We were also both grieving over my brother, grieving over the person we both loved and lost. The memorial service was held here in the city, and the cathedral was so packed people had to stand. I wished Max could see the amount of people that came out to honor his short life. My parents stayed for several days, my mother cried a lot, and my father constantly shook his head.
Charlotte went back to work and my mother hovered in the apartment, constantly checking my wound like it was going to somehow open up and swallow me whole. But I didn’t complain. Making sure her only living son wasn’t going anywhere was part of her healing process. I knew this had been a shock to them. No one ever expected Max to be the one to go so young. If anything, my family always prepared themselves for my untimely death. Considering my old profession, it hadn’t been farfetched.
But as the days crawled by, my mother began to realize that I wasn’t going to die and my father finally convinced her to go back home.
The apartment was quiet during the day, and I spent a lot of time looking through Max’s things, remembering my brother and regretting all the time we lost.
I hoped wherever he was, he knew how much he meant to me.
Nathan and Honor flew in for the service. Actually, they flew in when I told them I was in the hospital and they stayed until after the service. It was good to see them again. They had become my family, and I realized that nothing in life would ever be as important as that.
I was finally ready to stop pushing so many people away. I was ready to take on those relationships, to embrace them, because life was too short to have regrets.
Nathan knew how I felt the minute he saw Charlotte and me together. I never told him and he never came out and asked. But he knew. Right before he and Honor flew back to North Carolina, he came to the apartment and without my asking, he gave me some advice.
“Tuck,” he said, “don’t beat yourself up too bad about the way you feel. Max wouldn’t want that. If anything, he’d want you to be the one to take care of her.”
“That’s the thing,” I told him. “I don’t feel the way I do out of obligation. I feel it because it’s real.”
Nathan smiled. “You know the PI firm sure could use a lawyer on staff to keep you and me on the up and up.”
The suggestion settled inside me; it brought me a feeling of peace. Having Charlotte with me all the time just felt right.
Right before he left that day, he gave me a very manly hug. “Love is never a mistake, my brother. Don’t let who she was with in the past keep you apart in the future,” he said into my ear. “See ya at home.”
I didn’t love Charlotte. Not yet. I wouldn’t let myself. But I knew when—if—I ever lowered those walls within me, even just a little, that loving her would be the easiest thing I ever did.
I didn’t bring up Nathan’s suggestion to Charlotte because I knew how she would react. She was back to pulling long hours at work, getting up and working out in the early morning hours, and while I knew she wanted me here, I couldn’t help but notice how she went out of her way to avoid my touch.
I might be able to get past that she used to be my brother’s, but I wasn’t sure she ever could.
I understood it.
And now it was time for me to move on. For me to go home.
The key in the door was a distinct sound, and I glanced over from my position on the couch, watching Charlotte let herself in.
She was wearing a no-nonsense suit, heels, and her hair was severely brushed back from her face. The exhaustion in her face was clear and so was her unhappiness.
“Hey,” I called.
“Hey.” She dumped her briefcase and bag on the island and stepped up beside the couch. “How did your appointment go today?”
“Doc gave me a clean bill of health.”
“Oh,” she said, not sounding as happy as I expected. “That’s wonderful.”
“Yep,” I said, deciding to test the waters. “He said I was okay to travel. So that means I can go to North Carolina.”
“You’re leaving?” she asked, her voice mildly alarmed yet resigned.
And that’s when I knew.
I knew I couldn’t walk out of here without at least trying. I wanted her too badly and I hoped she wanted me too.
“Nathan can’t do all the work at the PI firm forever.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she said, backtracking into the kitchen.
Backtracking = running away.
A few cabinets opened and closed, and I heard some liquid being poured into a glass. I stood and glanced at her. She was pouring a glass of wine.
I stifled a grin.
“What are you doing home so early?” I asked, noting it was only early afternoon.