The words hung there between them while the only good thing in his life fell apart. “No. You can’t go! You promised. You said—”
“I know! But it’s only for now, Cody. It’s only temporary—”
“I knew you’d do this! I knew you’d take the easy way out and leave me! I knew it!” Some part of his brain knew he was being unfair, but he didn’t care. All he knew was that Nate was breaking his heart after promising not to, and Cody tried to push him away, fighting to keep from crying. “I knew I’d end up here alone in the end. I never should have believed you! I never should have trusted anything you said!”
Nate refused to let him go. He held on to Cody’s arms, and Cody’s rage seemed to wash away as quickly as it had come. It wasn’t Nate’s fault. He knew that, and he could tell by the tears welling up in Nate’s eyes that he was grieving too.
“It doesn’t change anything,” Nate said, his voice hoarse. “All it means is, we arrive in Iowa City separately instead of together.”
Cody shook his head. “But . . . I can’t stay here without you. I can’t . . .” He couldn’t manage more than that without bursting into tears, and he didn’t want to do that.
“Listen to me. Please? I only have a few minutes.”
Cody nodded, letting Nate pull him close again. Letting himself be wrapped up in the familiar warmth of Nate’s embrace.
“I don’t know what will happen when I get to Chicago. My aunt’s already enrolled me in school so I can still get my diploma. And you want to finish high school too. It’d be silly to quit now, with graduation only two months away.”
Cody nodded. “May thirtieth.” He said it into Nate’s shoulder, his voice barely a whisper, but Nate seemed to have heard him, because he chuckled.
“Exactly. That means June first is a little soon, but July first seems doable.”
Cody pulled back a bit so he could look up into Nate’s face. “For what?”
“For us to meet in Iowa City.”
Cody blinked, torn between wanting to believe and not wanting to have his heart broken all over again.
Nate put his hand against Cody’s cheek and leaned closer, almost kissing him. “I mean it, Cody. July first, I’ll be there. And I’ll wait for you, either until you arrive, or until you tell me you don’t want me anymore.”
“No. That won’t happen.”
“Then you’ll come?”
It didn’t matter what Cody said because by then, Nate wouldn’t want him anymore. He was positive. Nate would get to Chicago and meet somebody else, and by the time July first rolled around, Cody would be nothing but a memory.
“Cody?”
“I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. I’m not giving up on us. I want you to tell me you aren’t either.”
Cody just shook his head, unable to speak past the lump in his throat. Nate was leaving. That was the only thing he knew. Nate was leaving him behind to die in Warren, just like Logan.
“Tell me you believe me.”
“I don’t.”
“Then tell me how to convince you.”
“I wish I knew.”
Nate laughed—a strained, sad sound, but a laugh nonetheless. “I swear, you’re as impossible now as the day I met you behind the stupid ICE cooler.”
Cody almost smiled, remembering that moment. Remembering how he’d envied Nate’s car and his house in the Grove and his ridiculous class ring.
And suddenly, he knew.
He took Nate’s hand, glancing up to judge his reaction as he slid the ring off Nate’s finger.
Nate shook his head. “Now I feel like an idiot. I probably should have thought of that ages ago.”
Cody held it tight, not ready to put it on yet, but somehow feeling better, simply holding that piece of Nate in his hand.
Beeeep, beeeep.
The car horn cut into the moment, wiping the smiles from both their faces at once.
“I have to go.”
Cody managed to whisper, “Okay.”
“Tell me you’ll be there. Tell me you’ll meet me.”
“I will.” He’d walk all the way to Iowa if he had to. “I’ll be there.”
Nate pulled him close and kissed him, somehow putting all his sorrow and all his hope into that one simple gesture. And when he broke the kiss, Cody spoke quickly, wanting to finally be the one to say it first.
“I love you.”
Nate’s smile actually reached his eyes this time. “When it’s dark enough, you really can see the stars.” He touched Cody’s cheek, kissed him one more time as the horn blared again outside. “I’ll see you in July.”