"Fucking Adam," he grumbled when the taillights disappeared over a hill.
Jacob didn't find any answers along the deserted roadway. He did find a few blisters on his toes and a seedy motel with a vacancy. He was pretty sure the only occupants of the decrepit rooms had more than two legs and scurried close to the floor. The place was a shithole-a fitting place to reevaluate his life.
After entering his rented room, which smelled like a damp basement coated with stale cigarette smoke, he dropped his bag on the worn green quilt covering one of the beds and flopped back on the other bed to stare at a crack in the ceiling. A surge of emotions caught him so unaware that he gasped aloud.
What have I done?
He had nothing left that he cared about. Amanda hated him. His band hated him. He'd managed to destroy the career he loved. The fans would hate him for walking away, hate him for destroying Sole Regret. He knew they'd blame him since he'd taken the final step. In one shitty weekend, he'd lost everything.
I have nothing to live for.
Nothing to care about.
Nothing.
The image of his daughter's sweet, smiling face flitted through his thoughts. Jacob tugged his cellphone out of his back pocket to thumb through all the pictures he'd taken of Julie. The most recent shredded his heart. Riding the train at Austin Zoo, Julie had her head cocked slightly and was smiling her cutest, but he couldn't tear his gaze from Amanda. She looked delighted to be with them, fitting comfortably in their lives, making him think he could have everything he wanted just so she could rip it away less than a day later.
"Fuck her."
He edited the photo, cropping Amanda out of the image so that just he and Julie were visible. Apparently, it was as easy for him to erase her from his life as it was for her to delete him. Or not. Even though she was no longer visible in the photo, he knew she was there. He could practically feel the skin of her bare arm beneath his fingertips.
Swallowing the knot in his throat, Jacob flipped to the next image. It showed Julie with chocolate ice cream all over her face. He stared at the image for a long moment, his heart caught in a vice that tightened with each passing second. When he thought his heart would burst, he flicked to the next picture and started the process over again. At least he still had Julie's devotion. Well, he did until her mother managed to destroy her unconditional love for him. Jacob covered his eyes with one hand and rubbed the ache from them.
Fuck. How long would it be before his little girl hated him too?
He could never let it happen. If he did, he really would be left with nothing. He would do whatever it took to make Julie the center of his universe and keep her in that position. And he knew of only one way he could make that a reality. He had to keep her mother close and make her happy.
The delivery of a new text vibrated his phone, interrupting his emotional journey through four years of pictures. It was from Gabe. When you remove your head from your ass, give me a call, we'll work this out.
He didn't respond-let Gabe think about Shade's proposition for a few days or weeks or however long it took for him to come to Shade's side. Shade would not go crawling back and eat crow. His head wasn't in his ass, it was firmly in reality.
And the only part of his reality that didn't suck was his little girl.
Before Jacob could change his mind, he dialed Tina's number. He took a deep breath and held the phone to his ear.
When Tina answered, she said, "Julie's asleep. I told you not to call after ten. Are you capable of reading a clock, or is that beyond your mental facilities?"
Jacob closed his eyes, fighting the urge to tell her to fuck off. "Actually, I called to talk to you. I got your text messages."
"Oh," Tina whispered in an oddly breathless sigh.
"I've been thinking about what you said about making a real family for Julie."
"And?"
Jacob rubbed a hand over his face. Was he really considering this? "I agree. She deserves a stable home and to be surrounded by love."
"You agree?"
"Of course." He licked his lips, finding the courage-yes, courage-to take the next step. "Are you free for dinner tomorrow night? We need to talk about this in person."
"I'm free." Her voice was soft, full of hope.
Jacob covered the anxious knot in his belly with one hand.
"I'll pick you up at seven," he said.
"Okay."
He hung up before he could change his mind, and then he dropped his phone onto the bed beside him. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if he'd done the right thing. Wondering if he ever did the right thing. Sometimes a man had to make sacrifices to protect those he loved. And he had to protect not only Julie, but Amanda. Tina would make them both miserable if he didn't find a way to tame her wrath. His own misery was of little consequence.