“Come on, I’m walking you home.”
“Look at the email Calvin just sent me. Jay Mickle is James McAllister.”
Sam looked at me as though she held a pistol to my temple. “Honey, he sent that email to the entire company.”
I collapsed in on myself but Sam’s arms were around me, holding me up. My mind crashed with the new information. As fast as they left my life, all my problems were back. And bigger. I couldn’t work here anymore. Not when everyone has seen the photo.
“No no no, this can’t be.” Who I was pleading with? Anyone. How did I get into another relationship built on lies? Why? I was adamant I would never have another man in my life because they can’t be trusted. None of them. I learned that from Matt. I swore off them, but I caved and went out with Jay. Jay, I mean James proved that beyond any shadow of a doubt.
“Honey, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay, you’re strong. You will get through this.” Sam kept her voice low as she rambled on, trying to comfort me. But the truth is there is no way out of this.
Through the glass walls, people kept walking past. Slowly. Peering in but trying to make it obvious they hadn’t come to laugh at me. Laugh at me naked and fucking in the woods. Laugh at me for being promoted for fucking the owner of the company. Were they also laughing because I didn’t know who I was fucking?
My office door flung open, bouncing off the wall behind it. Jay stormed in. James stormed in. Sam gripped me harder as he rushed over to us. He put his hand on Sam, attempting to shove her off of me but she wouldn’t let go.
37
“Leave, now,” he said to her through gritted teeth.
“Absolutely not.” She stood her ground. She would protect me. The traffic of people going past the glass office wall increased, their paces decreased. My heart pounded off the inside of my ribs, so hard I thought it would crack the bones. I couldn’t focus. It seemed like I was drunk, with things moving in and out of focus. Jay. Sam. The spectators. My memories of Matt. I heaved again.
“I said leave.” Jay’s voice was so ferocious Sam flinched. They stared into each other before Sam relaxed her hold on me.
She looked me in the eye, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and said, “I'll wait right outside, I’ll be watching, making sure you’re okay. Is that okay? You signal if you want me to come back in. Answer me. Is that okay?"
I nodded, but the tears started. She kissed my cheek and left the office, closing the door behind her. I kept my eyes on her, to make sure she would watch and protect me. Sam flung her arms up at the nosy co-workers, ushering them away.
I couldn’t look at him. Jay. James. Whoever he was. I could never look at him again. My legs, drained of strength, gave out without Sam’s support and I sat.
“Abbie, I’m sorry this happened.”
Like sorry could fix this.
“I mean it.”
Like meaning it matters.
“Come with me, let me take you away from here and explain.”
Like this can be explained away.
The sobs fell harder each time he spoke. I reached for a Kleenex to wipe my nose. Then another. And another.
He rested his hand on my shoulder, I wiggled and turned my chair to break the contact.
“Abbie. You don’t know everything going on. Let me explain.”
That’s it. I snapped. “I don’t know everything going on because you’re a liar, Jay,” I spat his name. His fake name. “You’re a fucking liar. Jay or James or whatever the hell your name is.”
“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I…”
“Don’t answer, because I don’t care what your answer is.” I turned and looked straight into his eyes. “James.”
He recoiled at my use of his name. His real name. James lifted his hand and stroked my hair. I spun my chair back away from him. Denying him the look on my face. The look of hurt. The look I’ve had before.
“Come on Abbie, I can take you away from this. Shield you from any fallout. It will go away. Things always go away. This will become a distant memory.”
The hurt melded into anger. “It’s on the internet. Nothing on the internet goes away. Ever!”
“It will. I will make this go away.”
“You can’t.”
“I can. It will. People are scrubbing the email. Staff have been notified that anyone saving it or emailing it on will immediately be terminated.”
“And you? Will you go away too? Because I never want to see your lying face again!”
He was the same as Matt. How did I become involved with me two men who lied about who they were? Made up a complete personality. A complete history. I don’t know anything about either of them. Didn’t know who they really were, only who they made up.