Trailer Trash(61)

“I know—”

“He wouldn’t have been stuck here, don’t you see? He had more than the oil wells or the coal mines to look forward to. It should have been me! Nobody would care if I died.”

“That’s not true,” Nate said, holding Cody tighter. “I’d care.”

“I wish it had been me.”

“No,” Nate said simply, shaking his head. “No.”

Cody settled closer, his tears subsiding again. One arm snuck around Nate’s waist, and Nate’s heart swelled. He rubbed Cody’s back, making soft shushing sounds until Cody sighed and shifted his weight, pulling away a bit and tilting his head back to look up at Nate. The light from the porch fell through the kitchen window to be reflected off Cody’s damp cheeks.

“Thank you for coming over.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I feel like a jerk for crying all over you.”

“I don’t mind.”

Quite the contrary. He didn’t like seeing Cody in pain, but he appreciated having an excuse to be so close to him. It might have been arousing if Cody hadn’t been so distraught. Nate brushed a lingering tear from under Cody’s eye, then continued the caress, letting his fingers tangle into Cody’s black hair. They were almost nose to nose. It would have taken so little to close that gap—to simply claim Cody’s lips with his own. Nate knew how he’d taste—how the tears would have turned his tongue salty—and he almost moaned with the desire that rose up in him, seeing Cody look at him like that.

But he stopped himself.

This wasn’t the time. Not when Cody was wracked with grief over Logan.

“He wasn’t your only friend, you know. I’m sure that’s how it felt, these last few months. And that’s my fault, for being such an idiot, but I won’t leave you like that again.” He wasn’t sure if he saw doubt in Cody’s eyes, or if it was only his own guilt making him think so. “I promise, you still have one friend left.”

Cody leaned closer, and for one amazing second, Logan thought maybe Cody would take matters into his own hands and initiate a kiss himself, but he didn’t. “Promise me something else?” His voice almost cracked as he said it.

“Anything.”

“Let your dad buy you a truck. Please. Don’t make me lose you too.”

Nate almost laughed. He’d already made the agreement with his dad anyway. He wasn’t giving up his Mustang, but that didn’t mean he had to court death. “Okay.”

They stayed like that for a moment, lingering on that promise. Nate thought again how easy it would be to kiss Cody, but he found himself thinking of Logan. Wondering when Logan had last kissed Cody. Wondering how long it would be before Cody could kiss somebody and not think of Logan while he did it.

Now who’s being selfish, Nate?

Cody sat back on his heels and wiped his face. The motion moved him away, taking him out of Nate’s reach. Nate mourned the loss a bit, but he was also relieved to be able to stretch his legs and his back. And seeing the peanut butter had made his stomach grumble.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

Nate waited, trying not to smile. It seemed wrong to smile. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“No.”

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” Because Nate knew how grief could make somebody forget to check in with their stomach.

It took Cody a second to answer. “I guess maybe I am.”

“We could go downtown—”

“Uptown.”

“Uptown, then, and get ham-fried rice and sweet and sour pork.” The black-and-white labels in the cabinet caught his eye. He had no idea how much money Cody made at the Tomahawk, but he didn’t want that to be an issue. “My treat.”

Cody shook his head. “I don’t want to go in there.” Already, his voice was threatening to crack again. “All those people. Everybody will be talking about—”

“You’re right.” In such a small town, something as juicy as two teenagers dying in a gruesome car wreck would certainly have everybody buzzing. “How about if I go pick it up and bring it back here instead?”

Cody looked like he was trying to smile, even if he wasn’t exactly doing a bang-up job of it. “I haven’t eaten there in years.”

“Does that mean yes?”

“Do they still have those little fried crab things? The ones with the cream cheese?”

“I have no idea, but if they do, I’ll get you some.”

This time, Cody’s smile looked a bit more genuine, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Okay.”