I have to make sure she is safe.
I stand, stretch my arms above my head, and look down at the fire, which is now built up again. The clay pots are empty, none of the cooked grains remain from breakfast. Beh’s appetite of late is amazing. I finish my stretch and move over to the other side of the fire.
Everything has been easier this time—from the moment Beh took my hand and placed it over her abdomen to tell me there was a baby inside her until the day our son was born. I can only hope the next one is easier, too, though I don’t think there is another one growing inside of Beh yet. Hopefully the next one will be born in the spring, not the middle of winter like Lee was.
Lee’s eyes are lighter than Lah’s—and I think they might be the same color as mine. A few days after he was born, Beh pointed to my eyes and to his over and over again. They look like the color of the evergreens when the sun hits the needles. I don’t know what color hair he will have because he is still almost completely without.
As soon as I sit, Beh drops a piece of leather over my lap and lays Lee in the middle of it. I hold him as he wriggles and squirms, and his mother uses bits of cloth and warm water to wash him completely like she does every day. She does not want him dirty at all and washes him much more frequently than she ever did Lah. I don’t understand, but when it comes to my mate, I rarely do.
I am content again, though. My nightmares stopped not long after we realized another baby was coming though Beh still sometimes cries out for Lah in her sleep. She did last night, but when I held her close, she settled down. I remember how scared she seemed, and I look up to her face.
“Luffs!”
Beh looks up at me and smiles, which is what I want. She takes the end of the cloth and wipes my cheek with it. There is probably soot on my face from when I was cooking breakfast. The water feels good and cools me off.
Lee doesn’t seem to like it, though, and cries and squirms, trying to get out of my arms and crawl away. He’s been crawling all over the cave for several days now and even managed to find his way to the outside the previous morning. Now he heads for the crack of the cave every time he’s let loose.
Beh laughs as I hold Lee up, and she finishes his cleaning. When she is done, I lay him down, hoping he will sleep a while so I can put another baby in Beh, but Lee doesn’t cooperate. With a giggle, Beh pushes us both outside, and I take Lee to the field to let him crawl naked through the grass while I use a piece of flint to sharpen up a new spear. I need to hunt antelope for their skins though the variety of meat would also be welcome.
Lee rolls over to his side and peers at me with squinted eyes. He pushes his chubby body to a sitting position and pulls at the grass around him. Then he looks back to me.
“Da da da da da da da!”
He makes as much noise as his mother. I worry he will never be quiet enough to become a hunter and provide for his mate. Of course, I also wonder where he will find a mate. Siblings are not good mates, and that is all we can give him. Someday, we are going to have to go looking for other people. I can only hope to find a tribe who will be friendly. For the time being, I have been searching for a larger cave, but I haven’t found any bigger or better than where we live now.
“Ma ma ma ma!” Lee raises his arms in the air and bounces up and down on his bottom. I hear Beh coming out of the cave behind me, and I turn to watch her, naked and glorious in the summer sunshine. She goes immediately to our child and picks him up in her arms, nuzzling his cheek with her nose. He grabs at her breast, which makes her laugh. She carries him over and sits beside me to feed him.
I put down the flint and spear and turn to face her, reaching out and picking them both up to place them in my lap. I wrap my arms around Beh’s middle, giving Lee my forearms to lie upon while he nurses. He seems to be the most comfortable that way. Anytime I can, I hold Beh when she nurses the baby. When we are all close together like that, I can run my nose over Beh’s neck, smell her hair, and watch Lee, too.
Beh makes quiet sounds as Lee stares at her face and sucks. His little hand rests possessively right above her nipple, and he grasps at it repeatedly as if he needs the reassurance that it is still there and still full of milk. I lay my head on Beh’s shoulder, and we both look out over the field toward the pine trees and watch the birds soar across the sky.
The day is not too hot, but sun is warm. I close my eyes to its warmth and tilt my head up a little. After a few minutes, Beh lifts Lee and turns him to her other breast so he can complete his meal.
It’s making me hungry, too.
Beh turns her head so she can see me better, and the smile on her face encompasses my heart. She reaches up and lays the palm of her hand against my cheek.