Trembling(19)

"You're so stubborn," said Jason.



I stood up. "You used to like that about me," I murmured.



"Azazel—" said Jason.



"No," I said. "Don't." And I walked back to my room, feeling defeated, frightened, and confused. What was going on here?

* * *

Jason cornered me. "Look at me," he said.



I glared up at him. We were just a few feet from the school building. We'd been walking for the past few blocks in silence that morning. After our discussion last night, I just hadn't felt like talking to him.



"You can't just keep ignoring me," he said.



The hell I couldn't. I was good at ignoring people. Jason should know that. He'd witnessed me ignore my ex-boyfriend Toby for an entire day. Of course, Toby and I didn't live in the same house, which had kind of made it easier. Also, I wasn't nearly as in love with Toby as I was with Jason. That made it hard too.



"I'm not mad at you," he said.



I shrugged.



"Talk to me," Jason ordered.



I focused on a spot of the sky just above his head.



"That's it," he said, taking my hand and leading me away from the school.



"But—" I said, then cut myself off. I wasn't going to speak to him.



"We're skipping Chem," said Jason.



"I've already got detention," I protested.



"We'll sign in late," he said. "We were sick. You can't get in trouble for that."



We walked for blocks, neither of us speaking. But I knew where Jason and I were headed now. We were going to a park that was near our apartment. It had a playground, complete with swings and a sandbox. Jason and I sat down on the swings. I stared down at my feet, swinging idly back and forth, tracing lines in the sandy soil with my toe.



"Azazel," said Jason. "What's wrong?"



I shrugged, concentrating on burrowing my toe in the sand underneath the swing.



"How long are you planning on ignoring me?" he said.



I shrugged again. I could ignore him forever. He should realize that. I was good at ignoring him.



Jason got up off the swing. He put his foot in the seat of it and clutched the chains. "You're acting like a six-year-old," he muttered, gazing past me out at the playground.



Insulting me wasn't going to get me to talk. It would just make me angrier and make me less likely to talk to him.



"Azazel," said Jason. "Come on."



I shook my head.



Jason sighed. "Fine," he said. "At least we're getting out of Chemistry." It was an Even day, so Jason and I had the same 1st period. He sat back down on the swing.



I glared at him. That was it? He was just going to give up? Didn't he want me to talk to him? How could he just stop trying to get me to talk? "Even Toby didn't give up that fast," I said to my shoes.



Jason vaulted out of the swing. "You did not just say that," he said.



Instantly, I felt guilty. I knew that Jason felt threatened by Toby. I really shouldn't have said that. "I'm sorry," I said.



"No, you're not," Jason said. He folded his arms over his chest. "Sorry I'm not Toby."



"Oh hell, Jason, you know that's not what I meant," I said.



"Do I know that? Because it sounded to me like you just compared the two of us and said he was better than me."



"I—" I broke off. "I didn't mean it."



Jason shook his head. "So why'd you say it?"



I shrugged. "I don't know," I said.



"You meant it," Jason said.



"No, I didn't," I insisted. "I'm sorry, really."



"Lilith said you weren't over him," said Jason.



"Lilith?" What did Lilith know about me and Toby, anyway? "Why are you and Lilith talking about me behind my back?"



"We're not talking about you behind your back," said Jason. "We were just talking. That's all."



"God," I said. "She's trying to sabotage me. I just knew it. I should never have trusted her again." Lilith was saying things about me to Jason that weren't true. It was making the little issues that Jason and I had into bigger ones. She was such a bitch. I hated her.



"She's not trying to sabotage you," said Jason. "She's trying to be your friend. She's worried about you."



"Oh, she would want you to think that, you know," I said, standing up to face Jason. "Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to manipulate you quite so easily."



"What?" Jason was incredulous. "I don't know what is up with you, but every time I talk to you, you just sound more and more paranoid. Jesus, isn't there anyone who you don't think is out to get you?"