With my thumb, I reach up to brush the tear from her eye, and her gaze drops with her hand. She touches her stomach for a moment and then waves her hands in the air as she makes more loud sounds. I cringe at the sound, and Beh sighs heavily before taking my face in her hands again.
Her mouth moves, and soft sounds come forth. I close my eyes and wish the sounds would stop, and she would just let me be inside of her.
She doesn’t.
The next day, we go back to the lake, taking the hide on a stick with us. Though I still marvel at how well it works to carry things back to our cave, I can’t concentrate on anything. I haven’t slept well in three nights now, and I am tense and frustrated with my mate.
It is a little warmer, and Beh removes her wrap and the little pink bits of cloth to wash herself in the lake. Just looking at her body upsets me, knowing that for whatever reason, she will no longer let me touch her in that way.
Beh reaches down into the water with one of the little pieces of fabric she cut up and uses it to rub soaproot under her arms and around her neck.
I want her, and not being allowed to have her is really, really making me angry.
With a growl, I pick up the piece of flint I have been working on, turn, and stomp toward the edge of the forest. I hear Beh call to me, but I ignore her. I plop down in the grass away from her and turn my back, not even glancing in her direction as I continue to pretend to work.
The flint piece is too small, and the rock I use to knock pieces away from the core of the stone is too hard for any delicate work, even when I reduce it to a usable size. It ends up breaking, so I mostly tap away at the pieces, flicking bits of sharp flint all over the place and not really caring what I might end up with when I am done. Beh calls to me as she finishes her bathing, and I look up to see her walking toward me.
I glare at her out of the corner of my eye but don’t move. She places her hands on her hips, and loud sounds come from her mouth. Raising my shoulder a little blocks my vision because of the thick wrap around me, and I can’t see her glaring eyes. My head already aches from the lack of sleep and the glaring sun, so I turn away from her and begin to tap at the flint again.
Beh goes quiet, and a moment later I look up, just to see where she is. She is only barely visible at the edge of the water where she sits near the large, flat rock where she usually tries to shape clay. She smashes her fingers into the muck and smacks it around on the stone. I go back to my own work after a couple of deep breaths.
I don’t know if I am angry about her rejection, sad about it, or afraid she will never let me touch her again. Memories of being alone through the last winter—the nights of howling winds, the cold chill as I huddled by the fire and stared at the embers, and the pain in my stomach that was not just from hunger—flood through my head. As I remember what it is like to be without anyone, I realize that if Beh never lets me put my penis inside of her again, having her with me is still be better than how it was. As long as she lets me hold her close to my chest, protect her, and keep her warm, everything will be all right.
With her, I feel complete and content.
I smile a little at the realization. Even though she does not let me inside of her, she still lets me put my mouth on hers, and she still stays in my cave. She keeps me company in our furs at night, and when she smiles at me, I feel warm inside.
I don’t care about anything else.
I brush the flint chips from my lap and look up at my beautiful mate as she smashes clay against a rock. I stare at her as my smile brightens, and just as I am about to get up and go to her, movement near the edge of the forest closest to Beh captures my attention.
There is a man approaching her quietly from behind.
His hair is light in color and tied back against his neck with a piece of sinew, and his beard is thick. He wears fur wraps much like my own—from the simple cloak around his shoulders to the tied and wrapped fur piece around his midsection that hangs part way down his thighs. He has foot and leg coverings that nearly reach his knee. He is older and larger than I am, and he walks with purpose toward my mate.
Everything happens in the flash of time it takes me to get to my feet.
Without hesitation, he grabs Beh around her waist, and she lets out a startled cry as he pushes her to the ground. I can see the look on her face turn from annoyance to terror as she tilts her head to look over her shoulder and realizes the man behind her is not me. His hand comes between her shoulder blades as he pulls at the ties on his wrap and tries to place himself between Beh’s legs.
I know exactly his intent.
He wants to put his baby inside my Beh.
With a roar, I rush toward the lake.
The other man turns to me, his eyes wide with shock. He hadn’t seen me when he approached her since I was nearly hidden at the other edge of the pine forest. Now he turns toward me with Beh still in his grasp. She cries out, her arms and legs flailing against him as he tries to maintain his grasp around her body.