Transcendence(20)

I try to grab onto her arms, but she is very, very wiggly! I only want to take care of her, help her clean off the blood from the antelope, and show her I can be a good mate for her, but she won’t let me!

I growl again and manage to catch her wrists in my hands. I hold them down at her sides until she stops struggling and glares at me. Her chest rises and falls as she slowly relaxes her muscles. When she eventually seems to calm down, I release her and start to pull at her strange clothing again, but she yells at me.

“Ehd, NO!” Beh raises her hand and smacks me on the nose.

I step back in shock.

Finally, after a moment’s hesitation, I realize how wrong I have been about her.





CHAPTER FOUR





My nose hurts.

I blink my eyes a few times while I try to figure out what just happened. One minute I was going to help my mate into the lake to get clean, and the next thing I know, she’s yelling and…and…

Did she just…just…hit me?

In the nose?

A hundred different thoughts and emotions go through my head all at once. At first, I am angry, and I want to lash out at her—even hit her back. Then I remember that she is my mate, and I am supposed to protect her. How could I keep her safe if I hit her? I am much bigger than she, and I could hurt her if I struck out at her in anger. She will also be afraid of me if I hurt her, and I don’t want that. Then I become frustrated because I have no idea why she would hit my nose when I am only trying to take care of her.

Slowly, I begin to comprehend, and pain rips through my chest.

I think back to her reaction the first time I touched her shining hair, the way she did not want to take meat from my hand, and how she cried when I brought her to my furs. I remember how she didn’t want to relieve herself near my cave or come with me to the lake. Once we got here, she didn’t even want to look at me.

She doesn’t like me.

I thought when she gave me her name-sound that she would take me as her mate, but she hit me on the nose, so I must have been wrong. She does not want me—not at all.

Beh doesn’t want me for a mate.

I take a short step back, and my eyes drop to the stony shore of the lake. It feels like my entire body is trying to melt right into the rocks below my feet. Closing my eyes for a moment, I recall the first few hours after I realized my tribe was gone, and I was the only survivor. After searching for more people almost an entire cycle of seasons, I remember finding the cave I live in now and resigned myself to being alone.

I will still be alone.

I’m not prepared to give her what she needs, and she does not want to share my cave. I don’t have enough to offer her, and she hit me in the nose to let me know she does not find me acceptable.

“Ehd?”

I take a quick step back, realizing I have just been standing there staring at the ground for a long time. I glance up into Beh’s face for a moment, but knowing now that she doesn’t want me, I don’t want to look at her and see how beautiful she is. I don’t want to see what I can’t have.

My eyes land on the fish I caught earlier, and there is an ache in the center of my chest. For a moment, I want to hurl them out to the center of the lake out of spite, but I don’t seriously consider wasting food. I caught them for Beh, and they are still hers.

I walk slowly over to where the fish are drying out on a rock near my clothes. I grab the first of my fur wraps and tie it around my waist. I had intended to tie the fish to the leather strap that holds my water skins to carry them back to the cave, but now I don’t think that is going to happen. Instead, I take my outer fur and place the fish in the center of it, wrapping the edges around so they don’t fall out. I stand up and walk back to her, drop down to the ground in front of her, and hold out the wrapped fish.

At least she will have something to eat tonight.

“Ehd-”

I don’t look up even though I recognize my name-sound in the sounds she is making. I wish she would let me take care of her, but I also understand. Why would she want me as a mate? I have nothing to offer her, not even a decent mat to sit on in the cave.

If I had known, if I had realized she was coming, I would have done it all differently. As it is, I would do anything for another chance to win her. I wish there were something as simple as another male to fight for her. At least then I would know exactly why I lost.

She takes a step forward, and I close my eyes to wait for her to take the wrapped fish from my hands. I don’t want to watch her turn and walk away from me. Maybe I had been wrong all this time, and she has a tribe nearby. Maybe she had just wandered a little too far and fallen into my trap. I don’t know, and though the idea of a tribe of people close to me would have thrilled me a few days ago, now the thought turns my stomach. If she is from a tribe close to me, she probably already has a mate. I would not want to be somewhere where I had to watch Beh be with another mate.