Trembling(28)

"I don't think Jude counts for much," said Jason.



"Well, what do you want, Jason? You can't be around me all the time. We both work a lot. And we don't have the same schedule at school. Who else do you think is capable of guarding me?" I couldn't help but be a little sarcastic. Jason couldn't be mad at me about this. I wasn't the one being reckless tonight. I'd gone to the range because I wanted to improve my abilities to take care of myself. It had been a preventative measure. Jason was the one who'd been out having fun. He'd been irresponsible. It was ridiculous for him to be angry with me.



Jason heaved a huge sigh. "You're pissed at me," he said.



I rolled my eyes.



Lilith bit her lip. "Maybe I should leave you two alone," she said.



I stood up. "Thanks, Lilith, but I think I'll leave. It's late, and I'm tired. I was nearly kidnapped tonight. It took a lot out of me."



I stalked back through the apartment to my bedroom and began throwing off my clothes, letting them fall in a messy pile on the floor. I yanked open my dresser drawer, took out my pajamas and began forcing on pajama pants.



There was a knock on my door.



I jerked my pajama shirt over my head and flung open the door.



It was Jason.



"What?" I demanded.



"Can I come in?" he asked.



I moved out of the doorway wordlessly.



He walked past me.



"Well?" I said, folding my arms over my chest.



"Why are you mad?" he asked. "If it's not because I wasn't there, why are you mad?"



"I'm not mad," I said.



"Right," he muttered. He crossed to me, put his hand on my cheek.



I ducked away from him.



"I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore," said Jason.



I rolled my eyes. "I'm tired, Jason," I said. "I had a rough evening. I just need to rest."



"Because," he said, "if anyone should be mad, it should be me. I mean, you didn't say anything to me about going to the range by yourself, and then all of the sudden you're there. With Jude." He said Jude's name like Jude was a leper or a mass murderer.



I couldn't believe it. I glared at him. "Listen, Jason, there is no reason for you to be jealous of Jude. He's gay for God's sake, and I'm in love with you."



"I'm not jealous of him!" Jason said. "It's just that he doesn't look out for you. Look what happened at that party over the weekend. He can't keep you safe."



"No one can keep me safe," I said. "That's ridiculous. Jude's my friend. If anything, being around me makes it less safe for him, not the other way around."



"You spend an awful lot of time with him," Jason said.



"Because he's my best friend," I said.



"When I knew you in Bramford, you didn't spend nearly as much time with Lilith as you do with Jude now, and Lilith was your best friend."



"Sure I did," I said. "I hung out with Lilith all the time. And we talked on the phone like crazy!"



"No," he said. "You didn't. You spent a lot of time with Toby, but not with Lilith."



"Who's telling you this?" I asked. "Lilith?"



"It's my own observation," he said. "Which she happens to agree with."



"Why are you two constantly talking about me behind my back?" I demanded.



"We're just talking."



"You know who it seems like you're spending a lot of time with?" I said. "Lilith. You and Lilith are really pretty friendly lately."



"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason asked.



"Well, it's not like she wasn't sleeping with my last boyfriend," I said. "How am I supposed to trust her?"



Jason's face twisted in disbelief. "What?" He took a step back. Ran his hand through his hair. "You're supposed to trust me," he said.



"I do," I said.



"So then why would you even say that?" Jason asked.



I was fuming inside. I clenched and unclenched my fingers. I looked away from Jason, at my bedroom wall. "She's not like me," I said. "She's all curvy and sexy and experienced. And you're always around her. And you're always taking her side, not mine. And I just think that she can be very manipulative."



"I can't believe you would think that about me," said Jason. "I would never . . ." He trailed off. "Look at me," he said.



I didn't.



Jason advanced on me. He snatched my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced me to look at his face. His eyes were just a few inches from my own. They blazed at me, smoldering. I could feel his breath on my cheeks. "If you think that I would ever—that I couldever—do anything like that to you, or that I would ever want anyone but you, then you don't have any idea who I am."