I have nowhere to go.
No friends to turn to. No family.
There’s only me.
***
I drive down the I-90 for an undetermined amount of time. I’m just staring ahead, foot on the gas pedal, putting as much distance between me and Forbes as I can.
It starts to rain, so visibility becomes poor, and my eye is starting to shut. It isn’t easy driving as I am, but with the rain pouring down, I’m going to have to pull off.
The thought of stopping terrifies me, but at the moment, I don’t have a choice.
A few minutes later, I see a sign for a service station coming up in a mile.
When the turn comes up, I pull off and follow the road round.
I park my car into the lot just outside the service motel. Shutting the engine off, I check my doors are still locked, then I examine my eye in the rear-view mirror. It’s looking bad.
I reach into the glove compartment and get out the hand wipes I keep in there. That’s when I spot my handbag sitting in the foot well where I’d dropped it earlier. Relief fills me.
I’ve got money.
There’s no way I can go back to my apartment. When Forbes gets bored of looking for me, that’s the first place he’ll go to wait. Looks like this motel is going to be my bed for the night.
I lift my bag onto the passenger seat. The papers about my mother are still there. I gently touch them with my fingertips.
My cell starts to ring, making me jump.
Forbes.
With trembling fingers, I cancel the call and switch my cell off.
I clean my face using the hand wipes. On closer examination, I see the cut is really deep. I’ll need to tape it. What it really needs is stitches, but I’m not up for stitching myself at the moment, and going to the ER is out of the question.
I can live with the scar. It’s not my first.
There should be some tape in the first-aid kit in the trunk of the car. Always prepared. That’s me. I could do with an icepack. I’ll see what the motel has.
I grab my overly large sunglasses from my bag and put them on to cover my eye. I don’t care that it’s raining. I hang my bag on my shoulder, open the door and step into the bouncing rain.
Popping the trunk, I get the first-aid kit and shove it in my bag before I head to the reception of the motel.
The female, a middle-aged clerk barely looks at me as she checks me in, which is good because I must look a complete state wearing sunglasses, soaked through to my panties and blood on my clothes.
She hands me over a key card with barely a word, so I thank her and head straight to the room. Stopping on the way, I grab a can of soda from the machine. It’ll work as a makeshift icepack.
I open the door, and I’m greeted with the stench of stale air freshener. Walking into the room, I shut the door behind me, locking it. I remove my sunglasses and put them in my bag, which I drop on the bed as I sit down. The mattress is hard and uncomfortable. I rest the cold can of soda against my eye using one hand. With the other, I curl my fingers around the edge of the bed and grip the comforter.
Then I just let go. I cry the tears I’ve needed to cry all night.
I’ve no clue how long I sit here for, crying, but when I’m finally dried eyed, I go to the bathroom and strip my clothes off.
The urge to eat and purge is overwhelming right now, but fear of going back outside keeps me in the room.
Fear is driving my every decision right now.
I wash my blood stained shirt in the sink and hang it to drip dry over the towel rail. I turn the shower on hot and climb underneath. I just need to get the stench and feel of Forbes off me, then I’ll be okay.
I’ll be okay.
Tears sting my eyes at the reminder of what just happened to me. A lump lodges in my throat, sticking there like dry wood. I suck in a deep breath to stop the tears from starting again as I pick up the hotel soap to wash myself with. When I feel as near to clean as I’m going to, I grab a towel and wrap my hair up. Then my body. I hate that I can’t brush my teeth. I’ll have to buy a toothbrush and paste in the morning.
I go back into the room and get the first-aid kit from my bag.
I clean the cut using an antiseptic wipe, then tape it up. I take a couple of Advil from the kit and swallow them down.
I really don’t want to put the clothes I was wearing back on, but they’re all I have to wear. I leave my panties off and just put my bra back on, wrapping the towel around my waist.
Climbing back onto the bed, I tuck my legs underneath me as I stare down at my bag.
The ‘Giveaway Mia’ contract and my mother’s address are still in there.
I can’t believe that she’s alive. More so, that she signed me away. Just like that. With the press of a pen to paper, she was no longer my mother.
How does that even work?
The mix of emotions I feel is confusing. I’m angry. No, I’m raging. She has been out there all this time while I had to endure growing up with Oliver.