Jay rested his hands on my shoulders. My body curled in response, trying to escape his touch. But he left them there, the weight heavy on me.
“I need you in my life. I waited so many years, watched you from afar. Wanting you.”
“But,” I struggled to get his words straight in my head. An entire new set of alarm bells screamed through my head. “But I’ve only worked here six months.”
James exhaled through his nose. I waited for an answer but none came. Instead he spun my chair around back to face him and crouched down looking straight into my eyes. I closed my eyes His hand stroked my cheek and cupped my face. I refused to open my eyes.
“I can fix this. I can make this right.”
“No you can’t. How can you make it right? There is nothing you can do. I will never forgive you.” My voice got quieter with each word. “You have ruined my career. You have ruined my life.” I didn’t have to strength to add how he’d hurt me the most.
“Abbie, your career isn’t ruined, not at all. You’re amazing, you’re smart, you’re intelligent. And your career is going to be fantastic.”
“No it isn’t. No one will hire me now. They’ll think I have no ability, that I just sleep my way to the top and nothing more. They’ll only hire me for that purpose.”
“That’s not going to happen.” His voice had been firm and metered every time he opened his mouth. A stark contrast to my own.
I took a few breaths to calm myself before speaking again. “You took the file from my desk, didn’t you?”
“Of course. You didn’t. I had to get rid of him and I needed the file to do it.”
“You only wanted to get rid of him to promote me! Because I’m fucking you!”
“No. I wanted to get rid of him because he’s incompetent. I wanted you promoted because you’re good at your job.”
At least that part is true. I am good at my job. I’m just going to have to move far away if I ever want to get one again. To somewhere that doesn’t have the internet yet. Like Timbuktu.
The anger rose from the pit of my stomach again. How could he do this to me? How did I let him?
“What were you thinking when I screamed the name Jay as I came?” I tried to keep my voice low, but I was yelling by the time I got to his name. His fake name.
“I won't apologize for that Abbie. There were reasons, good reasons and you need to understand that.”
His words hit me in my ribcage and I hyperventilated.
“You would not say that if you knew what Matt put me through.” I pushed each word out one by one, between my rapid breaths.
“I know.”
“No you don’t. You don’t understand at all or you’d never hurt me like this!” I stood, but his body trapped me behind my desk.
“Abbie,” he said, placing his hands on my waist, “I know he hurt you. I am not him.”
“But you’re just as bad as him.”
“No I’m not.”
“Matt destroyed me. And I thought there was just a little, tiny chance that I could be resurrected when I met you, but now, James, now I know there’s no hope.”
I tried to push past him. I needed out of there. Needed air. Needed Sam. Needed Jenny. He didn’t release me from his grip, his hands on my waist stopped my escape.
I stopped worrying about keeping my voice down. “Let me go. Leave. I never want to see you again.”
My eyes flicked through the glass, aware of more and more people on the other side of it. Looking in at me. Laughing at me. At least the humiliation Matt caused was only private. This is a public humiliation, and worse.
As if reading my mind, James said, “Don’t worry about them, they don’t know. They only know we have a relationship.”
“Had,” I said, my voice seething.
“Walk out of here with me. With my arm around you. I’ll take you away and we’ll get through this.” The comment caught me off guard and a wicked laughed emanated from my belly.
“We will not get through this Jay. I will not walk out of here with you. There is no us!” I waved my hands above my head, then tried to shove him off of me.
At the contact of my hands with his chest, he let go of me. He held his hands in front of him as he backed out from behind my desk. I grabbed my purse and hurried out the door, into Sam’s waiting arms.
She held my head to her chest and pushed us past the spectators.
38
Sam held me all the way to my condo. I leaned into her, trusting her while I was blinded from my tears. Jenny arrived not long after and rushed to comfort me.
“My life is over,” I said between sobs.
“No, it isn’t sweetie, I promise,” Jenny said, rubbing my back.