I didn't wake up the next morning feeling particularly wiser or more mature. Things down there were a bit sore, but that was about all.
Honestly, so long as there was consent and protection, the biggest danger in doing it for the first time seemed to be the memory you'd make and carry with you for the rest of your days. To be able to live with your decision and the whole reality versus expectations, etcetera. But once you'd started, did that automatically mean you should continue and just automatically do it with the next person you liked? Though that didn't really make sense. Guess it depended on how you felt about the next person. And also, the risk of things getting emotional. If the person you'd had sex with ignored you after, or talked crap about you, that would suck. (Learning how to deal with assholes did, however, seem to be an unfortunate part of life.) I don't know. Everyone's different. And how I'd feel when I saw John again, I had no idea.
Found out first thing Monday morning in English class, though.
Ripped jeans, a faded T-shirt, and the mother of all yawns. He gave me a chin tip. I gave him a smile. Awesome. Not awkward at all. We'd survive this whole having-had-sex thing no problem.
"Hey, how you doing?" I asked, turning in my chair.
"Good. You?"
"Good."
He pulled out his book and a pen, getting sorted. "Want to study tonight?"
"I'll text you later." I turned back to face the front of the class.
This was great. How stupid of me to have worried about how having sex would change things! Why, the scent of his sweat, feel of his skin, taste of his mouth, warmth of his breath, noises he made, weight of his body, strength of his hands, and his eyes, oh God, his beautiful eyes, never even entered my head.
We were still just friends. Excellent. Everything was perfectly fine.
While all remained apparently cool between John and me, the school grapevine was abuzz. Gossip had apparently been flying all weekend. We'd left the party together. Ooh!
There'd been some scuffle between John and Duncan over me. OMG!!
But at the end of the day, the possibility that the John Cole could be interested in someone like me was just so fantastically HAHAHA!!!
No one could bring themselves to believe such a ridiculous thing.
Duncan had attempted to corner me outside of Spanish class. I'd made vague gestures at my watch, apologized profusely, and done one of my finer disappearing acts. Now that I'd had sex with John, now that I knew exactly what was involved and how it felt . . . the thought of doing anything remotely similar with Duncan (or anyone else for that matter) freaked me out just a little. Sex was so intimate, so private. I'd hung a closed sign over my girl parts for the time being. Much easier. Not even the thought of dating appealed.
"How about pole dancing?" asked Hang in the cafeteria over lunch. "Any experience in the live adult entertainment industry and/or exotic dancing areas?"
"No. Sorry."
"Damn. Sadly, that rules out a big chunk of the employment market." She flicked through the local newspaper employment pages on her cell. "Cat grooming services?"
"Maybe."
Hang tapped a finger against her lips. "I'm sort of highly allergic. But they have good allergy medicines these days, right?"
I just looked at her.
"No. Okay." She took a sip of her soda. "I'll keep searching."
"Good idea."
"What's a good idea?" asked Anders, squeezing his sweaty self onto the seat between Hang and me.
"You going and having a shower," said Hang. "Yuck. You stink."
"I smell manly."
"No. You smell like unwashed feet."
Anders threw his hands up into the air. "Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?"
"Go. Shower. I'm done with this conversation." After pushing her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose, Hang returned to studying the want ads. "Edie, do you have any secret business credentials you haven't seen fit to share with me?"
"Um, no." I bit into my apple, crunching away. "In fact, I'm reasonably certain I'm going to fail math."
"We can work on that some more tonight," said a familiar voice. He sat down opposite me, blue eyes inscrutable.
I just froze. I don't know why. Or worse yet, I did.
Truth was, I'd gotten off easy having him seated behind me in English. Faking it hadn't been so hard. With him right there, however, staring at me, all of the complicated and difficult stormed through my head. A hurricane's worth of oh shit, what the hell have I done with my best friend.
Time. That's what I needed.
