“Anna, you don-"
"Will you shut up and let me buy your love back with frozen treats?" She held up the two plastic cups full of icy mocha-colored slush. She was doing her very best to force a fake frown through her grin, and I started to giggle.
"So, we're good? You aren't weirded out that I wanted you to- to-"
Anna sighed, interrupting me. “Yes, dummy; we're always good. Even if you are this new exhibitionist deviant.”
I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks burn again.
"Which, I love, by the way," she added quickly with a dramatic sweep of her arms. “Christina Ames, you're my best friend and I love you, and ohmygod, look I even had them put whipped cream on these fucking things, so just forgive me, okay?”
I loved this girl.
Later, back in the dorm room after we'd binged through at least two thirds of a season of old Sex In The City episodes sitting on her bed, she finally shut her laptop and turned to me.
“So, you really like this guy, don't you.”
I chewed my lip and looked at her quietly, before I slowly nodded.
“No, I mean, you really like him.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I really do. Actually I'm totally in-”
I stopped myself as I faltered for the word before dropping it and looking down at my wringing hands. "I don't know, Anna, it's- it's complicated.”
She nodded, rubbing my back with her hand. “So, do you want the sappy 'go get him girl' pep talk or the tough love dose of reality."
I chuckled. “Straight talk; give me the tough love.”
She smiled wryly at me. "Chrissy, he's twice your age, and he’s just went through a divorce like five months ago. I mean, he obviously cares about you, and I could clearly see it was a lot more for him than just the ego boost of fucking a young college girl,” she winked at me. “Believe me, I was looking for it.”
This was a sore subject for Anna, who's parent’s had gone through a pretty messy divorce right at the start of senior year back home.
“Look, I’m just saying...” She took a breath and looked at me, biting her lip. “You wanted the tough love?”
I nodded.
“Where does this go, Chris? Are you going to ‘bring him home to meet the folks’ at Christmas? Dude, he’s friends with your parents.” She chewed her lip as she put an arm over my shoulders. “Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch here, but I’m just worried about what happens to you if this all goes nowhere.”
The tears came then, quietly, and she pulled me into a hug as they started to flow. It really was hopeless. What future did we have? I mean even if he and I were to have a-
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“I need to tell you something."
Chapter 18
Tyler
I was pacing the kitchen late at night, letting the sounds of the empty house breathe around me as I ran a hand through my dark hair and let the air out slowly. Jesus Christ, I’d been back home a day since the wild weekend with Christina and I was going out of my Goddamn mind about her. Yeah, it was a lot to take in, even if I wanted to take it in.
Part of me just wanted to say “fuck it” to all the shit I knew that would hit the fan should what was going on between us become public knowledge. Fuck all the assholes who’d snub their noses or raise their brow at the age difference between us. I got what it looked like, but I didn’t care, because that wasn’t it. This wasn’t me “searching for my lost youth” or “trying to feel like a man.” Fuck that. I’d had a great youth, and I’d never not felt like a man, that’s for sure.
Whatever was happening with this girl though...it wasn’t either of those things. I might not know how to label it, but I knew that. And I might not have known what she felt exactly about it, but I knew how I felt. I wanted her, completely and utterly. I wanted to claim her, and I didn’t care who knew. Shit, I wanted to fill her up with my seed so much that it took; so much that her belly grew round with my child.
It was a weird thought, for sure, but also one that got me hard as iron there in my kitchen. Because really, that is what I wanted, and that thought stopped my pacing cold.
Jesus, was that what I saw in this girl? Starting a family? I mean it would be insane, and the blowback would be crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more the idea became more than just my own macho musings and turned into the truth.
Fuck, I needed to clear my head.
I had my gym shoes and sweatshirt on in a flash, and five minutes later, I was halfway around the block running to get my head on straight.