I’m steps from the door, when I hear running footsteps down the hall. Then the door bursts open. It’s Dr. Packard with a security guard flanking her.
Thank god.
“Mia, what on earth has happened? Are you okay? We heard glass breaking, then your buzzer was going off frantic!” Her eyes sweep the room taking in the state of me and Forbes out on the bed. “Oh, my god, are you okay?”
I take a few steps toward her, stumbling, I collapse, relief taking me down.
Dr. Packard catches me, holding me in her arms. “It’s okay, Mia,” she soothes, holding me to her. “You’re going to be okay.”
But in this moment, her words aren’t so easy to believe. And all I can think is how much I wish it were Jordan’s arms around me right now.
But they never will be again.
And I only have myself to blame for that.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jordan
Day two: post-Mia…
“Jordan.”
Dad knocks on my door.
I ignore him. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.
The only one I want to keep company with is the one who understands my pain best – Dozer. He’s missing Mia as much as I am.
I hear the door open.
“Go away,” I mumble into my pillow.
Dozer lifts his head, looks up, then lays back down.
“You really need to open the window, let some air in. It stinks in here,” Dad says, ignoring me.
“I like the stink.”
Truth is, I don’t want to open the window in case the fresh air takes the scent of Mia from my bedding, disappearing just like she has from my life.
“You really need to leave this room, Jordan.” He sits on the edge of my bed. “It’s been two days. This isn’t healthy. Let’s go to the movies or something.”
I tilt my head, moving my mouth from the pillow. “Not in the mood.”
“Well, can you at least consider taking a shower because the stench in this room isn’t Dozer, it’s you.”
“I’ll shower when I’m ready.” I press my face back into the pillow.
“Look, son. I know you’re hurting right now, but it will get better.”
I snort. Then get another lung full of Mia. It makes my chest burn.
“I have been through this myself … when I was younger. With Belle—”
My muscles knot. I lift my head. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”
“I know you’re angry with your mom—”
I roll onto my back. “Angry doesn’t ever come close … I just … I don’t understand her. Why she did what she did.”
He sighs. “I didn’t either. But it’s not for us to judge. We weren’t there. We don’t know where her mind was at, or how limited she felt her choices were.”
“I just wish…” I sigh. “I just wish Mia could see the bigger picture. I wish she … I don’t know what I fuckin’ wish!” I throw my hands up in the air, feeling helpless.
What I want is to not feel this way. Like I’m fucking dying – slowly.
I turn over, putting my back to him.
“You wish she’d see past it and come back.”
Tears sting my eyes. “It’s too late now. She’s gone.”
“It’s never too late. You know how Belle broke up with me after high school, when she’d left for college. I was pretty much like you are now. I was low and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I guess I was lovesick. I just wanted to reach her … so I wrote her a letter and made her a mix-tape.”
I let out a small laugh. My first in days. “That’s pretty lame, Dad.”
“Yeah, it was.” He runs his hand over his hair, smiling lightly.
“Did you hear from her after you sent the letter and tape?”
He shakes his head. “No. I didn’t hear from her until she came back after I’d had you.”
I sit up, back against the headboard. “So you’re saying I should write Mia a letter and make her a lame ass mix-tape when it didn’t even work for you. Mom married someone else and didn’t come back to you for years.”
“No, it didn’t work for me … not right away. Doesn’t mean it won’t for you. But I’m telling you this because whether it worked in a day, or years later – it worked. She never got rid of that letter and tape, Jordan. She kept them for all those years. She never let me go, not fully. And when she needed help … needed me most, that’s how she knew she could come back. That letter and tape reminded her that she could. Reminded her of what we once had. That I’d always be there for her, no matter what.”
He gets to his feet and pats Dozer’s leg. “Come on, boy, it’s feeding time.”