Trembling(8)
What did that have to do with anything? I looked back at Jason. "She can't stay here," I said. "She just can't."
"Zaza, you have no idea how sorry I am about everything," said Lilith.
"Don't call me that!"
"Bramford's apparently pretty horrible since your parents died and we left," said Jason. "The coven has gotten oppressive."
"I don't care," I said. I didn't.
Jason kept going. "They're convinced that they weren't successful in killing me because they weren't worthy. So everyone's been forced to participate in really bizarre rituals. Lilith's lucky to get out."
That did sound kind of awful. "So what?" I said, not ready to back down. "You don't want to be a Satanist anymore?"
"I never wanted to be a Satanist," said Lilith. "It was just peer pressure, you know? Everybody else was doing it. I wanted to run off with Toby. You heard me in the bathroom the night of Homecoming."
She had said something like that, hadn't she? Damn it. I didn't want Lilith around. Here in Bradenton, I was my own person. I was crazy and free and fun. Lilith would just remind me of who I'd been. Naïve, sweet, innocent. I wasn't that girl anymore. And I didn't need Lilith around to remind me of her.
I sighed. "If she stayed here, it couldn't be forever."
"No, I know that," said Lilith. "Just until I find something else. Get established. Maybe a few weeks. A month."
"Fine," I said.
"Really?" said Lilith. "Thank you so much." She leaped off the couch and hugged me. I didn't hug her back.
Finally, she released me. She stepped back, looking embarrassed. I didn't care. Lilith could stay here, but it didn't mean I was going to forgive her. It didn't mean we were going to be best friends anymore.
"What's Hallam think about it?" I asked Jason.
"Um, Hallam hasn't been home," said Jason.
"So, it's just been you and Lilith here?" I asked. "Talking? For hours?"
"Yeah," said Jason, giving me a funny look.
Lilith used to think Jason was really attractive. She used to joke about trying to have sex with him. Lilith was, well, promiscuous. I narrowed my eyes.
"Let me handle Hallam," said Jason.
* * *
Hallam wasn't pleased with the idea of Lilith crashing on our couch, but he eventually gave in. He said Lilith wouldn't have much privacy in our living room. I offered to give Lilith my room and stay with Jason. Hallam, of course, vetoed that idea immediately. Given the option of Jason and I "living in sin" or Lilith not having privacy, he decided her privacy was the lesser of two evils.
Truthfully, I didn't want to share a bedroom with Jason because I wanted to have sex. Not justbecause I wanted to have sex, anyway. I liked falling asleep with him. Snuggling in his arms, feeling his smooth skin against mine. I liked waking up with him. I just longed to be as close to Jason as I could, whenever I could.
We got Lilith some sheets and made up the couch for her to sleep on. By this time, it was pretty late, and we all had to be up early the next morning. Hallam had his early class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. He also had early office hours on Tuesdays. On Thursdays, he didn't go in until ten. Sometimes, on Thursdays, Hallam slept in, and Jason and I would sneak into the shower together. But more often than not, Hallam just woke up early anyway. He said it was habit.
We all went to sleep. The apartment was quiet, and I could hear Lilith shifting around on the couch, trying to get comfortable. We'd gotten the couch at Goodwill, because it had been cheap. It was less than comfortable. I tried to feel a little sorry for Lilith, but I just couldn't do it.
I was exhausted, and I fell asleep almost immediately after that. I dreamed.
In my dream, I was in the basement of my parents' house, wearing a silky black robe. The hood was over my eyes. The room was lit only with candles, and they flickered eerily. My hands were tied together. I was drunk. I stumbled as I tried to run away, but I was surrounded by other people, similarly clad in black robes. They caught me. They held me. I struggled, but they were stronger than me. Their hoods were over their faces, so I couldn't see who was who.
I elbowed random robed people. They fell back, but there was always someone else to take their place, holding me fast. They were chanting, intoning something in another language that sounded ancient and evil.
"Stop," I slurred. "Stop. I think I'm going to throw up."
Lilith was in front of me, lowering her hood. "Zaza," she said, "we have to finish the ritual."
Someone grabbed me from behind. I twisted, trying to wriggle out of his grasp, but I couldn't break free. "Hold still," said the person holding me, and I recognized his voice.