I felt the lash of the first hit on my back. Stifling my screams, I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood.
“Jesus, Mia! Are you okay?”
A worried Jordan is standing before me. I feel something running down my chin. I press the heel of my hand against my mouth. Blood.
I bit through my lip.
“God, oh, I, uh – it was an accident.”
An accident? Yeah, because normal people bite their lips and draw blood all the time Mia. Perfectly normal. He won’t think anything is off there.
Saying nothing, Jordan takes the beer bottles from my hands and places them on the counter.
That’s when I realize my hands are shaking.
“Sit up here.” He pulls a stool over. I climb onto it, my legs suddenly feeling like jelly. He opens a drawer, then comes back with a first aid kit.
God, I’m such a screw-up. Now I’m zoning out and biting my own lip open. Awesome Mia. Way to go.
“Sorry,” I mumble as he starts to dab at the blood with a wipe. Antiseptic. Stings a little but I’m used to the sting – years of using the stuff will do that. “I’m such a klutz.”
I’m trying not focus on Jordan’s nearness, or how my skin tingles when he touches me. Or how amazing he smells. Or that I want him to kiss me.
Right now.
More than anything.
Yes, that’s what I’m thinking about in this screwed up moment.
Normal is something I will never be. I figured that out a long time ago.
“Stop apologizing,” he says softly, meeting my eyes. “Just tell me what happened back then.”
I hold my gaze steady. “Nothing happened.”
“Nothing happened? You zoned out completely. Where’d you go?”
I look away, focusing on the wall behind him. “Nowhere special. I’m sorry.”
He sighs. His warm breath blows through my hair. His exasperation should bother me, but all I can focus on is the way his nearness is making me feel right now. And that’s alive.
I can’t ever remember feeling this alive before.
“Seriously, stop saying you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m just worried about you.” He presses the wipe against my lip. “Were you thinking about what your ex did to you? How you got the black-eye? I know that traumatic events can sometimes be triggered by the smallest thing, causing blackouts and that kind of thing.”
My body freezes. Muscles stiff.
I shake my head.
It’s the truth because the real screwed up in me happened long before Forbes came into my life. Forbes was just the rain after the tornado.
“I’m fine,” I say, probably a little too harshly. I don’t mean to be this way, but I just can’t talk about it. Not with him.
Not with anyone.
Removing the wipe, he steps back and rakes a hand through his hair. I can tell he’s frustrated, and I’m the one frustrating him.
All I ever seem to do is frustrate and anger men, but that’s also all I know. Kindness confuses me. Throws me for a loop.
An angry, frustrated man makes more sense to me.
“I know you don’t know me well, but you can trust me. You can talk to me and tell me anything. I won’t judge … honestly, I’m no one to judge.” His gaze sweeps the floor, then meets back with mine. His eyes are honest and clear. “I might be able to help you.”
Even when he’s frustrated, he’s kind. I don’t know what to do with that.
But I do want his help. More than anything I want to trust someone. I want to trust him.
I open my mouth to let the words spill out. But I can’t. The broken in me can’t be fixed.
“I’m long past help.” I shake my head, hating that I let that slip out. “I appreciate it – you – everything you’ve done for me. But really, there’s nothing to talk about.” I slide down off the stool.
“Thanks for the clean-up, but I’m going to skip dinner. I’m feeling pretty tired.”
“Mia…”
Ignoring the plea in his voice, I’m out of the kitchen and running to my room.
Chapter Eleven
Jordan
I lift my hand to knock on the door, then retract it and step back.
I’m standing outside Mia’s room, wondering if I should knock on her door or not.
It’s a fairly simple act. I lift my hand. It makes contact with the wood. I knock. She opens the door.
Simple, right?
So why am I thinking it over?
Because after last night, things don’t feel so simple anymore when it comes to Mia. Not that I’ve been coasting down easy street from the moment I met her, but this is just way out of my territory.
I have no clue what to say to her. And I always know what to say to women.
I suppose, I could just act like it never happened.