My fingers slid up her thigh, aching to touch her.
The monster licked his lips at the thought of finally having satisfaction. Of finally taking her like I'd always wanted-rough, against her will-ruthless.
Every inch I travelled, she didn't say a word. Not a peep or sound as she buried her face in the carpet.
The migraine made my mouth go dry; the sun became my worst fucking enemy. Too bright; digging into my eyes, ruining me further.
This is wrong!
I'm past caring.
It felt so good to finally let go. To drop my barriers. Tess wanted it. She'd encouraged me.
I couldn't wait any longer. My fingers latched around my cock, guiding it to her pussy.
"I'm going to take you. I'm going to come so deep inside you."
I thrust against her, wanting to lodge myself inside with one impale.
She cried out, her back bowing with agony.
I rocked forward, unable to understand why I couldn't enter her. Come on! I needed to be inside.
Reaching between us, my forefinger stroked her clit, dropping to where the head of my cock pressed against her folds.
My world screeched to a fucking halt.
What-?
The beast froze, giving me one clear, untainted moment.
She wasn't wet.
Not at all.
Fuck. This can't … no …
A surge of agony hit me like a baseball bat. My migraine shoved the monster back into its cage. Beating it with hatred, yelling, cursing, threatening to murder everything awful inside.
What have I done?
I scrambled backward, dry-retching with horror. "No. No. Fuck, no."
Tess was the driest I'd ever felt. She isn't wet. Everything I'd let my foggy fucked-up brain conclude had been a lie. She was drier than the Sahara.
Low moans sounded as Tess panted hard. She hadn't moved, lying unprotestingly and ready-ready for me to fucking rape her.
My heart broke into a bazillion fractured fragments. My ears filled with screeching from the horror in my soul. "What have I done?"
Fuck.
Fucking fuck!
I could barely function. My body crashed from its high of sadist animalistic needs, leaving a junky who'd never be fixed.
"Tess-oh, my God."
Blinking away the pain of my headache, I gathered her freezing body off the floor. Rocking back, I sat and leaned against the table leg, cocooning her on my lap.
Her body wracked with shivers, shuddering with every ragged breath.
Shit. What have I done? What have I done!
Silence echoed horribly loud. A minute ticked past. Then another. I didn't know what to say. I had no clue how to fix the atrocity of what I'd committed.
I wanted to carve out my sick, sick brain and beg for forgiveness. But this-this was unforgivable.
Then Tess hiccupped, turning her face into my chest. Her trembling arms slowly wrapped around my neck, spreading the slickness of her tears. They turned from seeping to raging, soaking into my worthless flesh, staining my soul forever.
My fractured heart oozed with corruption and terror. Everything she'd said was a lie. She'd made me hurt her against her consent.
I'd spun the worst kind of lies by listening to the darkness inside me.
I howled silently, slamming the cage into place, locking it forever. Never again would I let myself be swayed. Never again would I believe what Tess said.
Lies had the power to tear apart a relationship-it also had the power to kill.
How much further would I have gone?
I never wanted to know the answer.
My eyes smarted with rage-rage so hot and torrid I wanted to kill myself for being so fucked up. Then the rage dissolved under the colossal weight of guilt-rock after rock-burying me alive.
"Why?" I whispered. "Why did you let me do it?" My arms banded tighter, completely terrified she'd walk out the door.
How could she ever stand to look at me again? Nothing could fix what I'd done. No apology or heartfelt note could ever excuse almost raping the woman I would die for.
I couldn't stomach it. I couldn't breathe with the enormity of what I'd become.
Burying my face in her hair, I gave myself over to despair. "Tess, je suis tellement désolé." I'm so unbelievably sorry.
She hunched in on herself, but her arms wrapped tighter around my neck. My migraine pressed me further into the depths of hell. I suffocated on her hair. I'd never be able to look into her eyes again.
I was scum. Fucking awful terrible scum.
"Why? Why, Tess?" How could you let me do this-after everything?
She sniffed, raising her head. I gripped her harder, forcing her to stay, shaking until my teeth clacked together.
Pushing me a little, she sat upright, snuggling closer in my arms. "Because I love you, and I didn't want to let you down."