“But how does he know who you are?”
He shook his head, “I honestly don’t know.”
“And why did he accuse me of sleeping my way to the top?” Jay took a sharp inhale of breath, sucking the air from between us. I waited for an explanation, my heart pounding. Nothing about this week made any sense. I had to be strong and not let him dismiss my concerns.
“Well?” I demanded.
He drew me back into him, and his heart thumped against my ear. “It’s all okay, everything is fine.”
“How does Calvin know who you are Jay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who are you Jay?” My voice was breaking with a mix of anger and tears.
He kissed the tear that had escaped my eyes, kissed down my cheek to my mouth. I tried to resist, tried not to kiss him back, but his jaw forced my lips apart and his tongue forced its way into my mouth. It took all of my willpower, but I did little to return his kiss.
Jay tightened his hold on me and lifted me from the ground. First he only lifted my feet off the floor. I tried to make myself heavy, to ground myself to the earth, but he scooped me up and carried me to the bed, lying me on it.
“Don’t do this Jay,” I rolled off the bed and stood beside him once more. “Why aren’t you answering my questions?”
“What questions?”
“What questions? Seriously? My old boss just sought me out and verbally assaulted me in a bar, saying I needed to tell my boyfriend to cough up more money. And you don’t think I deserve an answer for that?” The words rushed from my mouth.
“I think the answer is your ex-boss is insane. You know that already. How am I supposed to have the answer to why he said the things that he did?” The calmness of his voice helped to slow my heart rate. It made sense. But I still had Jenny’s voice in my head.
“Fine. But what about all the other questions I don’t know the answer to? You know everything about me and I barely know anything about you.”
He sat on the bed and patted the space beside him. “Okay, what do you want to know?”
I thought for a second. “Where do you live?”
“I told you I live in the ‘burbs. Not all that far from where we went for a hike.”
“Do you have a dog?”
He laughed. “No.”
“Why do you have so much money when you don’t have a job?” I was almost afraid to ask because I was so scared of what the answer might be.
“I don’t have much money, you’ve seen my car.”
I searched his eyes, “Jay, I know how much the lingerie cost.”
He leaned away from me and looked to the window. I kept quiet. This was the biggest question of all and I had to have an answer. I would not let another Matt happen.
“If I tell you, you have to promise not to hate me,” he said, his voice quiet.
“Why would I hate you?”
He turned back and our eyes met. The sorrow in his eyes melted my heart and I kissed his cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.
“For lying,” he said.
Lying. That word again. No man could be trusted. My insides caved in, crushing my heart and lungs in the process. I gasped, trying to take in air. The damn burst and tears rolled down my cheeks.
Jay moved closer and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to resist, to move away. In my mind I was already running down the hallway. But he held on to me and I had no chance of overpowering his strength.
32
“Listen, hear me out.”
“No, no, no,” I said, shaking my head.
He put his hand on the side of my head and pushed it tight against his chest, immobilizing it. My heart thumped madly, and I needed escape.
“I can’t lose you Abbie, I did something stupid, and I can’t lose you for that. I love you.”
My caved chest exploded outwards. He loves me? Matt hadn’t told me he loved me until we’d been living together a year. And even after that, I can remember each time he said it, so infrequent did those words pass his lips. I let the feeling wash over me, into every dark, long forgotten crevice.
He kissed the top of my head and said, “I have a lot of money and women use me for it. Take advantage of me. They never want me for me. With you, I knew right away you were special, someone I could see myself being with forever. I didn’t want the money to get in the way of us.”
“Rich,” I said, my voice inaudible. I wanted to say ‘forever’ but I couldn’t get the word out. Jay. Forever. No secrets. He was only hiding his wealth from me. Because it’s hurt him before. Women have hurt him before. It made perfect sense. Obviously he was going to tell me when he knew I wasn’t a gold digger. Even Jenny would approve. I leaned into him. “I don’t hate you for that.”