I ignore the unpleasant twist in my stomach brought on by the knowledge of Jordan leaving a bar with a girl he more than likely wanted to have sex with.
“We were headed to get a cab, when I was jumped by Donnie and a couple of his guys. It was meant to a warning beating because I hadn’t paid up, but I made the mistake of fighting back, instead of just taking it – I’m not one to take a beating.” He shrugs. “And I … mid-fight, to antagonize him … kind of told Donnie that I’d had sex with his girlfriend.”
“Had you?”
“Yes.”
Stomach twist. “Oh.”
“It was a one-time thing. A mistake.” He sighs. “But after telling him … well, that was when Donnie pulled out a baseball bat.”
“Dear god.” I wince, closing my eyes, feeling his pain as if was my own. I know how bad beatings can be. Especially when a weapon is involved.
“Anyway.” He drags his hand through his hair. “The girl ran back to the bar while it was happening, got my friends out to help me, called the cops…”
I see the rest in his eyes. “Your dad?”
“Yeah. He lost his shit when he saw the state they had left me in. The bastards had fucked off the second they heard sirens, but my dad didn’t let up. He eventually found Donnie a couple of blocks over, and…” He lets out a long sigh. “…he beat the shit out of Donnie—who was unarmed by this point. He’d dropped the bat running. My dad hurt him. Really hurt him. Left him in a bad way.”
Jordan’s eyes search out mine. “You gotta understand, Mia … my dad … he’s not violent by nature. It’s just not who is. He’s a great guy – really great. The best. And he deserves a kid better than me. It was just … well, Mom hadn’t long since passed, and I’m his only child. I guess he just lost it when he saw me.”
I nod, letting him know I understand. I only wish I’d had a dad as caring and protective as Jordan’s.
“Dad was suspended pending investigation.” He leans back in his chair and rubs his eye. “After the investigation, he was found guilty and stripped of his badge and gun. He can’t ever work in law enforcement again – courtesy of my fuck-up.” He lifts his bottle in mock-cheers, then presses it to his lips and tips his head back.
“Did anything happen to Donnie for what he did to you?”
Jordan lets out a hollow laugh. “He got a twelve month suspended sentence.”
“And you still had to pay off the debt you owed?”
“Yep. Just because Donnie and his boys kicked my ass, didn’t make the debt with Max go away. So dad lost out again. Bailed me out plus ‘interest’. I started attending Gamblers Anonymous and got clean. I still attend the meetings now.” His eyes seek mine out as though it really matters to him that I know this. “And now we’re flat broke, trying to keep a failing hotel afloat, and Donnie is still out for my blood for what my dad did to him. And because I screwed his now ex-girlfriend.” He gives a weak smile as he puts his bottle down.
Ignoring the third ache of pain I feel at Jordan’s crass words over his past sexual activity, I lean forward, placing my arms on the table. “I really am sorry this happened to you.”
“It didn’t happen to me. Everything that happened was my own fault. I fucked up my life and took my dad down with me.”
“Your life is not fucked up, and you definitely didn’t take your dad down with you.”
“It is. And I did. I’m not a good person, Mia.” He shakes his head, leaning back in his seat.
I can feel him withdrawing from me. I don’t like the way it feels.
“You’ve been good to me,” I press.
He lets out a hollow laugh. “You’re probably the only person on this planet who can say that.” His eyes fix me with a stare. “And I haven’t really done that much for you, Mia. Not really.” He looks away from me. “There’s nothing good about me, believe me.”
“I think there is a lot that’s good about you,” I push back.
So much. Too much.
His eyes come back to me. Dark and angry. “Did you not hear what I said before? I completely screwed everything up. I fucked up my dad’s life.”
“No. Everything your dad did was his choice.”
“As a result of my actions.” I can see his anger rising.
This is normally the point where I back down, give in, and agree – not that I would have ever argued this far. But with Jordan I know I can, and I’m not backing down. Not this time.
“Everyone is responsible for their own actions.”