement are our heavy breaths and the tick of the analog clock on the wall. It’s only eight in the morning, and the constant strain of the past two hours is starting to wear on me. I should be in bed, with Trace, dreaming of wedding plans.
I press my thumb against the silver band on my finger. Trace knew there was a chance Cole would come back, but he thought Cole would just leave me again. And again and again. That realization spider-webs through my mind, weaving all of Trace’s actions, desires, and impulses into a sticky net of protectiveness.
“You didn’t want me to be alone anymore.” I peer up at Trace, hating the worry pulling at his scowl.
“I fell in love with you, Danni, and with that comes a responsibility. Your happiness and safety trumped my loyalty to Cole.” Sadness darkens his expression. “You’re all that I am, and the moment I accepted that, protecting you was no longer a favor or a job. It became a prerogative.”
“So you bound me to you.”
“No, I bound myself to you.” His eyes flash to Cole and return to me. “I’m sick over the position that puts you in. But I will never regret the way I feel about you.”
Cole jumps to his feet. “How about instead of proposing to her, you waited until I came home? Who she spends her life with is her choice, her decision to make after she has all the facts.”