“How?”
I wondered if she was confused or needed every ounce or reassurance I could give her to convince her I meant what I said. It would have to be different.
“Because I think we’ve established that there might be something between us other than fun,” I explained.
“But you don’t want more than fun. You told me in the car things aren’t supposed to get serious. You don’t want to cross lines or mix business and pleasure. I heard all of it.”
My thumb brushed over her lips. “Did you miss this?”
She nodded, her mouth parting slightly to kiss the pad of my thumb. I felt the urges rise in my chest.
“I did. I tried not to. I swear I don’t how you made me miss you, but you did.” She nuzzled against my neck, and I held my breath. “Mason, I’m scared to do this again.”
I tilted her chin toward me. “We have to rewrite all the rules.”
“I think that’s the problem. You have too many rules. I don’t know what I can and can’t do. First it was no interviews. Then one interview. Then you wanted me to stay over, and then you didn’t, only to end up spending the most incredible night in your bed with a promise it was a one-time deal.” She huffed. “And then on the way to San Antonio we agreed we were only in this for the fun. But I totally hijacked that when I unloaded all my family problems on you. We clearly have no fucking clue what we’re doing.”
I laughed. “You make it sound like we are escaped mental patients.”
“I’m glad you find this funny.”
“It’s the way you laid it out. We can’t make up our minds.”
“No we can’t.”
I pulled her to me so she was straddling my lap. “Unless maybe we had an idea from the beginning of what this was, and we didn’t want to face it.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“That we should just see how things go.” My heart felt heavy. I could feel the pulse thicken in my veins as I held her in my arms.
“Are we going back to fun status?” There was an edge in her voice. Distrust and skepticism crept in again.
I shook my head. “No, darlin’, not fun status.” I kissed her cheek. “I’m talking about something real. We see where things go.”
“It sounds open-ended. I’m not trying to put you in a corner, but I’m trying to figure you out, Mason. I don’t know what you want. I keep trying to twist myself to be that girl, and it’s making me dizzy. I’m not even the kind of girl who tries to fit into a certain mold. It never works, and it’s not going to work with you either. Look at what’s already happened. A cool, fun girl never would have run up your credit card and gone missing all day. A fun girl wouldn’t have stormed out.”
“I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not.” I touched the bare skin below her shoulder. “I like this girl.”
“Is that really what you want?”
“Tell me what you want.” I kissed below her neck. The shirt hung loosely from her shoulder. “What did you think about this week besides punching me?”
I could tell she was hesitant to tell me. “Come on, we’re both out on a ledge here. Talk to me.”
“All right. I thought about you before I fell asleep and when I woke up.” Her voice quieted. “I thought about how I felt when you kissed me. And how I wished you were next to me in bed. But not just the sex. God, this sounds like I’m a complete sexpot.”
“Hey, no it doesn’t. Keep going.”
“It sounds crazy, we don’t even know each other that well. But I missed your voice.” She ran a hand along my jaw. “And your hands.” She threaded her fingers through mine. “And the way you make me laugh in the middle of a stupid argument. All of that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Why not? We’ve already stripped this thing down to nothing.”
“Can I go home with you tonight?”
“See? I knew it was about sex.” She sat back a little, balancing on the hold I had on her lower back.
“The sex is fucking incredible,” I growled against her ear. “Thinking about it right now makes me want to take you here on this beach. I don’t care about the bonfire. I wouldn’t care if someone walked over here. But no. I want to go home with you. I want to spend the night with you. No sex. I swear. I want to be with you, Syd.”
She peered at me. “I don’t think I believe that.”
“Before this turns into one of our games or challenges, I’m trying to tell you, Sydney, that I’m interested. I’m not a relationship guy. I’m not going to pretend that I am. You know that’s not me. So when I say I want to see where things go, I’m trying to tell you I see you in my life. I want you in my life. I want more than sex. As much as it’s killing me to even say that.” I grinned.