Maybe, I thought, that was the first step in correcting my need for Vivian's approval. After all, Marge had been right about my reasons for racing to the studio earlier; even after yesterday's lunch, I'd still wanted Vivian's approval, not London's. If there was anything positive to come out of it, it was that I realized that Vivian was making it easier for me to not want her approval; why try when it simply wasn't possible? And if she happened to give it, I doubted whether that would change anything.
I pushed through the door, wondering if this was the first step in fixing this particular character flaw of mine when I heard my name being called out.
"Russ?"
I recognized the voice and spotted Emily waving from a table, a newspaper spread before her, a glass of tea on the table. With her luxurious hair curling in the heat and a casual, low-cut T-shirt tucked into faded jeans shorts and sandals, she was beautiful in an earthy, natural way. The sight of her made my irritation melt, and I realized that she was the very person I'd wanted to see, even if I hadn't been consciously aware of it. "Oh, hey Emily," I responded, unable to suppress a smile. Instead of getting in line, I found myself heading toward her table, almost on autopilot. "Long time, no see. How are you?"
"I'm good," she said with a genuine smile. "My schedule's been crazy for the past few weeks."
Mine, too, I thought. "What's been going on?"
"I had to finish some pieces for the gallery, but David's been in town, too. And that meant a whole lot of running around."
"You mentioned that he'd be around. How much longer is he staying?"
"It's his last weekend. He'll be flying back to Sydney on Tuesday."
As she spoke, I caught the glint of reflected light in her hazel eyes, triggering memories that seemed to make the years roll backward. I motioned toward the counter and the words were out before I could stop them. "Will you be here for a few minutes? I was thinking about getting some iced tea."
"I'll be here," she said. "The raspberry tea is fantastic."
I went to the counter and ordered; I took her advice and when it was ready, I brought my glass to the table. She'd just finished folding up the paper, making room, as I took a seat.
"Anything interesting in the paper?"
"A lot of bad stuff. It gets old. I wish there were more stories about good things."
"That's why they have the sports section."
"I suppose. But only if your team wins, right?"
"If they lose, I skip the sports section."
It wasn't particularly funny, but she laughed anyway. I liked that. "What's been going on with you?" she asked. "I haven't seen you in forever."
"I wouldn't even know where to start."
"Did you film those commercials like you wanted? For the lawyer?"
"I did. They're being finalized in the editing room now, and the first one will hopefully air in about two weeks. I'm filming another one for him next week. And I also signed a plastic surgeon as a client."
"Is he any good? In case I need his services?"
"I hope so," I said. "But you don't need any work done."
"Good answer," she said, "even if it's not true. And congratulations on the new account. I know you were worried and I'm glad it's working out for you."
"I'll need another few clients before I breathe a sigh of relief, but I do feel like I'm finally on the right track."
"And you've lost some weight, I notice."
"Fifteen pounds."
"Did you want to lose weight? Because I didn't think you needed to lose any in the first place."
I couldn't help comparing her response to Vivian's, when she'd mentioned my jowls.
"I'm still a few pounds from where I want to be. I've started running again, doing push-ups, all that good stuff."
"Good for you. I can tell it's working. You look great."
"You, too," I said. "So … what have you been up to? You said you had to finish some gallery pieces?"
"I've been working nonstop. For some reason, virtually all of my pieces at the gallery sold in just a few days last month. Different buyers, different states. I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with the cycle of the moon or whatever, but the gallery owner called me and asked if I had more work to display. Long story short, I had a bunch of partially completed paintings, and I decided to try to finish them. I completed eight, but the others … they are going to take more time. I've spent a lot of time staring or repainting or adding different media … it's like they're trying to tell me what they should end, but for some reason, I'm just not able to hear all of them."
"They do wonderful things with hearing aids these days."
"Really," she said, feigning wonder. "I didn't know that. Maybe that's the answer."
"It's about as much help as I can offer. I'm not an artist."
She laughed. "How was London this morning? Bodhi couldn't wait to see her. I'd say he has a crush on her, but he's too young for something like that."
It would have been easy to lie and say something innocuous, but sitting across from Emily, I didn't want to.
"I don't actually know how she was. She was with Vivian this morning."
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Vivian forgot to bring the vase she was supposed to paint. I had to bring it to her."
"Yeah," Emily nodded, "I heard about that project as soon as I got there. We weren't here last week, so I guess Bodhi will be making his vase today. He's in there with David right now and I guess they're kind of on their own."
"I suppose I should ask why you're here, then."
"I brought Bodhi. David met us here. He's been staying at one of those extended-stay hotels since he's been in town. Which is fine for him, but Bodhi doesn't sleep well at that place, so Bodhi's at my house every night. Which has meant a lot of back and forth since David's been in town. On the plus side, I've had plenty of time to work, since David's spending a lot of time with him. Trying to make as many memories as possible, I guess. Like today, they're going go-karting after they finish up here."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Of course," she said, with less enthusiasm than I'd expected. "What David doesn't understand is that it's going to make it that much harder for Bodhi when he leaves again. Bodhi was finally getting used to him not being around and I'm going to have to help pick up the pieces."
"Did you tell him that?"
"How can I? Even though he wasn't a good match for me, he's actually a pretty loving dad. And he's also not a bad person. He made it possible for us to stay in the house and for Bodhi to be able to go to the right school. He was more than generous in our divorce settlement."
As she said the word divorce, I thought about the conversation Vivian and I had at lunch and I must have flinched.
"I'm sorry," Emily said quickly. "I really am doing my best not to talk about David. I don't know why his name seems to enter every conversation."
"It's not that," I said. I clutched my glass of iced tea with both hands. "Vivian left me."
Emily mouth widened into an O. "Oh my God," she finally breathed. "That's awful. I'm not sure what else to say."
"There's not much you can say."
"Are you sure you're not just taking some time apart? Like separation?"
"I don't think so. At lunch yesterday, she said we were getting divorced. And she wants us to sit down and talk to London tomorrow night."
"What happened? I mean, does it bother you if I ask? You don't have to answer, obviously."
"She's in love with her boss, Walter Spannerman. And she's now living in Atlanta."
"Oh, boy."
Now, there was an understatement. "Yeah."
"How are you doing?"
"Okay sometimes, not so well at other times."
She nodded, her expression soft. "I understand exactly what you mean. When did all this happen? And again, you don't have to tell me if you'd rather not."
I thought about it before taking a sip of my tea. Though I'd talked endlessly with Marge and Liz, I still felt the need to process it verbally. I'm not sure why, other than that people cope in different ways, and for me, I had to talk. Reprise. Question. Wonder. Whine. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. My sister had been more than patient with me since Vivian had left, but I felt bad that I'd needed her ear to the extent I had. Same with Liz. And yet, I still felt compelled to process; I felt an overwhelming desire to go through all of it once more.
"I'd like to tell you about it, but I'm not sure even where to start," I said. I stared out the window. Emily leaned across the table.
"What are you doing this afternoon?" she asked.
"No plans," I said.