Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set(212)

“Bring a kid into this world and look at the thanks I get. You’ll remember this day when your kid turns its back on you.”

He gripped the doorknob with sweaty palms. “With a lot of effort, I hope that won’t happen.”

“What goes around comes around, sonny. And remember, when you look in the mirror, you’re just like me.”

“That remains to be seen,” Kevin muttered. He turned back once more. “You’ve got a family waiting—if you want one,” he said to his father, then shut the door behind him.

Half an hour later, Kevin pulled up to the precinct. He might as well face all his demons at one time. If he wanted his job back, he had to ask.

But first he had to face why he’d walked out on it in the first place. Tony’s death and fear. Fear of being responsible for and to another human being. A job as a security consultant left him responsible for property, something he could handle, though it left him cold and empty and unfulfilled.

He glanced at the black and white patrol cars lining the street. Was he ready to ride in one again? To back up a partner? To be responsible?

And remember, when you look in the mirror, you’re just like me.

Kevin stepped out of the car. “I’m nothing like you, Max.” And as he spoke the words, he knew for the first time that he spoke the truth.

The differences between Kevin and Max were more glaring than the similarities. While Max cared for nothing but himself and his next drink, Kevin was the opposite. If anything, he cared too much. Which was why he’d left a job he loved—because he’d failed his responsibilities and couldn’t live with the fear that he was like Max, no good at caring for anyone but himself.

He’d live with Tony’s death for the rest of his life, but he couldn’t accept full responsibility any longer, nor could he let it run his life. Tony wouldn’t have wanted him to eat, sleep and breathe guilt. Neither did those Tony had loved.

Like Nikki.

He loved her, but instead of showing her, he’d driven her away. All because he’d been too focused on his shortcomings and not on his potential. Because he’d been too busy trying to be responsible in a backward way that hurt, not helped everyone involved.

As he headed up the steps, Kevin shook off the memory of his father’s bloodshot eyes as he spouted the Manning prophecy. He entered the precinct feeling lighter than he had in months, maybe years. Just believing in himself and the future made a huge difference in attitude.

Even if the future was more uncertain than ever.


* * *

Weeding wasn’t a pretty chore, but it was a productive task and the improvement was always evident. Nikki needed to see improvement in something, even if it wasn’t in any particular area of her life. If she kept at it long enough, maybe it would be too late for her to shower and change and still have time to hit the baby stores with Kevin later tonight.

She didn’t know if she could handle it. A mother and father shopping for their unborn baby was supposed to be a joyful occasion, one that was fun and full of hope and promise. But all she would feel this evening was the pain of what would never be.

“Hey you, keep that up and you’ll be pulling the azaleas along with the weeds.”

At the sound of Kevin’s voice, she glanced up but was blinded by the late afternoon sun. “I was just gardening.”

He knelt down beside her. “Looks like you were hacking up the flowers to me.”

She shrugged. “It keeps me busy.”

He settled himself beside her, looking comfortable in the soft green grass. “And that’s important to you? Keeping busy?”

She nodded. “It stops me from dwelling on things I can’t change.” And sometimes it gave her time to dwell on those same things and attempt to come to terms with herself and her life.

“Do you miss school?”

“I don’t miss being in school. I wish I had finished before... Well, let’s just say I wish I was more self-sufficient.”

He leaned forward. “I’m sorry relying on me’s so hard.”

She sighed. “It isn’t you. It’s the taking I hate. It’s not like this is a real marriage and we planned for this baby and decided I’d be a stay-at-home mom.”

“What if it were a real marriage? What if everything was exactly the way you wanted it to be? Would you get your degree and go back to work or would you stay at home with your kids?”

She narrowed her gaze. This was the most serious conversation they’d had since... well, ever. And he’d initiated it. She was curious to see where it led.

She leaned back in the grass, resting on her palms. “I’m not sure if I should answer. You’ll think I’m awfully old-fashioned.”