It also didn't help that life in the ER wasn't something a person could do at half-attention. ERs were full of hard-headed, controlling, stubborn egomaniacs and it took a lot of energy and patience to do her job. Maverick had once made a point about pilots having attitude because they could do something most of the world couldn't. Doctors weren't far behind them in that same way of thinking. Lindsey looked around the area that had been her home for years. There were so many stories she could tell, and some she did, leaving out patients' names of course. But some instances were just too dang absurd not to share with a best friend. Sometimes she didn't believe something had happened until she told another nonmedical friend about it.
There were the patients you knew on a first-name basis, who always seemed to have a menial problem of some sort, but in actuality were looking for drugs or for a familiar face and someone to be kind to them.
A good medical person learned the difference really quick between someone truly needing help and someone who wanted a fix.
Lindsey's favorite patients were the seniors whom she'd grown attached to because they spent more time in the ER than she did. Some of them had nobody who cared about them but the medical personnel. She'd had many honorary grandparents in her years of nursing.
At one time, Lindsey had thrived in the hospital. Now, it brought her too much fear each time the doors opened. The charge nurse had put her on day shift, knowing she would need other staff members around her. But still, the hospital wasn't the safety net it had once been.
There was a time she'd thought of no other place safer. It was where death was pushed back and lives that were tossed aside as a lost cause were miraculously saved. The hospital was comfort and love, open arms and escape.
But now, that feeling was gone. Now it was a place where attacks could turn deadly.
None of that should matter. She'd been back for months and she refused to let her fears keep kicking her back down. She refused to live her life in fear. She was a grown up, and having a career was what responsible people did. They didn't quit when the going got rough.
Making it through the hard times and coming out a better person was what defined a human being. She wouldn't be defined as a quitter, though tucking her tail and running had become a thing for her for too long. She certainly was running from Maverick-but that wasn't something she would feel guilty about.
The man was lethal, after all, and part of being a responsible person was knowing when you couldn't win a battle. Any type of skirmishes with Maverick were bound to go in his favor.
One thing she did love about being an ER nurse, though, was that she needed to be sharp, able to make decisions fast. Sometimes her decision would mean the difference between a patient living or dying. She also had to know when it was a true emergency and when it was somebody trying to take advantage of the system. She had to be confident.
There wasn't time for her to be weak or afraid.
"Spill the beans, Lins. You've been rushing from one place to the other ever since you got here, and I want to know why that hunk of a man who was here yesterday was eyeing you like you were exclusively his," Betty, the young blonde nurse said when Lindsey sat down to do some notes on her files.
Dang it. She'd been hoping the nosy nurse would be busy for a while, and she could slip in and out of the nurses' station before she got cornered into talking about something she had no idea what to say to.
"He's my best friend's brother-in-law. That's all. He broke his arm and needed a ride," she said, trying to make her voice sound bored.
"You don't think you're really going to get away with that, do you?" Betty persisted.
"Really. That's all he is." She certainly wasn't going to tell the hospital gossip that she'd slept with the man.
Maverick really was nothing to her. Yet each time she saw him, he was more appealing. It was truly a shame, actually. There were so many men out there who didn't have a thing going for them, yet God had seen fit to give this man every desirable feature anyone could ever want.
His piercing green eyes, broad shoulders, and dark hair made her want to have a redo of their one night together. That was saying something after what she'd been through. Maverick was the definition of the ultimate man-candy, plus he was absolutely noncommittal in relationships, which meant a fling with him would not lead to a lot of headaches. She wasn't interested in a fling, though. But the fact that he always seemed to be around made her wonder.
Despite her wanting her privacy, it was hard to resist him.
"Fine. You don't have to tell me anything," she said, but then her eyes lit up. "I'll stop bugging you if you agree to go out with us tonight."
"What?"
It had been so long since any of the staff had tried to get her to go out with them. She'd made excuses for so long that they'd eventually given up. It appeared that with Mav's appearance yesterday, they were starting their efforts again.
"I don't know," she said, trying to figure a way to get out of it without seeming rude about it.
"Come on, Lins. You haven't gone out with us in a long time. We all miss you," Betty persisted.
The guilt was working. She really had hibernated for long enough. Maybe if she began some of her old routines again, she would get over the one man she knew better than to get involved with.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to go out for a little while," she conceded.
The way Betty's face lit up made Lindsey feel bad that she had sort of abandoned all her friends. They had tried for so long to be there for her, but she had been determined to get through things her own way.
That way hadn't been helping her, so maybe it really was time to try something new.
Betty got paged away and the rest of the day began to go by in a blur. As the afternoon began winding down, Lindsey even found herself looking forward to spending time with the girls.
It really did help that, as the staff found out she was going out with them, more girls joined in. It made her feel loved and comforted that no one had given up on her even if she had given up on herself.
What a fool she had been.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The music was blaring, the crowd in a near frenzy as they danced and drank and looked for a potential partner to take home for the night.
And Lindsey Helm was ready to go home-alone. Being out with the girls was nice and no one mentioned her absence or the attack or anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. However, she couldn't change her outlook.
So much had changed for her in the past year. And even if she wanted to pretend she was still the same person, she wasn't and never would be again. Maybe it also had to do with the fact that she was exhausted. A lack of sleep did mess with the brain and make it a lot harder to have a good time and truly let go.
Even though she was at the upscale club in Seattle with her coworkers, she still had a part of her that felt there was danger everywhere she looked. Lindsey knew exactly where every exit was located and she was ready to bolt at a moment's notice.
It was nice to be out with her friends, but what she really wanted was to be in her pajamas with a bowl of ice cream while watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cheesy? Yes. Fun? Definitely. There was just something about an immortal vampire that sent good feelings to all the right places, and Angel was one hell of a dark hero.
Shaking that thought away, she pushed her way to the bathroom, stood in line for a half hour, and then tried to make her way back through the nightclub. The noise and lights were beginning to give her a headache. She'd been out with the girls for two hours already. She could possibly get away from them without hurting anyone's feelings.
She was disappointed that she didn't have to work the next day. That would have given her a valid excuse. Maybe it would be better to just suffer through it this one time. The next time she came out, it would be easier and each time after that much easier.
Sighing, she plastered a smile on her face as she got closer to her table. The girls really were being so good to her. She didn't want to ruin it.
"Are you enjoying the music, Lins?" Betty asked, her cheeks flushed from the heat and the amount of alcohol she'd consumed.
"Yes. It's great. I'm so glad you included me," Lindsey told her, hoping she sounded convincing.
"You know you're always welcome," Betty said.
The next hour went by in a blur, and then Lindsey finally saw her opportunity when one of the other nurses made her excuses to leave for the evening.
"I'd better go too," Lins said with an exaggerated yawn. "My day started too early."
There were a few protests, but no one seemed upset.
Lindsey quickly made her escape, reveling in her freedom as she neared the exit-that was, until she was grabbed from behind. Instant panic closed her throat as Lindsey's body tensed. Every nightmare she'd faced in the past year flooded her. But this time Lindsey was more prepared. She'd taken a self-defense class. She wouldn't ever be taken so easily again. Turning quickly, she raised her fists and got ready to strike.