I looked at his hand, but didn’t offer mine. “I’m Abbie,” I muttered.
Undeterred, Duncan sat on the bench beside me. I gave Jenny a look, as if to say what the fuck, but she gave me a wide-eyed stare and gestured to talk to the guy. He didn’t seem to notice my appeal to her. Or at least he didn’t let on if he did.
“Do you come here often?” he asked. How original.
“Sometimes,” I responded then turned to Jenny. “So Jenny, Matt is taking me to Cape Cod for our anniversary. I can’t wait, seven years, hard to believe, isn’t it?”
Jenny rolled her eyes, “Hard to believe all right.”
But it worked, Duncan stood and left giving a little wave as he went.
“You’re an idiot,” Jenny said as soon as he turned away.
“I’m not interested in another relationship.”
“I know, you’re still in the all men are assholes phase. You have to get through that.”
“I don’t want to.”
“But you have to. Enough time has passed Abbie, you have to move on with your life.”
“There’s no way I’ll ever trust a man again, I promise you that much.”
“You didn’t have to have a long term relationship with that blond, just a good, casual fuck.”
“Ha!” I laughed, “I could do with one of those.”
“So then go after him, have a one-night stand. Wake up in the morning feeling better. Orgasms have amazing therapeutic powers.”
“I’m far too scared for that.”
“Just do it.”
“No way. What if he has a little pecker? Or is really selfish in bed? Then I haven’t gotten anywhere.”
“You’re just nervous,” she teased, blowing air through her straw at me.
“So what if I am?”
“You’re going to miss out on a lot of life with that attitude.”
I pouted my bottom lip out at her. She was probably right. Then again what does she know? She’s never had a boyfriend for longer than a year, and it’s not unusual to see her go through a string of men. Heh, maybe she does have this figured out right.
I laid in bed that evening, unable to sleep. With frustration calling out from between my legs, I once again decided to chase the orgasm that eluded me that morning. I picked the vibrator up from the floor and gave it a wipe. On reflection, I ran to the kitchen and raided the junk drawer for some new batteries. Maybe that was the problem, fresh batteries would mean faster vibes. I pressed my hand through the side of my panties and cupped my vulva before slipping two fingers inside.
Wet but not wet enough. I moved the fingers back out and searched for my clit. I rolled it between my fingers and remembered the feeling of being embraced, of hands stroking up and down my back the way Matt used to move his when he fucked me from behind. Once wet enough, I turned on the vibe and guided it into position with my left hand, making sure the little ears were resting on my engorged clit.
With my eyes closed, I concentrated on the feelings of pleasure radiating out from between my legs. I tried to zone out the buzzing noise. I even tried to imagine Ryan Reynolds naked and hard. But nothing pushed me over that edge. Frustrated, I kept going, trying to free myself of negative thoughts. I dragged a hand up my body and tried sucking my thumb, imagining Ryan Reynolds kissing me. Still nothing. I tried to stop thinking that I would never have another orgasm as long as I lived. I tried to stop thinking what I was doing was ridiculous and pathetic and tried to concentrate on the vibrations going on down there.
I was on the verge of giving up when the coffee shop man's smiling face popped into my head. His deep brown eyes sparkled at me, and he smiled. Oh, god that smile was unreal. His shirt fell open, exposing muscles underneath. He drew me into him, tilted my chin towards him, and kissed me. My body tensed then melted, and pulsing pleasure waves overtook my body.
I slid down the kitchen cupboards and sat on the floor. Why had that guy jumped into my mind? And why was he enough to push me into such delight? Was I that desperate for the attention of a man? The way he had so much confidence in speaking to me was definitely sexy. And he was cute. Okay, not cute, he was exceedingly hot. The hottest man who has ever spoken to me. Perhaps I was stupid to be cold to him. Perhaps Jenny is right, I need a good fuck. But how would I ever get coffee shop man into a one-night stand? Would I ever even see him again?
3
I spent the weekend sulking and cleaning. Then washing my clothes. While putting my clean clothes away, I ended up digging out those old jeans from the back of my closet. After debating what to do with them, I duct taped them to the wall in my kitchen. Right beside the snack cupboard. Shortly afterwards I reasoned I couldn’t waste the food already in my cupboard, and sat down to watch an old romance starring a man my mother probably lusted after while stuffing my face with Oreos.