I thought about his compassion. His love for birds. His selfless acts of saving women.
So many things to say. So many things that would be forever treasured.
Speak from your heart.
I wouldn't bow to censorship. I would share our unconventional history. Q made me into the woman I was but I'd also turned him into the man he'd become. Our past formed us and it would be forever a part of us.
My courage was faint, but I straightened my shoulders. "I love you."
Q smiled, holding my hand. I took a deep breath, throwing myself into the truth, spilling my heart-painting our life with promises. "All my life, I never truly existed. I struggled to know what I was meant for. I followed a path I didn't understand." I swallowed. "I was lonely. I never felt the pinprick of heartache, or the warmth of a hug. But then I was captured and sold."
Q turned to stone, his fingers latching hard around mine.
"The day I was taken, my life ended. I thought I would die. I wanted to die. But then I was sold to a master who changed my world completely."
Q stopped breathing.
"This new master confused me, hurt me, but ultimately taught me what I was missing all along. I was missing him. He was the hole in my heart-he was my other half. I was no longer lonely, or searching for something I didn't understand. My grey world became prismatic, and I valued every lesson he taught."
My heart stuttered. No matter the happiness of being sold to Q, my trials hadn't ended there.
"But life decided I wasn't worthy-not yet." I closed my eyes, fighting back the ghosts of Rio. "I endured a price I didn't know I could pay, but once again I learned something. The right love-soul-mate love-is priceless.
"My master came for me-proving once again I never had to be afraid or alone but in return I shut him out, hurting him worse than anyone." My heart cracked for how heartless I'd been. "I shut myself off, unable to trust anymore-trust a life that gave so much but took away more in return. But now I know why. I learned my final lesson.
"Life taught me an eternal love will demand the worst sacrifices. A transcendent love will split your soul, cleaving you into pieces. A love this strong doesn't grant you sweetness-it grants you pain. And in that pain is the greatest pleasure of all."
I met Q's eyes. His lips were pressed into a fine line, containing the smouldering emotion in is gaze. He burned with everything he felt, barely containing it. The connection between us was thick and heavy and I wanted to be alone. I wanted to kiss him. Love him. Worship him.
"Q, I'm not just yours for this lifetime. I'm yours forever. I will follow you through unhappiness, confusion, and hardship. I will bask beside you in success, fortune, and laughter. I will obey you because I trust you. I will push you because I believe in you. I will fight with you because that is where our passion lives. And I will make love to you the way our demons demand.
"My blood is yours.
"My breath is yours.
"And I swear to you when this life is over, I will wait for you to join me. I will travel with you through galaxies and solar-systems to be yours once again. Because a love like this isn't replicable. You've ruined me. Devastated me. Destroyed me by choosing me as your wife."
A single tear rolled down my cheek. I said my final vow, "Je suis à toi. Je suis ton monstre dans le noir pour toujours." I'm yours. I'm your monster in the dark forever.
Silence was a heavy shroud, hushing even the tweets of birds outside.
Q hadn't moved. His body locked down, face hard and dark.
Perhaps I had no right to tell our story aloud. Maybe he thought I'd failed by being so honest. But I wanted Q to know that everything I lived through-every hardship was necessary-because it made me deserving. It taught me Q was worth every sacrifice. It made me strong enough to keep him.
The future was ours. Evolving together. Twisting our souls into one. Knitting our lives into inseparable tapestries. I could never love another like him. Fate designed us from the same darkness, the same fabric of wrongness.
Q cleared his throat. The celebrant didn't move, waiting for the thick silence to disperse.
Say something! I couldn't read him. He'd shut down, trembling with colossal energy, glowing with everything he trapped inside. "Tess-" Finally a crack, a small doorway into his feelings. "Je suis-"
Then he folded to his knees.
My stomach lodged in the tight boning of my corset. I'd never seen a man so proud, so strong and fierce, be so shattered and humbled.
Q's ferocious eyes ensnared me.
"Tess, je ne serai jamais capable d'exprimer à quel point je tiens à toi. Je n'aurais jamais les mots pour exprimer combien Je t'aime." Tess, I'll never be able to express how much I care for you. I'll never know the words to say how much I love you.