Trust Me .(64)
“I guess I’m just glad that I learned all of this before I fell for you anymore. I’m not Drake, Avery. Maybe if you found the trust and faith in me that I found in you, you would have been able to see that. I don’t think I can compete with the ghost of Drake,” Maddox says with a shake of his head. “Good bye, Avery.”
And with that, he walks out the door and out of my life.
*****
The first week without Maddox was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. My heart physically hurt in a way I never knew possible. This is so much worse than what I felt after Drake and Kevin. Maybe because what I had with Maddox was so much more. But, I’ll never know how much more it could have been now. I let my trust issues get in the way of the best thing to ever happen to me, outside of Brooklyn.
I called Will Monday night after I got off work. He was off work fortunately, so he came over and helped me by distracting Brooklyn. Then he sat with me on my couch and held me while I cried.
I decide not to go to our Sunday family dinner tonight, making up some excuse about not feeling well. I don’t want to face my family right now, especially Jake. I don’t know if he’d bring Maddox to dinner or not, but I’m not chancing it.
When a knock sounds on my door at eight-thirty, I hesitate to go answer it. Part of me hopes it’s not Maddox, while the other part, a bigger part, is hoping it is. I just don’t want to feel that overwhelming disappointment if it turns out to not be him.
I step up to the door and glance through the peek hole. Jake. I open the door to let my oldest brother in. He’s standing on the porch with concern etching his face. He walks in and I go straight to my couch where I was just curled up in a blanket, staring blankly at the TV.
“So mom says you’re sick. When I asked Will if he’s talked to you, he changed the subject. You look like crap, so what the hell is going on? Are you really sick?”
“I’m not feeling well, Jake.” He stares at me, his laser sharp eyes cutting right through me.
“Bullshit. You’ve never been a good liar, so spill.” He leans back and throws a leg casually up on his knee.
Deciding that it couldn’t possibly get any worse, I decide to tell Jake what I can without giving away who I’m talking about. “You remember several weeks back when I had that date?” He nods and encourages me to go on. “Well, the date went well. We’ve been seeing each other since then.”
“So this is about a guy? Who the fuck is it so I can go kill him!” He stands up and starts pacing my living room floor.
“Jake, settle down. He didn’t do anything wrong. I messed up.” Silent tears begin to fall again.
“Shit. Don’t cry, Ave. I can’t stand it when you cry. It makes me crazy.” He sits back down next to me and wipes my tears streaming down my face. Then, he pulls me into a big bear hug, and I find comfort in his big arms. “How did you mess up?” he asks.
“I heard something about him that ended up not being true. But for a while, I believed it might be. I didn’t trust him.”
“Well, you’ve had a rough past. That’s bound to happen.”
“Yeah, well my past should have no hold on my present, my future. I’m tired of it having a hold of me, Jake. I want to be free of my past and be free to love and trust. I want that more than anything.”
Jake sighs and reaches over and rubs my back. “You’ll have that, sis. I promise. If this guy doesn’t see how wonderful you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. If he won’t stay and fight for you, then he’s a coward, and you should let him go.”
I break down in more tears at the thought of truly letting Maddox go. But, Jake is right. I need to let go of the wrongs of my past or I will never have a future with Maddox…or anyone.
“Don’t cry. Damn, what is wrong with people this week? First Maddox, now you.” I sit up straight at the sound of Maddox’s name.
“What’s wrong with Maddox?” I ask.
“Damned if I know, but he’s been a bear with a thorn in his paw all week. He’s grumpy and acting like a complete bastard. I stopped by last night and it looks like he’s not sleeping.”
I perk up a bit after I hear that Maddox was as miserable as I am. Jake looks at my face, studying it, and I can see it on his face the moment when the light bulb clicks on. His entire body gets tense and his jaw tight. He stands up instantly, leaving me to almost fall over on the couch.
“Wait a minute. Wait just a damn minute. That night you had the date, Maddox had a date.” I stare at him with a deer in the headlights look on my face, holding my breath and watching him as he begins to piece it all together. “That was you, wasn’t it?” he thunders but it really wasn’t much of a question. “Son of a bitch! You’re sleeping with Maddox? What the hell, Avery?”