Trailer Trash(52)

They were on their second rotation when he spotted Cody.

He was so surprised, he stopped short. Cody was the last person he expected to see at the dance, but there he was, not only present, but actually laughing like he was having fun. He was standing next to Logan. Of course. Logan always seemed to be near Cody these days. Nate couldn’t help but hate him for it. But as he watched, Logan’s sister walked up and tapped Logan on the shoulder. He turned to talk to her, leaving Cody alone for the moment.

Nate and Stacy kept turning, taking Cody out of his view, but not out of his thoughts. Had Cody seen him? Had he wondered why Nate was here with Stacy? Had he made assumptions about Nate’s intentions or about his exact relationship with her? He turned his head as they neared a complete rotation again, wanting to find Cody.

He was still right where he’d been before, but this time, he was looking at Nate. It was unnerving, and yet, Nate didn’t want to turn away. Cody looked the same as always—in a pair of jeans and one of his least-ratty shirts, his hair beginning to hang in his eyes because he hadn’t had it cut in a while, and Nate stood, transfixed, no longer thinking to keep up his slow rotation with Stacy. She moved closer. Nate noted how warm she felt. How scratchy her dress was against his wrists. She was about the same height as Cody, and with the same black hair, even though hers was longer. She settled her head on his shoulder. And still, he kept his eyes on Cody, wondering if that’s how Cody’s hair would feel too.

His pulse quickened, blood suddenly heading for places below the belt. Nate scooted back a bit, trying to think of other things, not wanting to pop wood while dancing with the good Mormon girl. He succeeded, but he couldn’t stop wondering how it would feel to dance like this with Cody.

He wanted to find out. He knew that with the same surety he knew the sun would rise in the east. Whatever was happening with Stacy didn’t matter a bit. All he wanted was to walk over to Cody. To hold out his hand and pull Cody onto the dance floor.

Not that he seriously considered that an option. They’d be lucky if they managed to get kicked out of the dance before somebody kicked their asses. But still, he kept his eyes on Cody, trying to somehow tell him he was sorry, that he was wrong, that he was an idiot.

Cody turned away and walked out of the gym, and Nate watched as Logan caught up to him in the hallway. Logan was at least six inches taller than Cody, and he ducked his head, leaning close, displaying an intimacy that made Nate’s stomach writhe with jealousy. They talked for just a moment, and then Logan put his arm around Cody’s shoulders, turning him toward the door just as Jimmy Riordan and Larry Lucero passed them. He suspected neither Logan nor Cody saw the way Jimmy and Larry both turned to watch them together as they passed. Logan pulled Cody close, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces, and then—

Logan kissed him.

It was brief. Just a peck on the top of Cody’s head, but Nate went cold, all the way to his toes. He felt as if his stomach had somehow fallen past his legs to land on the dirty gym floor.

“Guess the fag got himself a new boyfriend,” Larry said to Jimmy as they walked past where Nate and Stacy were dancing.

And the worst part was, there was nothing in the world Nate could do about it.





It was snowing when Nate left the dance, and for a minute he simply stopped, staring up at the cold sky. Huge, fluffy flakes landed on his cheeks. It should have been dark out, but it wasn’t. Clouds obscured the moon and stars, but the sky glowed faintly white, reflecting light from the streetlamps, making it almost as bright as daytime, except that the entire world had been muted to shades of gray.

“It’s snowing!” he said. He thought he might have laughed with delight if his heart weren’t aching so much over Cody.

The Mormons all shook their heads, chuckling at him good-naturedly. “You won’t be that excited about it when it’s still snowing in March.”

It continued all night, and all day Sunday, and Nate sat staring out the window, going around in circles in his head, arguing with himself endlessly until he thought he was going mad.

Cody’s dating Logan.

No, he isn’t. That’s ridiculous. Logan isn’t gay. You heard him say so himself at the bowling alley.

But boy, he was awfully defensive when Larry Lucero called Cody a fag. He was pretty quick to say that it wasn’t anybody’s business. Maybe it was because he really is like Cody. Maybe he said that to cover the fact that he’s sleeping with Cody.

No. They’re friends. Nothing more.

But he kissed Cody. Right there in the school, with me and Larry and Jimmy all watching.

That doesn’t mean anything.