Trusting Liam(74)

“No, really. You two go. You’ll have fun.” She was already off the couch and walking toward her room before she was even done talking.

Seriously? “So anyway, you ready?” I asked Rhys, and began walking toward the front door.

Rhys followed me out of the condo and walked with me over to the farmers market. It was only a mile away from our complex, and I doubted we would have gotten much closer if we’d driven and tried to find a place to park.

We didn’t talk about anything important on the way over, or as we browsed the booths filled with produce. By important, I mean anything that I should have talked to him about. Like what had happened to me after he left, what I really felt the day he showed up at the condo, and just getting to know him again on a deeper level. All we talked about was Kira’s and my job, the differences between California and Florida, and Matthew and Juarez. Rhys never really offered up anything about himself, he just continued directing questions at me.

And like with Kira, I felt like something was off with Rhys.

He was still smiling, polite, and funny, but there was a distance between us that hadn’t been there just a few weeks ago, and it was nothing like the distance I’d placed between us when he’d first showed up. There was just something in his dark eyes that left me wondering why he looked so worried and, at times, unhappy.

I was afraid it had something to do with the fact that he’d been in California for over a month now and I had yet to make a decision. But the truth was, the closer and closer I got to making a decision, the more scared I got. Scared I still hadn’t done enough to give both Liam and Rhys a fair chance, scared I would make the wrong decision and not be able to reverse it, and even more scared of hurting one of them. Both men meant too much to me to want to hurt them—and that thought had me wondering when I’d become such a wimp when it came to voicing my feelings.

But then I looked over at the guy walking next to me, and knew I had my answer. I’d become a wimp about voicing my feelings after Rhys left me—and only to men who held my heart.

“Kennedy, I have a question for you,” Rhys said suddenly, his deep voice rumbling in the dark as we walked back to the condo with tons of fresh food and full stomachs.

Oh God. Oh no, he’s going to ask me to decide!

“It’s going to be personal, and probably awkward for you to answer because it’s kind of awkward for me to ask . . . but I really want to know. I’ve wanted to for some time now.”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly.

“This Liam guy. It was obvious he didn’t know about me.” It hadn’t been a question, but Rhys still looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“No, he didn’t,” I confirmed. “I had actually just told him the night before you showed up that I was going to tell him about my past soon.”

Rhys laughed. “Looks like I had great timing, then.”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

“But if you didn’t tell him about me, did you . . . did you tell him . . .” He drifted off and mumbled a curse as he stopped walking and turned to face me. “Do you still have to be in control?”

“Yes,” I admitted softly.

“And with him?”

I shook my head for a moment. I didn’t want to get into this with Rhys because he knew that my needing control was purely physical and sexual. But then I remembered how he’d started this conversation, and how hard it had been for him to ask his question, and my shoulders fell as I said, “I lose it with him. There’s not even a fight anymore—or, there wasn’t. At the beginning I would try to stay in control, but I wouldn’t hold on to it for more than a minute. He demands it—silently . . . I don’t want you to think he orders me around or anything. But it’s just how he is. He takes control.”

“And you let him,” Rhys stated.

Even though it wasn’t a question, I nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

Rhys started to look uncomfortable again, and he stumbled over his words when he asked, “Anyone else?”

“No. I was always in control except for when I was with you and Liam.” Rhys wasn’t looking at me anymore; he was staring at the ground. “Rhys . . . why are you bringing this up?”

With a heavy exhale, he looked up at me and said, “Because I wanted to know how much he means to you.”

A hard laugh burst from my chest. “And knowing that I lose control with him answers that for you?”

Rhys watched me for a second with a sad smile. “Yeah, it does. Knowing how you were when we met, I knew exactly what I meant to you when you stopped trying to maintain control physically. Because right after that was when you stopped trying to control the relationship, and you just let us happen. Everything about you and us changed then.”