He opens the passenger door for me. No one has ever done that before, and I can’t help but smile at his gesture. I slip into the seat and watch as Jordan rounds the hood. The way his body moves with such confident ease … it’s so attractive on him. I wish I was that comfortable in my own skin.
He climbs in next to me.
There’s a quiet unease between us. I know I’m the cause of it because of my nerves at being on a date with him, but I’m really missing the ease we normally have between us. I do want to be on a date with Jordan, I just don’t like the pressure it’s putting on me … or the pressure I’m putting on myself.
He starts the engine and the radio fills the empty background, but the silence between us is still palpable.
“Are you okay?” His softly spoken words bring my face to him.
I wring my hands in my lap. “Just a little nervous, I guess.”
“About?”
“Being on a date.” I twist the beads around my finger. “I just … I haven’t…” I shake my head, struggling to find the right words to explain my feelings.
“Hey…” He gently touches my chin with his finger.
I love the way his touch feels. I never thought it would be possible, and I’ll never tire of him touching me, but I just wish I knew how to tell him. How to express how he makes me feel … how I feel about him. I know I’m not what he’s used to, and I know I won’t ever be able to be like those women. I’m afraid I’m going to be a disappointment to him.
“… there is nothing to be nervous about. We’re just going out to have some fun, dance and get sprayed with paint.” He grins.
It’s impossible not to smile back.
“There you go.” He touches the corner of my smile with his thumb. And those damn fireflies start off in my stomach again, swooping and somersaulting. “Nothing will happen tonight that you don’t want, okay?” His gaze is warm on my skin.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
***
Beth seems nervous about her date. She has done nothing but talk about it from the moment we picked her up. She’s like a bundle of nervous energy, but honestly, I like it. I like her. And Beth’s nerves are making me feel a little more normal about my own.
I love the dynamic between Beth and Jordan. The way he never seems to get annoyed or irritated by her incessant chatter about her date with Toni. Forbes would never have let me talk that way, but then I guess Beth is Jordan’s friend, not his girlfriend.
I’ve wondered why they are nothing more than friends as Beth is really pretty and they get on so well, but I had my question answered after five minutes of Beth being in the car when she talked about Toni in the female sense. Turns out Beth is into girls.
A girl who went to my school was a lesbian. She was bullied incessantly because of it. I used to feel so terrible for her, but it wasn’t as if I could do anything to help her. I wish I could have, but I couldn’t even deal with my own problems, so I had no chance of helping anyone else. I wonder if Beth has suffered any hassle because of her sexual orientation. If she has, then I’m glad that Jordan is by her side because I can imagine him kicking the crap out of anyone who bullied her.
Jordan parks a few blocks over from the club and we start the short walk. The sidewalk is narrow, so Beth is in front, Jordan and I behind.
Because we’re so close, our hands keep brushing as we walk. Every time they touch, a jolt of heat flares up my arm. I’m desperate to hold his hand. We’ve held hands before, always Jordan holding mine, but that was before this, when we were just friends. Now things have changed, and it makes holding hands seem like such a bigger deal.
“Fuck it,” I hear him mutter, and the next thing I know he’s taking hold of my hand.
My heart takes flight, buzzing around my chest.
He leans down to my ear. “Is this okay?” His warm breath whispers over my skin.
Shivering, I turn my head resting my chin against my shoulder, I stare into his eyes. “It’s more than okay.”
He lifts my hand, bringing me close to his side, and brushes a kiss over my knuckles.
I can hardly take my eyes off him. He becomes more beautiful and more precious to me with each passing second, and it terrifies me.
He’s too good for someone like me. Forbes was right when he said I was nothing. I’m not meant for someone as good as Jordan.
The happiness I was feeling disappears. My stomach drops. I look ahead and find Beth looking over her shoulder at us, smiling.
Then she catches my eye, and her smile vanishes. I quickly look away, and paste on a fake smile, relieved when the club comes into view.