Suddenly, it all came at me in a rush, and the perfect moment was shattered.
Oh my God, I cheated on him.
It was a terrible thought, but it was only made even worse by the fact that it was Anna who’s arms I was wrapped so tight in. And it was worse because the fact that I’d technically cheated on Tyler somehow cheapened how incredible the night before had been. Falling into her like that had been....God, it’d been everything. It’d been the slow culmination of everything I’d always been scared or too unaware to tell her. Anna and I had always told one another that we loved each other, but it had all become so much more real the night before.
Because I knew now how deep I actually meant it.
I loved this girl who’s breath I could feel against my back, and who’s legs were entwined with mine. I loved that she was my other half, the other part of me that I needed in order to feel whole. Anna, the girl I always turned to, the first person I wanted to tell when things had happened with Tyler and who I’d felt guilty about not sharing the experience with.
I groaned, feeling my heart wrench.
Except there was also him - Tyler who I felt feelings for unlike any I’d ever felt before. Tyler who’d made me feel things I’d never felt - the man who’d made me a woman.
The man I loved.
Oh fuck, now what. Because right then, the truth of it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt the panic rising in my chest.
I loved them both. I actually loved both of them, differently, but just as powerfully, and that thought scared the shit out of me. How do you love two people?
It felt like my throat was tightening as I slid from the comfort of Anna’s bed. She stirred as I reached for some clothes, but didn’t wake. And it was like shoving a dagger into my own heart as I slowly slipped from the room, regretting every step.
I had to talk to him. The idea had my veins freezing like ice, but I knew it was the true. I had to tell him...well, tell him everything.
And hope he understood.
The library empty on this early in the morning, and I passed through the stacks like a shadow until I got to the private study rooms. I closed the door behind me, and slumped down against it as I hit the call button in my phone while the tears started to trickle down my cheeks
“Hey gorgeous, you’re up early.”
His voice did it, and I started to cry.
“Hey, hey! Christina, what’s-”
“I need to tell you something.” I could feel the dagger twisting in my heart, and I wanted to just hang up right then, but I knew there was no avoiding this.
“Okay? What’s up?”
“I need to tell you something big.”
Tyler cleared his throat. “What is it, Christina.”
“I-”
I what? I cheated on you with my best friend? God I was awful.
“Chris, honey, what is it.”
I started to cry harder then, because I knew the second I said it, it was all going to change.
“Baby, what is it?”
“I’m horrible,” I said softly, feeling my breath hitch in my throat.
Tyler chuckled. “Honey, whatever it is-”
“I cheated on you.”
Silence.
Tyler went utterly silent on the phone, but I could practically hear hi seething with rage on the other end.
“Tyler-”
“Yeah don’t bother,” he growled roughly.
“No, wait! Please!” I sobbed. “It was-”
- Click -
I dropped the phone to the ground and sank my face into my hands, sobbing at the sound of him hanging up.
Chapter 28
Tyler
And just like that, I was right back in that fucking hole I’d been in before. Just like that, it was over.
I cheated on you.
Yeah, I didn’t need to hear anything else after that. I didn’t need to hear the fucking details. What I needed to do was get in my car, drive to Boston, find the piece of shit fucking garbage who’d touched her and dismember him limb-from-limb. I wanted to destroy, to smash something beautiful, to tear down the world around me.
Instead, I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, went right to the guest house studio, and played. And I played fucking loudly. It was seven in the damn morning, but I didn’t care. I cracked the bottle, cranked that shit up, and just fucking played until my Goddamn fingers and ears bled. I didn’t care. Cause this shit hurt. It hurt in a way finding out about Rebecca and that whole thing never even came fucking close to. And that just made it worse.