“That wasn’t so bad,” I drawled. “But if you want to bring me to my knees, you’ll have to use your mouth.”
She huffed. “I’ll figure out another way to bring you to your knees, Remo.”
If anyone could, then it would be her.
CHAPTER 18
SERAFINA
I woke with someone pressed up against my back, a warm breath fanning over my shoulder.
I didn’t pull away, only stared at my hand, which rested atop his on the bed. The skin on my ring finger was lighter from wearing my engagement ring for five years, and now it lay on my nightstand abandoned. And how could I ever wear it again? How could I ever face my fiancé again after everything I had done? Everything I still wanted to do.
Deep down I knew I didn’t want to marry Danilo anymore, but it was my duty, even now. I ran my fingertips over Remo’s hand, and he woke with a current of tension radiating through his body. I assumed he wasn’t a man used to sharing a bed with someone.
He exhaled and relaxed but didn’t say anything. I turned his hand over until his palm was up then traced the burn scars there, wondering how they’d come to be. My touch followed the scars up to his wrists, where crisscross scars fought for dominance with his burn marks. Remo’s breathing changed, became cautious, dangerous.
“Will you ever tell me how you got those?”
He bit the nape of my neck. “Why should I?”
Yes, why should he spill his guts to me? I turned around in his hold. His expression was forbidding, but his eyes held a hint of something even darker. “You’re right,” I whispered, holding his gaze. “I’m only your captive. The queen in your game of chess. Something meaningless, easy to forget the moment you give me back.” Even as I spoke the words, I couldn’t imagine Remo really letting me go, not with the way he looked at me, and I wasn’t sure if the realization terrified or relieved me. Because how could I return to the Outfit?
“Oh, Angel, forgetting you will be impossible.”
And I smiled. God help me, I smiled.
Remo shook his head slowly. “This is madness.”
“It is.” It was and worse ... betrayal. Dad. Mom. Sofia. Sam. Guilt gripped me in its choking hold. I swallowed. “My family ...” I didn’t say more.
Remo’s face hardened and he untangled himself from me and stood. My eyes took him in, the harshness of his expression, those cruel eyes, the scars and muscles.
Remo was the enemy. He was trying to destroy the people I loved by using me as his weapon. I couldn’t forget that. He put on his clothes and gun holster. Then he nodded grimly. “That’s the look you’re supposed to give me, Angel. Hold on to your hatred if you can.”
“Can you?”
He didn’t say anything, only smiled darkly. He turned around and left. The fallen angel tattooed to his back seemed to mock me because every day I felt a bit more like an angel falling.
Kiara picked me up around lunchtime. I could tell from the way she was looking at me that she knew I’d slept with Remo. Nino had probably told her, and Remo had told him and probably everyone else. I hadn’t dared to ask him if the sheets had arrived yet. The mere idea that my family and fiancé saw them drove bile up my throat.
We settled on the sofa. She’d ordered vegetarian Sushi, which was set up on the table in front of us. I didn’t see Nino anywhere, but I knew he was close and would storm in at the slightest sound of distress from Kiara.
We ate in silence for a while, but eventually Kiara couldn’t contain her concern anymore. She touched my shoulder, her eyes flitting to the bite marks on my throat. “Are you okay?”
I set down the sticks and met her gaze. “I’m a captive in these walls, and I betrayed my family. I let Remo dishonor me. I’m ruined. So what do you think?”
She pursed her lips. “You’re only ruined if you allow others to make you feel that way.”
“You don’t understand.” I snapped my lips shut, shame washing over me because everyone knew the stories about her. “I’m sorry.”
Kiara shook her head, a flicker of pain in her eyes but she straightened her shoulders with a smile. “I felt ruined for years ... until I didn’t anymore, and then I was free.”
“If my family and fiancé find out Remo didn’t force me, they won’t forgive me.”
“Do you want to return to your fiancé?”
“Do you think I want to stay with Remo?” I muttered. “He kidnapped me. He keeps me locked in a room. He is my enemy. Sex won’t change that.”
