“Maybe not,” she murmured.
“Definitely not. Until you damn near married my brother I didn’t realize what a mess I’d made of my life. That was a wake-up call if I’d ever gotten one.”
“I thought you provided me with the wake-up call.” She smiled, the gesture so warm and open, he nearly forgot the last month of deprivation.
“We’re good for each other.” If her appearance was any indication, she’d missed him as much as he’d ached for her. She’d lost weight in the time they’d been apart. Slender legs were encased in tight leggings and suede boots. Her damp hair trailed over an oversized white sweater that hugged her thighs. And shadows lurked in her dark eyes. Shadows he’d do his damndest to remove, if she’d let him.
He touched her soft cheek with one knuckle. “In your own quiet way, you showed me all I was missing.
She shook her head. “I abandoned you.” She didn’t meet his gaze.
“No.” Pulling her against him, he buried his face in her hair and inhaled the scent he’d only had the luxury of dreaming of. “You cared enough to let me go when I needed to.”
In a move that stunned him, she jerked backward, removing herself from his arms and distancing herself from his touch. She stood. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.
“Don’t give me so much credit.” She shook her head and laughed, a harsh sound that tore at his heart. “I let you go because it was easier than walking away myself. But if you hadn’t gotten that call, don’t think for a minute I wouldn’t have found an excuse to pull away.”
He stood and remained silent. Nothing she said came as a shock to him, nor did it bother him the way she obviously thought it should. “And?”
“Don’t you get it? I wanted you to go.” She obviously felt she owed him the truth.
He respected her for that, he thought, watching her sink back into the couch. “And you wanted me to come back, just as much as I wanted to come back to you.” He stayed silent until she looked at him. “I went because I had to and came back for the same reasons.”
“I don’t understand.”
Or she didn’t want to. The glimmer Mike saw in her eyes wasn’t happiness, it was uncertainty, and his heart clenched with the same emotion. Because for the first time he acknowledged that he might actually lose her.
“Commitment,” he explained. “I had to complete one before I could make another.” He leaned over. Lowering his head to hers, he tasted her lips, reveling in the sweetness that was uniquely Carly. His mouth moved over hers, coaxing and teasing, seeking acceptance. Her resistance fled in seconds, with a soft sigh and an intimate greeting. Her tongue met his and Mike’s self-control went into remaining gentle but insistent. He couldn’t, wouldn’t lose her now.
She raked her fingers through his hair as she allowed him to draw her closer. He brushed feather-light kisses on the tip of her nose and across her jaw. He sat beside her and drew her close. She didn’t pull away and that gave him hope.
Now he owed her honesty. “Orphaned isn’t abandoned. Do you remember telling me that?” He separated them so he could look into her brown eyes.
She nodded.
“I didn’t understand then. Until I spent time with those kids from the accident, I couldn’t. But I realize now that I was still feeling like a lost kid... and pushing away any chance of ever settling down. Running from one job to the next without any long-term commitment, not letting anyone close to me... because I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to leave me again.”
“Including me?”
“Especially you. Because you meant more to me than anyone else. So I left you first.”
She shook her head and laughed, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “Some pair we are.”
“But I came back. The appendicitis hit once I’d already landed, but I came back. Do you understand now?” he asked.
She pressed a kiss to his neck but remained silent causing his heart to thud painfully against his chest. Mike grasped her arms in front of her, holding her before him, begging her to listen and understand. “We both had things to deal with, things to face. There’s no shame in that.”
“I know. I wasn’t any better at dealing with the past than you were. But that’s changed. While you were gone, I made peace with my parents.”
Pride swelled inside him and her words gave him hope. “I know what that took for you.”
She nodded. “And I learned something.”
“What was that?”
“That my perception of safety was as false as my perception of life. Nothing about Peter was safe.”