She focused on her breathing, counting off her breaths like she did with the beat when she was playing the drums. Mostly, it was instinctual now. She didn’t have to verbalize the numbers, she just naturally knew when to hit her marks. Her breathing was different. Every time she faltered and paid too much attention to what was being said on the other side of that closed door, her chest tightened and her lungs cramped.
When he returned, she’d almost gotten it under control. Her palms were still clammy and she couldn’t quite meet his gaze, but she wasn’t shaking anymore.
Until he spoke.
“I have to go out for a while.”
She glanced at the bedside clock. “It’s not even seven a.m.”
They’d barely slept all night, just dozing in between rounds of Gray playing the guitar and making love. It was their last night in the cabin and their first as an engaged couple, so who needed sleep?
But now that he was pulling on his jeans and digging through his still unpacked suitcase for a shirt, her exhaustion hit her like a wave. She wanted nothing more than to burrow under the covers with him and hide from the advancing day. Sunlight trickled into the room around the curtains they’d pulled, and that scared her almost as much as who had called and where he was going.
Within these four walls, they were safe. Outside, anything could happen.
“I know, baby. I won’t be long.”
Once his usage of the word baby had pleased her so much. Now it felt like a way to delay the inevitable.
“We have a meeting with Lila at ten,” she said, hating the plea she heard in her voice. But it couldn’t be helped.
And he wouldn’t be stopped. She just knew it. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t try.
“I know. I’ll be back by then.” He tugged on his shirt and leaned across the bed to kiss her. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”
She threaded her fingers through his hair and cupped his cheek with her other hand. It took every shred of will she possessed not to cling and beg. “It’s our first full day being engaged. Can’t it wait until after the show tonight, whatever it is?”
“I’m sorry, it can’t. But this is a good thing. This is setting the groundwork for our future.” The smile he gave her almost convinced her.
But not quite.
“You won’t tell me where you’re going,” she said, not bothering to make it a question. She already knew the answer.
He drew back, his smile fading. “Just trust me, okay? I’ll be back soon.” He picked up his wallet and gestured toward the tangled sheets. “Get some sleep, all right? You look tired.”
She nearly laughed. Tired didn’t come close to describing how worn out she felt all of a sudden. And she wasn’t even certain why.
“I love you,” he said, hesitating in the doorway before closing the door behind him.
It was only after he’d gone that she realized he’d been waiting for her to say it back.
After a while, she rose and went into the bathroom to dig through her makeup case. She took a couple of Benadryl to help her sleep and followed them with a glass of water, nearly crushing the paper cup in her hand as it started to shake again.
Something was off. She didn’t know what, but it was more than Gray keeping a questionable appointment. She wanted nothing more than to chase after him and insist she go too. They were a team, and that meant he shouldn’t do the big things alone.
Unless this was a small, usual thing. Like meeting with his drug dealer and getting a celebratory line or two to tide him over.
She tossed out her cup and went back into the bedroom. Though she had no desire to sleep, she curled up in the messy bedding and tugged his pillow to her face. His scent comforted her enough to close her eyes.
When she opened them again, muted sunlight slanted across the bedroom and someone was pounding on the door. Not someone. Nick.
“Hey lovebirds, we got a show to do. Rise and shine.”
She rubbed her eyes and reached out for Gray. It had already become a habit for her to touch him when she awakened. But no one slept beside her and the sheets were cool.
Dread combed icy fingers through her belly as she scrambled to her knees. She glanced around the room, getting her bearings. The cabin. Gray leaving. God, she must’ve slept the whole day away. It took her a moment or two to realize his suitcase was in the same place he’d left it on the floor that morning, the contents still spilling out. His wallet and cell phone weren’t on the nightstand.
God, he hadn’t come back.
She grabbed the sheet and stumbled to her feet a second before Nick pushed open the door. “Where is he?” she demanded, despite knowing he didn’t have an answer.