Tricky Twenty-Two(65)
“I have some new FTAs,” Connie said. “They came in first thing this morning. Nothing big. Nuisance roundups if you haven’t anything better to do.”
As it happened I had nothing better to do, so I stuffed them into my bag along with Jesus Sanchez, the lawn mower bandit.
“I don’t mind riding along with you while you pick up these losers,” Lula said, “so long as we can make a Petco stop. And then I got to go to the craft store to get some charms and more jewels.”
We took my car and did the Petco run first. After Petco we made a fast stop at the craft store.
“I can’t wait to put this all together,” Lula said when she was back in the Porsche. “I don’t know if you noticed but I got a knack for embellishment.”
“I noticed.”
“Who’d Connie give you? Anybody fun?”
“I read through them while you were in the craft store. We have a drunk and disorderly, a shoplifter, and a guy who stole a snake.”
“Say what?”
“It was a four-foot python, and he stole it from a pet store that sold exotic reptiles and birds.”
“Throw that one out the window. I bet he got a house full of snakes. I’m not going near him. I don’t care if he never goes to jail and Vinnie goes broke because of him.”
“How about the shoplifter?”
“Sure. Where’s this person live?”
I pulled the file out of my bag and gave it to Lula.
“Richard Nesman,” Lula said. “He lives downtown. Trevor Court. I know that area. It’s a street of nice townhouses.”
For the most part shoplifters are an easy catch. They aren’t usually violent and they aren’t usually armed. This is even true for the professionals, like Skookie Lewis, who takes whole stacks of T-shirts and transfers them out of the Gap and into the trunk of his 1990 Eldorado for resale. Lula has been known to shop out of Skookie’s trunk.
I parked in front of Richard Nesman’s townhouse and paged through his file. He was fifty-six years old, retired, married to Larry Staples.
“You see I don’t get that,” Lula said. “I got traditional values. I mean what’s this world coming to?”
“You don’t think gay men should marry?”
“Hell, I don’t care if they marry. I’m talking about the name. You get married and you take your husband’s name. Everybody knows that. Otherwise it’s too confusing. It’s chaos, you see what I’m saying?”
“Yes, but what if they’re both husbands?”
“Say what?”
“Gee, look at the time,” I said. “We should get moving if we want to get all this done before lunch.”
I went to the door to the townhouse and knocked, and a pleasant-looking silver-haired man answered.
“Richard Nesman?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“I represent Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. You’ve missed your court date, and I’d like to help you reschedule.”
“I’m sure that’s a mistake,” Richard said. “I have it on my calendar in big red letters. It’s next Friday.”
“The court thought it was last Friday,” I said.
“That’s very upsetting. They should at least notify you if they change your date.”
Lula was standing behind me. “So what did you shoplift?” she asked him.
“Shoes.”
“Like boxes of Air Jordans or something?”
“Good heavens, no. These were Salvatore Ferragamo Sardegna Crocodile Driving Loafers.”
“Get out!” Lula said. “Those are excellent shoes. Those shoes retail at $2,400.”
“How do you know that?” I asked Lula.
“Sometimes I moonlight selling shoes. I help Skookie with the night shift. You gotta know what you’re selling.” She turned to Richard. “I could get you those same shoes for twenty-four dollars. You just gotta be careful if you wear them in the rain ’cause the color might run.”
“Is this your first arrest?” I asked him.
“Sadly, no. I’m afraid I have a compulsion to steal shoes. I like to think of it as a hobby, but not everyone sees it that way.”
“Everybody needs a hobby,” Lula said to him. “I like to bedazzle. You should switch your hobby to something more constructive like decoupage or bedazzlin’.”
•••
We left Richard with the docket lieutenant, picked up our body receipt, and returned to the office.
“I made some phone calls,” Connie said, “and I found Jesus Sanchez. He’s living with his sister on Maple Street. So far as I can see he doesn’t have a job, so you might find him at home.”