BLOW UP
Back in sixth grade when I’d been an astronomy nut, I’d learned this neat word: syzygy. It’s what they call it when several heavenly bodies line up. But syzygy can be bad news when earthly bodies are involved. Torchie found that out on Wednesday. We were walking along the first-floor hall right after lunch. Torchie was ahead of me. Down the hall, someone had left the door open on one of the broom closets. Hindenburg was ahead of us. He’d stopped near the closet to tie his shoe. The sight of his gas-filled butt pointing in my direction was enough to slow me down, but Torchie kept walking. Right when Torchie reached the closet, Bloodbath came along in the opposite direction. The three of them—Torchie, Hindenburg, and Bloodbath—were lined up perfectly with the open closet.
Syzygy.
Bloodbath took one look at the two of them and I guess he just grabbed the opportunity. He charged into Torchie, knocking him into Hindenburg and pushing both of them into the closet. Then he slammed the door shut and leaned against it.
“Hey!” Torchie yelled from inside. He started pounding on the door.
I wanted to help him, but I wasn’t sure what I could do.
“Come on,” Torchie shouted. “I’m dying in here.”
“Gas chamber,” Bloodbath said.
Kids clustered around, getting close enough to see what was going on, but not so close that Bloodbath could reach out and snag them.
“Please!” Torchie wailed. “Let me out. I can’t breathe.” He pounded on the door.
I heard a louder crash. It sounded like Torchie was kicking the door. Two more kicks jarred the door. I took a step closer, then stopped as I realized the danger of Torchie, the human flame, trapped in a closet with Hindenburg, the human gas tank. I turned and raced away.
An instant later, along with the smash of the loudest kick yet, a huge WHUMPF of an explosion ripped the air. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see the door go flying, pushing Bloodbath across the hall. Too bad it hadn’t flattened him. I’d have loved to have seen him knocked on his butt.
Bloodbath took off, strolling down the hall as if he’d had nothing to do with the destruction.
Torchie staggered out, gasping, as the smell of the world’s largest lit fart rolled through the hall. It was a good thing the inspection wasn’t today. The smell alone would have been enough to close the school forever. Behind Torchie, Hindenburg stumbled out, looking dazed.
“You okay?” I asked Torchie.
“It was awful … .”
“I can imagine.” We hurried off to class.
“We’re going to get that guy, aren’t we?” Torchie asked as we reached Mr. Briggs’s classroom.
“You bet.” I tried to sound confident. I really wanted to score a few points for our side. That was all I thought about for the rest of the day.
“Have you learned anything?” I asked Cheater that evening. The inspection was only two days away.
He shook his head. “It’s not that easy. I told you, I get stuff people are thinking, but it’s not like reading a book. I can’t just look into someone’s mind. I guess it’s more like a radio. You know, like when you’re in a car and you start scanning through the stations.”
“Maybe if you got closer to them,” I suggested.
“Good idea,” Torchie said.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Cheater told him. “If you got in trouble with them, you could just set something on fire. I don’t have any way to protect myself. I’m not going near those guys. I’m the kind of person they like tossing around. In case you hadn’t noticed, Bloodbath isn’t just mean and violent and ignorant. He’s also prejudiced.”
“I’ve noticed,” Flinch said. “I think we’ve all noticed.”
“You want to get sent somewhere else?” I asked.
Cheater shook his head.
“Do you trust us?” I asked him.
Cheater paused for a second, then nodded. “Yeah.”
“Will you take a bit of a risk?” I asked.
“I guess,” Cheater said. Then he asked me a question. “Do you have any idea what you are doing?”
I shook my head. “Not a clue.”
ESPIONAGE
“Okay,” I asked the group, “how do we get Cheater close to Bloodbath?”
“Without getting me killed,” Cheater added.
“I know,” Lucky said. “Torchie could start a fire. And then when everyone comes running to see what happened, that would give Cheater a chance to sneak up behind Bloodbath.”
“Too dangerous,” Torchie said. “I’m just starting to get control.”
“Yeah,” Flinch said, “and if there was a fire, they might accidentally serve us a hot meal.”