“Joe.” I stroked his face with my free hand, the beautiful curve of his cheekbone, the smooth skin of his temple. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to let that go.”
Nothing.
“I didn’t see the car either. I should have, but I wasn’t even looking.”
Eyes wide open, he all but growled at me, “You weren’t driving.”
“But I knew you were tired,” I persisted. “I should have been paying attention, helping you. It’s on me too.”
“No.”
“If I’d been sitting in the front instead of Nell, she might still have her baby.”
“Alex, no. That’s not your fault.”
“Because sometimes things just happen.” I placed my hand over his heart, forgetting for the moment where my other one remained. “Joe, you didn’t cause that accident. The idiot thinking it was okay to drive in the middle of the night without any headlights caused that accident. The blown streetlight, which the council hadn’t fixed, caused that accident. Not you.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Thought you’d said you’d accepted you couldn’t help me with this hurt.”
“I changed my mind.” Also, I was a bit of an idiot when it came to him. Let’s be honest. The still hand on his crotch got back to work, grasping his balls in a firm grip. “Are you listening to me, Joe? Are you taking this in?”
“I’m too afraid not to.”
“Good. Because you blaming yourself is only going to wind up hurting Nell and your family and friends in the long term. How do you think they’re going to feel watching you self-destruct over this?” I asked, keeping his family jewels held tight. “Do you think Eric would be able to deal with that? Watching his brother tear himself to pieces.”
“Okay, okay.” He gripped my wrist. “I’m listening, Little Miss. Ease up just in case I want to have kids someday.”
I did as asked.
“This is the strangest conversation I’ve ever had with a woman’s hands on me.”
“You’re welcome.” I smiled. “I like to think of it as a type of aggressive sex therapy.”
“Do you now?”
Interestingly enough, now that I’d started fondling him through his clothes, I didn’t want to stop.
“It’s scaring me how much I like it.” He leaned down, brushing the tip of his nose against mine.
“Want me to threaten you some more?” I asked, undoing his belt buckle, followed fast by his jeans. Hell yeah, sliding my hand down into his boxer briefs felt like finding heaven. Everything hot and hard and good in this world. Even if he did piss me off sometimes. I wrapped my hand around his cock, giving him a firm stroke.
He groaned. “I’m at your mercy.”
“Damn right you are.” I smiled, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips. Very nice. “Don’t forget it.”
“Never.”
If only it were true.
His whole body leaned toward me. His focus on what my hand was up to, buried in his pants, complete. Something so good about the feel of a man in this state. The smooth skin leading down to the ridge around the head of his cock, how swollen he felt with my fingers wrapped around him. It got me high, touching him and turning him on more and more. Just being this close to him. His breathing hastened, hands gripping my shoulders like he needed the support. Poor baby.
Slowly, I eased his jeans and underwear down, freeing him. “Alex, someone could come.”
“That’s the idea.”
He chuckled, down and dirty. “I mean, someone could walk in.”
“Yeah, they could.” I sank to my knees, keeping a firm grip on him. A bead of pre-cum sat on the head of his cock, just waiting. Tongue darting out, I dealt with that. Salt, warmth, and masculinity. There was nothing else quite like it. “You want me to stop?”
“Fuck no.” Eyes beautifully dark, he stared down at me, mesmerized.
I took him into my mouth, suckling the tip. His skin against my lips was divine, his big body towering over me, yet completely under my control. Even the smell of him made me wet, all heat and him. Very much up close and personal. I traced the rim of his cockhead with my tongue, exploring, while he mumbled cuss words along with my name. Things got down right blasphemous when I massaged the sweet spot, digging into the dip in the ridge with the tip of my tongue. The boy would be burning in hell at this rate.
Still, he’d told me not to stop. Not that I had any intention of doing so.
Let Star give all the therapeutic massages that she wanted to. Only I had him like this. Or only I better have him like this if he wanted to keep his balls intact. Such soft, sensitive things. I rolled them in one hand, tugging gently to remind him who was the boss right here and now. A dazed grin appeared on his face in response. Kind of hard to smile back with a penis in your mouth, but I tried.
