But it wasn’t like that at all.
Yes, he looked just like Max. However, when I looked at him, all I saw was Tucker. He was a distinct man, an unreplicated version of himself.
When I thought of Max, I smiled. I felt pride we had been together. We made a great team. Together we were unstoppable. There would forever be a piece of me that missed him, a piece in my heart reserved just for him.
When I thought of Tucker…
When I thought of him, heat swam through my middle. Passion like I’d never known before took over my body and caused my hands to ache to touch him. With him, everything seemed unpredictable; everything was unscripted. It wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought those feelings might be. If anything, they made me feel alive.
All those feelings were good… yet they made me feel incredibly guilty.
Guilty that I hadn’t felt that way for Max. Guilty that my first thought when I learned Max was gone was that I lost my friend. Shouldn’t I have felt more? Watching Tucker succumb to his wound last night scared me to my bones. The unrelenting fear of him dying still left my stomach achy and weak.
Unknowingly, I told Tucker I liked him better.
It was true.
And for that I would never forgive myself.
Slight movement on the bed caught my eye, and I sat up, pushing forward. Tucker blinked, his eyes opening slowly as he stared around the room.
“You’re at the hospital, Tucker. You were shot.”
He turned his head, spearing me with those endless dark eyes. “Hey,” he rasped, his voice slightly hoarse. He smiled and it tilted my universe.
“Should I get the nurse?”
“You know what they say is the best medicine for healing a wounded man?” he asked.
“What?” I replied, knowing that whatever he asked for I would make sure he got.
“Human contact.”
That was not what I was expecting to hear.
“Come here,” he coerced, pulling his hand from beneath the cover and extending it to me.
I couldn’t deny a man who almost died for me. I pushed out of the torturous chair and stepped to the side of the bed. He slid over, grimacing a little when he moved. I bit my lip, thinking I needed to call the nurse.
“I’m fine.” He promised and held out his arm.
As carefully as I could, I slid onto the bed, stretching out alongside him, my cramped, sore muscles giving a great sigh of relief. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer so the only place to rest my cheek was on his chest.
“You’re cold,” he murmured against my hair.
“I put the blanket they gave me over you.”
I felt his lips move in my hair and my eyes fluttered closed. “Is this okay?” I asked, not wanting to hurt him.
“Perfect,” he whispered.
“Thank you,” I said, twisting my fingers in the side of his hospital gown. “For protecting me. I wish I’d done a better job at protecting you.”
His breathing was even and deep, making me think he’d once again slipped into sleep. A few long moments passed as his heat seeped into my chilled skin and my cheek pillowed itself against his chest.
“Taking a bullet was easy,” he said. “You have the hard job.”
I didn’t understand what he meant. Maybe he was confused from all the meds. “My job isn’t hard.”
“Darlin’,” he drawled sleepily, “I can guarantee you that being the keeper of my heart is most definitely not going to be easy.”
My breath caught. My entire body went numb. Did he just tell me I had his heart?
I pushed up to stare down at his face.
His eyes were closed and a light snore rose from his mouth. He was asleep. I lowered myself back against him, careful not to bump any of the wires and tubes.
He probably wouldn’t remember what he said.
But me… I was never going to forget.
29
Tucker
Underlying tension.
It simmered beneath the surface like a bubbling pot threatening to boil over at any given moment.
For almost two weeks, I was able to ignore it. We were both able to pretend it wasn’t there. But as the wound in my side healed and the sharp ache throbbing in my chest after Max’s memorial service became just a little more bearable, the tension was a lot harder to ignore.
I was still in New York City, first because the doctors told me not to travel while my wound was still fresh and then because the FBI kindly asked me to stay while they built a solid case against Wallace and his band of criminals.
Charlotte stayed with me until I was released from the hospital. She never left my side, even when I tried to order her away. She insisted that I stay at her apartment, and I didn’t argue because honestly, I wanted to be there. Charlie and I went through something together, something most people never do.