Not saying a word, Q grabbed my bound wrists, undoing the tight material holding them pinned. I ached for connection. I wanted a hug, a whisper, something to keep my fear at bay. I needed reminding of his love and the reasons why we were doing something so utterly dangerous.
But I got nothing.
He hoisted my arms upward, securing them onto some sort of apparatus from the ceiling. My lungs strained, breathing hard through my nose. The helplessness of hanging-gagged, blindfolded, and completely at his mercy-sent a flurry of bricks toward me, forming into a path, leading to my tower.
No. I'm strong enough.
Every muscle tensed, waiting for a whip or some horrible pain, but Q drifted away. No sound. No body heat. His presence fading into the ether.
The tower became my enemy rather than friend-beckoning too hard, filling my mind with the need to run.
Step inside and no longer care. Step inside and hide.
I squeezed my eyes, fighting the seduction. I had to be strong enough. I was strong enough. Q asked me to trust him-I wouldn't run. I was done running.
Seconds ticked on without me; I didn't know how long I stood there. Time played tricks with me, delivering false memories of Rio and Mexico. White Man had never been my capturer-it had been Q all along. Q drugged me. He beat me.
I clamped down on the gag, forcing myself to chase away the lies. I focused instead on the iciness of my hands from lack of blood and the unrelenting ache in my shoulders from being trussed. I wanted to sit. I wanted to roll my spine and stretch. But all I could do was hang and wait like an animal headed to slaughter.
Harsh fingers touched my cheek.
I jolted, cursing my heart cannonballing around my chest. Q undid the gag, pulling it free from my mouth. I groaned in relief, wiggling my jaw, lubricating my dry tongue with saliva.
His fingers clamped around my chin, pressing against my lips. "Take this."
I stiffened, trying to move my face from his probing fingers. My eyes remained veiled by the blindfold; I yearned for sight. I needed to know where we were. I needed to latch onto Q and know I wasn't alone.
The pressure on my lips came again, demanding. "Take it," he snapped.
My stomach somersaulted. He's trying to drug you. Just like them.
My hands clenched and I repelled away. "No. What are you-"
"Don't speak. You're not allowed to speak." Two fingers entered my mouth by force. The taste of salt and citrus shot right to my heart. This was so wrong.
My teeth ached to bite. To sever the invasion before my mind could turn against Q. I was wrong when I said I was strong enough. I wasn't. I wanted nothing to taint my love for him-and this-this would murder everything I'd tried so hard to retain. "Stop. This is a mistak-"
Q's touch turned from harsh to brutal, placing something acidic and foreign on my tongue. "Swallow."
Tears stung my eyes; I fought in his grip, shaking my head violently.
Never again did I want the fog of hallucinogenics or mind-twisting chemicals. What the hell is he thinking? He knew how bad my withdrawals were. He'd seen how hard it was for me to crawl out of the smog.
Q breathed hard in my ear, muttering in French, cursing in a stream of anger. His arm wrapped around my thrashing body, tilting my head back. His hand came under my jaw, clamping it shut. "Swallow!"
I whimpered, soaking the blindfold in gushing tears.
"Do it or I'll hurt you."
My heart pounded; the tower no longer needed to beckon-I inched closer on my own. Fear drove me forward. The horror at being forced to take something that would remove all my mental power.
It would all disappear the moment I stepped inside.
Oh, God. What the hell were we doing? We were tempting fate-waving an invitation at everything we ran from-enticing horror into our lives.
I stood trembling, disobeying. The acidic pill slowly dissolved on my tongue, making me nauseous. I would let Q do anything but drug me. Anything else but that.
Q sighed. The anger in his voice faded to grief, shedding the theatrics, showing the actor beneath. He kissed my ear with incredible softness. "I need you to take it. It's nothing strong-it will last an hour or two, max." His tongue swirled around my lobe making my terror-laden body warm and begin to thaw. "Please, Tess."
I moaned, shaking my head, trying to free my chin free so I could talk. I didn't want to swallow. I had to make him see how terrified I was of drugs.
His fingers wouldn't let me go, letting the pill dissolve even further. "You have to believe in order for me to bring you back. Remember?" he murmured. "I won't be able to help you if you know it's me. It will ruin both of us. Please … you'll be safe. Je promets." I promise.