One hand stroked him while the other played with his ball sac; I worked him hard and fast. Despite my brave words, I could do without being caught giving Joe a blowjob by one of his friends. The only sounds were my wet sucking and Joe’s heavy breathing. Again and again, I dragged my firm lips up his cock, tongue swirling over the tip. Hips rocking forward, he eagerly edged closer, making me take him deeper.
“Shit. Sorry,” he panted. “Fuck, that feels good.”
I hummed my approval and apparently, that felt even better. His fingers fisted in my hair, pulling apart my short ponytail. Sucking on him hard, I pushed him closer to the edge. And finally, over it. He came in my mouth with a strangled sort of sound. His pelvis pushing his cock deeper despite his best intentions. Quickly, I swallowed, taking his cum into me. The time for delicate excuses or spitting had passed. Plus, I loved him.
Oh God. No. No, I didn’t.
Sitting back on my heels, I slapped a hand over my mouth. Breathing through a panic attack was hard enough. Breathing through a panic attack while giving a blowjob was even harder.
“Hell. Alex, are you all right?” Joe quickly pulled up his pants, tucking his softening dick out of sight. Then he handed me a bottle of water. I swallowed a good half of it down, stopping only to slump over and give the whole breathing thing another go.
“I should have pulled out,” he said. “I didn’t even ask. Sorry.”
I held up a hand. “It’s fine.”
Poor man probably thought he’d nearly choked me with his cum or something. Which kind of had happened but not in the way he was thinking. My heart hammered, sweat sliding down the side of my face. All good. No problem. I was not in love with Joe Collins. That had just been some strange mental aberration brought on by proximity to his magical, truly talented cock or something. Let’s not get all emotional and start feeling things we shouldn’t be. I’d given the man head, not my heart. Because falling for him would be dumb, stupid, careless, and more.
He already had too much going on in his life right now. Exactly as he’d said.
“Went down the wrong pipe,” I whispered, patting my chest.
More heavy-browed concerned looks from him.
God, how embarrassing. I finished off the rest of the water, slowly getting myself back under control. “Let’s get back to work.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, as weak and jittery as a bobble-headed doll. Offering me a hand, he helped me to my feet. Sad to say, I think I needed the assistance. Gently, he brushed my hair out of my face, watching me oh so carefully. I had the stupidest impulse to cry, to hide my face in his chest and bawl like a baby. Not good.
“Painting,” I said, retrieving my brush from out of the tray. The shaking went away after a while, but Joe’s eyes kept returning to me for the rest of the day. Never mind. He didn’t need to know about my dumbass revelation. Hell, once we’d finished up here, I had every intention of drinking until I no longer knew about it either.
This was no time for love. Not for him, and therefore, not for me.
* * *
The knock on my hotel door came around ten o’clock that night, disturbing my intense study of the ceiling. My mind hadn’t been able to settle on anything else. Apparently, no movie or book currently available could distract me from the overwhelming misery of being in love with Joe Collins. It was just like being fourteen again, minus the pimples. Everything sucked and I was doomed.
Surprisingly, I opened the door to find him standing there. His hands were stuffed in his jeans pockets. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I stepped back, closing the door after him. As the usual, he took up all of the space, all of the air in the room. There was only him and me. “How did you get here?”
“Cab.”
“Is everything okay?”
He didn’t respond immediately.
Since I was doing all of the driving, I’d dropped him off at his place over an hour ago. We’d gotten out early, it’d been a pretty quiet night at the bar. A good thing, since his one good hand and my lack of experience behind the bar did not make for speedy service.
He sat on the end of the bed, a hand braced on his knee, eyes troubled. “Star and Mom went to visit Nell tonight.”
“How is she doing?”
He winced. “About as well as you’d expect, I guess. They’ve given her good pain meds, apparently. She’s comfortable enough. But that doesn’t help with knowing she lost the baby.”