He paused by a large rock and she curled up on top of it. The smooth surface felt warm and solid through her denim jeans.
“Let’s start with basics, okay? Are you comfortable with Dr. Molloy?” Kevin asked.
“Yes. Very. But not with you paying for her private fees.”
“I can understand that. And I’m not looking to control your life, but there’s not just you to consider.” He leaned against the rock beside her. “You may have to come to terms with the fact that I’m half responsible for this situation and since you didn’t plan it, you’re going to have to accept my help.”
She bit down on her lower lip. As much as it pained her to take steps backward and accept help after she’d struggled to be independent, what choice did she have? She couldn’t afford everything this baby would need, at least not yet.
“Go on,” she said, wanting to hear him out.
“I did some research into my insurance policy through work.”
“And?”
“Much as I’d love to cover you, there’s no way your pregnancy wouldn’t be considered preexisting.
She’d known that already. “Besides, even if they would cover the pregnancy, we’d have to be married in order for coverage to kick in.” She glanced down and kicked at a rock on the grass. Better than facing Kevin when mentioning marriage and commitment.
“I know.”
“You do.”
He met and held her gaze. “Yes.”
Her breath caught as his words sunk in. “You considered marrying me?”
“I still am.” If she weren’t already sitting down, she might have passed out.
She cautioned herself to be calm. And not to read too much into mere words. “Why? Because it’s the right thing to do?”
“Hell, yeah it’s the right thing to do. And if Tony...
“If Tony were alive he’d follow you to the church with a shotgun,” she finished for him. “But he’s not. And not everyone who gets pregnant gets married.”
“No, but the smart ones do. Or at least they consider it.”
Remain rational, remain calm, Nikki cautioned herself. He didn’t know it, but he was handing her the solution she sought. A way to solidify things between them and create a future.
He was going out of his way to do right by her and the baby. So what if she’d rather him profess his undying love and tell her he couldn’t live without her. Those were girlish daydreams. And she had envisioned marrying Kevin and the reason had nothing to do with an unexpected pregnancy and everything to do with love. If she waited for that to happen, she’d be old and gray first. But if she let him make the decision to commit—and then went backward to build up on that, they might have a chance.
She swallowed hard. “Okay, tell me why marriage would be a benefit?” she said.
He shot her a startled glance. Obviously he expected more of an argument. She was shocking herself, too.
“I can cover the baby without marriage, but he’d still have the stigma of illegitimacy. And I want my... our baby to have my name. To know who his father is, and know he can count on me.”
“He?” Nikki couldn’t help but chime in.
Kevin grinned. “As soon as he or she is born.”
Logically, she wanted the same things for their child. But marrying Kevin... tying herself to him for better for worse... forever... she wasn’t ready.
“I need time to think,” she murmured. She wanted—needed—personal time to digest the concept and the changes that would inevitably follow should she say yes.
“I realize that. But Nikki...” Reaching out, he grasped her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him. “Just know I trust you to make the right decision. For all of us.”
He trusted her judgment. A huge concession for a man who feared ceding control. Who feared the consequences if he backed off. “Thank you.”
He nodded.
As sure as the breeze blew around her, Nikki knew Kevin’s proposal was motivated by devotion to his child. Although she found comfort in his sense of responsibility, she also found pain. Because she’d inadvertently trapped him, and in so doing, she’d found herself someone’s responsibility yet again.
But she hadn’t yet found someone who loved her.
NINE
Kevin kicked back in his office and stared at his messages. A couple of offers for freelance security jobs thanks to Patrick O’Neill, a friend on the force, who routinely recommended him for work. Other than Tony, Pat was the only other guy Kevin trusted in a pinch. He was the only person other than his father Kevin had let know the moment he hit town again a few months ago.
He glanced at the messages, knowing he’d call these people back. A job was a job. Something to pay the bills. Who was he kidding? Nothing could compete with his previous occupation. He’d loved being a cop. It was in his blood. But Tony’s death had changed everything. In the instant he’d seen his partner lying on the ground, Kevin realized he had no business playing backup to anyone. So no matter how much he missed active police work, he was better off consulting on security systems and guarding a warehouse as opposed to a living, breathing human being.