Kiara regarded me closely. “Maybe there’s a chance for peace between the Outfit and the Camorra. You could be that chance. Something good can be born from an act of brutality.”
“But there won’t be. My dad, my uncle, my fiancé, my brother won’t ever agree to any kind of peace. They are proud men, Kiara. You know how Made Men are. Remo took me from them, stole my ... stole my innocence.”
“It’s either stolen or given.”
I looked away. “They won’t see it that way. He ripped something from them, took something they considered their possession. He insulted my family, my fiancé. They won’t forget or forgive. They’ll retaliate. They’ll avenge me with brutal intent.”
“Do you want to be avenged?”
“Remo kidnapped me. He took everything from me.”
“Everything?” Kiara said curiously.
“Everything that used to matter.” I took my chopsticks again and continued eating, hoping Kiara got the hint that I didn’t want to talk anymore.
Remo came to my bedroom again that night. I had expected him and didn’t say anything as he dropped his gun holster on the ground then lay down beside me. I only regarded him, trying to understand him, myself, us. But I saw the same confusion in his eyes that I felt every time he was close.
We were both caught in an undercurrent, dragging us down into its unforgiving depth, unable to swim to the surface on our own. The only people who could save us only wanted to save one of us and see the other drown, but we were entangled. One of us would have to let go first to reach the surface.
And just like the night before, Remo’s mouth forced me into submission, lips and tongue and teeth, harsh one moment, gentle the next. He didn’t try to sleep with me, and for some reason it made things worse because I didn’t want him to hold back. I wanted him to take without consideration, without mercy. Because when he was something more than the monster I knew him to be, he took something I was even less willing to give.
He pressed against my back, breathing harshly, his erection a demanding presence pushing into me.
“When will you set me free?” I asked.
“Soon,” Remo murmured but didn’t elaborate. For some reason I heard the echo of the word “never.”
Never. Never. Never.
And it didn’t scare me as much as it should.
I considered asking about the sheets. Dante must have contacted Remo by now. But I was too scared, didn’t want to know their reaction. Remo’s lips brushed my shoulder blade.
“You always do that.”
Tension shot through his body as if I’d caught him committing a horrendous crime. “I think Danilo ruined your uncle’s plan to keep it cool.”
I stiffened as well. “What?”
Remo’s hold tightened, not allowing me to turn around. “Dante tried to pretend the sheets didn’t have the desired effect, but this afternoon Danilo called me, and he wasn’t as controlled as the cold fish wanted me to believe.”
I sucked in a shaky breath. “You talked to Danilo?”
“He was furious, murderous. He told me he’d cut my balls and dick off and feed them to me.” Remo paused and I tensed further. “And I told him that he could try but that it wouldn’t change the fact that I was the first man inside you.”
I wrenched myself out of his embrace, whirled around on him, kneeling on the bed.
Remo smiled darkly. My eyes caught the holster on the floor. I lunged, ripped the gun from the holster, released the safety, and pointed it at Remo’s head.
He rolled on his back, arms stretched out in surrender. There was no fear, no apprehension in his eyes.
I straightened on my knees beside him. “If you think I can’t go through with pulling the trigger, Remo, you are wrong. I’m not the girl from before who couldn’t cut your throat.”
Remo held my gaze. “I don’t doubt you can kill me, Angel.”
“Then why aren’t you scared?” I asked fiercely.
“Because,” he murmured, gripping my hips. I tightened my hold on the gun, but I allowed him to keep his hands on my skin. “I’m not scared of death or pain.”
Without lowering the gun, I straddled his stomach, and my core clenched at the feel of his muscles.
Remo’s eyes flashed with desire. I leaned forward, resting the barrel against his forehead. “If I kill you now, I’m free.”
“There are still my brothers and hundreds of loyal men who will hunt you down,” Remo said, his thumbs stroking my belly in a distracting way. I had already been wet from Remo’s earlier ministrations, but a new wave of arousal pooled between my legs now.
“But I’d still be free of you and that’s all I care about.”