I can’t let him get me.I took off running down the sidewalk, away from my house.
It was a stupid plan, in fact, not a plan at all, just instinct. Run away. Joe had longer legs and was in better shape and he caught me in seconds. I’d like to say it was because my blood was poorly oxygenated from the hyperventilating, but I’d be lying. He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face him.
“Where are you goin’?” Then he saw my face, the terror and panic. His eyes widened. “Oh, my God, you’re scared of me. Why?”
I took deep breaths trying to get my wits about me because obviously my reactions so far hadn’t worked out so well.
Joe started to pull me into a hug, but I stiffened and he let me go, dropping his hands to his sides. “Don’t run off, okay?”
I nodded, but silently added until I need to.
“Why are you scared of me? What did I do?”
I couldn't very well tell him the truth. “You were upset that I used your computer.” I mentally congratulated myself for thinking so quickly. Maybe my brain worked better with more oxygen.
Joe heaved a deep breath and put his hands on his hips. “Rose, I just wondered why you were using mine. I didn't realize you didn’t have one. I have some work stuff on there that I’m kind of private about.”
“Mechanic stuff?” The disbelief was undeniable. So much for thinking.
His face started to harden, but he caught himself. “You’d be surprised. Most people don't realize new cars are run by computers.”
I had to admit he was good. I almost believed him.
“Rose, we’ve fought before and you’ve never been afraid of me. Why are you scared of me now?”
I didn’t know what to say. My eyes filled with tears, only maybe I could use it to my advantage. “I’m sorry. First Momma was killed, then Sloan and the break-ins. It’s all too much. I’m sorry.”
“Do you think I’d hurt you?”
I thought for a millisecond before I answered, “No, of course not.”
But it was a millisecond too long. He looked more hurt than he had a right to. “We can go home if you want.”
“No! I’m okay. Just tell me where we’re goin’.” I still hoped to get away and it would be easier to lose him if we were around other people. “I can’t take any more surprises right now.”
“The park first, to fly a kite.”
“Really?” His response surprised me.
“Yeah, I bought one a few days ago. I also planned to dance with you but you already did that one.”
I gave him a hesitant smile.
“I was gonna offer to help you with number thirteen but after what just happened, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Number thirteen?”
“Get a boyfriend.” He sounded embarrassed.
Regret and sadness for what my life could have been washed through me as I faced the reality of what it was. People died all the time, every day. What did one more insignificant person matter?
What was the point of this stupid list?
When we got to the park, Joe told me he’d hold the kite and I was supposed to run with it. It took several attempts until the kite became skybound. Joe ran over to me and fed line until it flew higher and higher. He stood next to me but our magic had disappeared, replaced with fear and wariness. Joe sensed it too and asked me if I was ready to go.
We walked to the car, side by side but a million miles apart, and I saw a family setting up a picnic. A mother and father with two small children. The father tossed a baseball to his son and the daughter sat on blanket playing with a doll. I watched with sadness and envy.
“Why does that make you so sad?” Joe asked after he put the kite in the trunk.
“Because it’s what I’ve always wanted, but I’ll never have.”
“Why do you say that?”
I looked at him, my face reflecting my emotions. Empty. “Let’s not pretend anymore, okay?” I moved to open the passenger door.
Joe shut the door and backed me up to the car. “You’re right, let’s not pretend anymore.” He put both arms on either side of me, blocking me in, but his face was soft and sad. “Come on, Rose. Why are you afraid of me? I keep telling you that I only want to help you. Please, let me help you. Tell me about Sloan.”
“I told you everything there is to know about Sloan.”
He looked up at the sky in frustration then leveled his gaze with mine. “You’re not telling me everything. Why?”