“Proves what?” she asked, stilling her hand in favor of grabbing another piece of cheese.
“We’re sitting here, both of us almost naked, and there aren’t any sparks between us.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” she muttered.
He laughed. “Annoyance doesn’t count. You’re over me. And while I might be not so pleased about that for myself, I’m glad for you.”
She tilted her head to gauge his sincerity. “You’re serious.”
“Yeah.”
“Since when are you so altruistic?”
“I’m sitting here with a fucking boner, staring at cheese so I don’t stare at your tits. Does that sound altruistic to you?”
There she went, laughing again. “Your boner must’ve gotten smaller, because I totally didn’t notice.”
“Ouch. The lady has a sharp tongue.” His mouth quirked. “And knows how to use it.”
“I’m so not a lady.” She sighed and nibbled cheese off her thumb. “I’m sorry. This situation sucks sweaty balls.”
“Can’t say I’m thrilled with it.” He crossed his arms on the table and leaned forward, his gaze snagging hers. “I’m less thrilled with you smoking up when I know it’s not your scene. He doesn’t have you doing anything else, does he?”
She rubbed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. All the excitement of the past two nights must be finally catching up with her. “Anything else like what?”
“Anything harder than pot.”
Something in his voice made her drop her hand in her lap and give him a hard stare. “A, he doesn’t have me doing anything, period. I make my own choices. I don’t normally smoke but it’s not like I haven’t in the past.” Years ago, when I didn’t know any better.
Jeez, where was that judgmental voice coming from? There was nothing wrong with a bit of harmless experimentation now and then. She hadn’t smoked in years but that didn’t mean she had a problem with it. She definitely didn’t see any issues when she was still coasting, though that floaty state was starting to wear off. Dammit.
“Sure you did.”
“I did. And C, what are you insinuating? What else besides pot would he be ‘having me do’? You realize how completely random that is, right?”
“You missed B, and it’s not random at all. Users use. I’ve seen enough of that with my own relatives. Not saying all pot smokers take it to the next level, but plenty do.”
“Maybe some do, but not Gray.” She shoved another slice of cheddar between her lips.
“Sorry, I must’ve missed his halo the last time we spoke.” Shaking his head, he laid his hand on the table as if he intended to get up. “Look, never mind. You’re all abuzz with sex hormones and you’re probably still higher than a kite. We’ll talk when you’re—”
“I love him,” she interrupted, snatching Nick’s arm before he could rise. “It’s not sex or weed that has me buzzing. Well, not entirely. It’s him. I’ve wanted this since I was a kid, Nick.”
He didn’t respond for a few moments. “I understand that,” he said finally. “And I hope it turns out to be exactly what you’ve been wishing for. But if it doesn’t, I’ll be here.”
“Here for what? To fuck me all better?” She let his arm drop and covered her face with her hands. Tears threatened, burning the back of her eyes, and beyond them lurked shame. For what, she wasn’t even sure.
Was this the crash? Or did some part of her hear the warning in Nick’s words, and know he was right to offer it?
“This isn’t about fucking,” he said quietly, and that only made the shame burn hotter, scorching her cheeks. “We’ve been past that for a while now. I told you to go after him, remember? Twice,” he added. “I didn’t want to. I still did it, and it sure as hell wasn’t for me.”
She lowered her hands into her lap and nodded, swallowing hard. It was all just overwhelming, is all. Even getting exactly what you wanted after so long cost a big emotional toll. No wonder she was reeling.
“I’d like to think that maybe we’re even friends.”
“Yes,” she whispered, struggling to meet his gaze. “We are. At least I think so. But if you’ve got a problem with Gray, then you have a problem with me. I’m sorry. That’s just the way it is.”
Nick lifted his hands, palms out. “Hey, I managed to collaborate with the guy today. He’s got some chops.”
Her surprise dried the leftover dampness in her eyes. Damn, that was some really good pot if it had her reading this situation all wrong. Perhaps he was actually being a dick and she was still buzzing enough not to notice. “Swear you’re not messing with me?”