The time and space to put him firmly back in the just-friends box. No need to panic; everything would be fine. I had a plan. After all, it's not like I had so many friends that I could afford to lose one to lust. Especially not one as important to me as John. Yet all I could think when I saw him was how I'd had my tongue in his mouth. He'd had his penis in my vagina. And despite the actual sex part kind of sucking, maybe with my hymen out of the way, next time would be better. Hell, maybe next time would be awesome. With someone who wasn't John Cole, of course.
Yes, he and I would go back to being just friends. Just. Friends.
"Well?" he asked.
"Ah, maybe?"
"Let's talk later."
I kept my face pleasantly blank as Hang's gaze switched from John to me and back again with interest. Luckily for me, John didn't notice. Also, Hang did subtle well, God bless the girl.
"We shooting hoops?" asked Anders. "Or you going to the library again like a loser?"
"Hoops."
"All righty then." After wiping the sweat from his brow, Anders trailed a damp finger across Hang's cheek. "Later, babe."
"Oh God, gross!" she cried, ducking out of reach. "Get away from me."
"I know you want me," he said, getting to his feet.
Nose crinkled, Hang stared at him in disgust. "However did you guess? Hooking up with a feral raving lunatic is absolutely my dream."
A crease appeared between John's brows. "Leave her alone, man. See you later, Edie."
And the recipient for the Best Fake Smile award for the year was (insert drum roll here) . . . me. "'Bye."
"God, now I'm going to have to decontaminate myself with bleach or something." Hang scrubbed at her cheek with a Kleenex.
"What was that?" asked Sophia, moseying on up to our table. Carrie stood beside her, holding her hand. "Are there things going on with you and basketball boy?"
"Good question," I said, despite my own need for privacy. "Seems like he's into you."
"No, no. Absolutely not," said Hang. "I'm not the slightest bit interested in that too-tall idiot. And it's a testament to our friendship that I'm still talking to either of you."
When Sophia turned to me for answers, I gave a small shake of the head. Most definitely not going there anytime soon.
"You sure there's nothing going on?" she persisted, taking a seat. "Are you really really sure?"
"I saw them talking outside of History earlier," said Carrie. "Looked cozy."
With great zest, Hang slapped her hand down on the table. "That's it. You're both dead to me and I'm not even going to mourn you."
"Ooh," Sophia chortled. "The bitch pack won't like that. First Edie and John, now Hang and Anders. You should have seen their faces when the guys were just here. Ouch."
The table full of girls in question sat on the opposite side of the cafeteria, laughing just a little too loud, flipping enough hair around to cause permanent neck damage. I didn't care who the cool girls watched or what they thought, yet conditioning from my early years whispered that it mattered.
As if.
Hang cocked her head, eyes unimpressed. "Seriously, guys?"
"I'm not with John," I said, finishing off my apple. "We're just friends."
"You two doth protest too much." Carrie and Sophia shared a look.
"Don't you two have something better to do than listen to dumbass gossip?" asked Hang. "Like, live your lives or go make out or something?"
"Actually." Sophia leaned into the table, her chin in her hand. "I come bearing good news."
The frown stayed on Hang's face. "What?"
"My old manager is running a home decorating place at the mall and just so happens to be in need of a couple of people for Saturdays." Sophia grinned. "I just might have told her about two mature, honest, and hardworking friends of mine who are looking for jobs."
Hang clapped her hands. "You're alive to me again! Oh my God, that's great, Soph."
"Really?" I asked, excitement building inside me.
Sophia nodded. "She wants you both to stop by one day this week after school."
"That's great." I smiled. "Thank you."
Hang and I beamed at each other. This was it: money, fame, and fortune would be ours. I could feel it.
John: U awake?
John: Edie?
"If you had to make a list of everything you'd need to survive the apocalypse, how high would napkin rings rate for you?" asked Hang.
I put on my thinking face. "Hmm. Food, water, napkin rings."