Twisted(94)

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Holding you could never do that. Besides, hello, big tough guy here.”

Her giggle as she settled in beside him eased the fist gripping his gut. “Oh, I know that. I almost didn’t run out to get you pain pills. You’re too hardcore to ever need them.” She reached up to feather her fingers over his nose, as lightly as a breeze. “You bled so much. I wanted to call 911 but Nick stopped me. So I called Lila instead.”

“She is the fixer of all of Oblivion’s problems.” He cleared his throat. “I, ah, about what Snake said—”

“I know he just wanted to cause trouble.”

“Jazz—”

“I bet that blonde he described is the one I saw you at the club with, right? So that’s not even a thing, because I know about her. You said you didn’t sleep with her and I believe you.”

“Jazz, listen to me.”

“It’s not like the rest even merits a mention. We’re best friends. You wouldn’t hide that from me, no matter what.” At his silence, she lifted her trembling chin. “Right?”

He tightened his hold on her and fought to focus on her face rather than the cramping in his belly. “I need you to listen to me, okay, baby? Just let me say it all before I lose my nerve.”

“Oh God.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and gripped her stomach, rocking back and forth. “No. Don’t. If you don’t say it, it’s not real.”

Swallowing hard, he rubbed her back. “I’m going to stop. I swear to you, this is the end of it.” Her choked sob made him close his eyes. “God, don’t cry. Please.”

“I’m not crying. It’s fucking allergies.”

He scooted forward on the bed—pain be damned—and slid his arm around her waist before pressing his cheek to her back. “I don’t want it between us. I don’t want anything there. If I didn’t quit for any other reason, I would for that one. How I feel about you is stronger than any drug.”

The sound of her quiet weeping ripped a blade through his chest. “Why? You always warned me away from everything. You wouldn’t touch the stuff, ever.”

He exhaled, tightening his grip on her. She was so soft. So easy to break. “Something happened. I let it push me to a dark place, and I slipped. I messed up. And then I kept doing it.”

“What happened?”

The image formed in his mind, as stark as the colored spotlights that had nearly blinded him that night. Nick coming out of a storage closet near the stage, still doing up his zipper. Jazz—his Jazz—following a moment later, still touching up her lipstick. Her hair tousled and wild, with that sleepy sex smile still curving her mouth.

But he couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t lay the blame at her doorstep when he’d made the choice that day and every day since.

“I thought one of my had dreams died,” he said, fisting his hand against her side. “I never expected to get another chance. Now that I am, you can be sure I won’t give it up for anything.”

She turned toward him on the bed, drawing her leg up. One glimpse of her blotchy, tear-stained face and his heart convulsed. “Was it because of that stupid threesome?” She dashed at her tears. “It was the biggest mistake ever. I don’t know what I was thinking—”

“No. That wasn’t it. It was before then.”

“B-before? How much before?”

“A little while. And I know what you were thinking. I always knew, as much as I hated that I wasn’t enough for you.” He cupped her cheek and closed his hand around the tears he caught in his palm. “You wanted love. He gave it to you before I could.”

“No. No, that’s not true. You always loved me better than anyone else. After Brent, everything got so fucked up. There was always this wall between us, and I couldn’t find my way through.”

“What he did was one wall. What I did to push him to that point was another.”

“What? How did you have anything to do with Brent’s actions?”

Her confusion just added another layer to the self-disgust coating his throat. “You never saw me the way I truly am. Christ, I wanted to be a hero in your eyes. You saw me as selfless when the reality is I tried to be your entire world so you wouldn’t notice I didn’t measure up.”

“No.” Her shoulders hunched and she bowed her head, her cheerful hair only emphasizing the bleakness in her eyes. “I know you better than I know myself. The man I know never did anything to hurt me. Not once.”

If only that were true.