"I do so ask you," I said. "But you work later than I do, and what do you want me to do? Wait around for you to get off work before I go to the party?"
"Well, that would be horrible, wouldn't it?" Jason said sarcastically.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't know you minded."
"How could you not know? No, you just want to spent time alone with Jude."
"I don't," I said. "Jude's my friend, that's all."
"You guys looked real friendly yesterday, lying on your bed together," Jason said.
"I'd just gone through something pretty traumatic," I said. "I needed someone. You weren't there."
Jason looked stung.
"And then," I said, "the minute I told you, you just ran off again, and God only knows what you did while you were gone. You could have died. Or you could have . . ." Killed someone. "Maybe you did. I don't know. But you came back. And I had to clean you up. I had to clean it up. And I was the one who was . . ."
"I did it for you," Jason said, sounding agonized.
"What did you do, Jason? God help me, what did you do?"
Jason looked away. When he turned back to me, he'd gotten a stony expression in his eyes. His face was carefully controlled mask. "I protected you," he said. "I can protect you, Azazel."
"I don't want you to have to protect me," I said.
"Then don't go running off without me," he said. "Don't do things like that."
"You don't go running off without me either," I said, my voice shaking.
I reached out for him, and he took my hand, pulling me over to him. Against him. His arms went tight around me, like he was grabbing onto me for dear life.
"So you're just going to forgive her?" asked Lilith.
Dammit. I'd forgotten she was even there. I yanked myself away from Jason. "Why are you still here?" I asked. I turned on Jason. "What was she trying to 'show' you, anyway?"
Jason's eyes darted away from mine.
I glared at Lilith.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I was just trying to help you out, Zaza. I figured that even if you'd gotten enough courage to find your clitoris, you'd be too scared to help Jason find it."
I blushed to the roots of my hair. "That's really none of your business."
Lilith shrugged. "Well, what are you doing, anyway? I mean, you've got this amazing guy, and you're blowing him off for parties and some guy who you think is gay?"
"He is gay," I said, exasperated.
Lilith shook her head. "Not gay, sweetheart. Definitely not gay."
"And I'm not blowing Jason off," I said.
"He thinks you are," she said. "Let me tell you a little secret about men, sweetie. Men like to feel like they're needed. They like to be able to do things. You make Jason feel like he's useless. He can't party with you. He can't save you. And he can't even give you an orgasm. You keep that up for too long and even the best guy will start looking for someone who wants him."
"I want Jason," I said. "And I'm not talking about our sex life with you."
Lilith laughed. "Well, there's not much to really talk about, now is there?"
"Just shut up," I said.
"Did I strike a nerve?" she asked.
I looked at Jason. "I don't make you feel useless, do I?"
"No," he said, but he didn't sound very convinced.
I didn't know what to say. Lilith had tried to seduce my boyfriend, and he wasn't helping me get rid of her. He'd rejected her, sure, but how long would that last? Lilith wasn't on my side. She was out to get me. She could claim she was trying to help, but you didn't help someone by flirting with her boyfriend.
"I don't want Lilith to stay here anymore," I said.
"Azazel," said Jason.
"No," I said. "No more excuses. I don't trust her with you."
"Then you don't trust me," he said.
I didn't say anything.
Lilith sighed. "I've got to go to work," she said. "But I've got enough cash that I can probably afford a hotel for a few nights."
"No," said Jason, "you're not going to a hotel. I've got to work tonight too. We all need to cool down, and we'll talk about it later."
* * *
I was alone again. For hours, I tried to distract myself. I made food. I watched television. I messed around on the internet. But finally, I couldn't distract myself anymore. It was getting dark outside my house. Jason and Lilith would be getting off work soon. I paced around the house, angry and frustrated. I felt like everything in my life was disintegrating. This wasn't a new feeling for me. I'd felt it before, when Jason and I had driven out of Bramford. I'd left my family, my best friend, my boyfriend, everything I cared about. Everything had been ripped away from me. Things weren't that dire yet.