He was saved by Logan’s sister, Shelley, who tapped Logan on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I had an idea.” Logan turned away, stooping a bit so they were eye to eye and he could converse with her without having to yell over the music.
Cody leaned against the wall, his eyes scanning the gym. It wasn’t too bad, really. Sure, the music sucked, and Logan was his only friend, but things could’ve been worse.
Then his eyes landed on Nate and Stacy.
Yeah, Cody. It’s worse.
He’d somehow avoided looking at Nate up until this point. He’d almost even avoided thinking about him. But now, Nate was all he could see. He wanted to look away—wanted to walk outside and have a smoke, at the very least—but he couldn’t take his eyes off Nate. And then Nate and Stacy turned his way, doing that stupid little circle that apparently qualified as slow dancing at school dances, and Nate’s eyes locked on to his.
It made Cody’s stomach squirm and his heart do horrible, fluttery things. It made him want to hide, to dive deep into that quiet place inside where he didn’t have to feel anything, but at the same time, he wanted to stay right where he was, just soaking Nate in. He was scared and thrilled and utterly powerless to do anything but watch Nate.
Nate, dancing with Stacy.
Except, maybe not really. Because Cody felt sure Nate wasn’t thinking about Stacy at all. He felt sure something was happening that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Nate and Cody, as if everybody else in the gym had disappeared and they were the only two people left on earth.
It was ridiculous. Nate had practically run screaming in fear after Cody had spilled his guts about being gay. And why in the hell had he started babbling about blowjobs and handjobs anyway? He could have kicked himself for being so stupid, but it had felt like such a relief to finally say it out loud. To finally have somebody he could voice his uncertainties to. And then, to actually kiss Nate, to see the way Nate responded to his touch. It had felt absolutely perfect.
Right up until Nate bolted, at any rate.
But Nate wasn’t bolting now. He wasn’t moving closer either, but Cody was sure that was only because of where they were. Because of the dance, and Stacy, and the knowledge that whatever happened between them would be seen by everybody in school. Stacy moved closer to Nate, and Nate settled his cheek against the side of her head, but still, his eyes stayed locked on Cody’s. Nate’s hands moved on Stacy’s hips, the casual motion somehow significant, somehow making Cody’s skin tingle. Somehow making him sure Nate was thinking about him.
But why would he be?
Cody winced and ducked his head, not wanting to see Nate and Stacy together anymore. He’d been jealous his whole life. Jealous of people with money and new clothes, of kids who had fathers there for the birthdays and mothers who had respectable jobs. He was jealous of many things, yes, but he’d never been so jealous of a girl simply for being where she was. But seeing Nate with Stacy, Cody was filled with a jealousy so strong and foul, he was almost ashamed. Stacy seemed like a nice enough girl. She’d certainly never done anything to Cody. But why did her happiness have to include Nate? At that moment, Cody would have done anything to be the one in Nate’s arms.
That thought hit him like a bolt of lightning, almost blinding him with its brilliance. It wiggled down his spine, making his stomach do somersaults, making him feel suddenly too hot and too itchy and entirely too exposed. Cody found himself again staring into Nate’s eyes.
Jesus, why the fuck was he such a goddamned fool? What was he doing here, leaning against the gym wall, trying to communicate with Nate from what felt like half a mile away, while still feeling as if Nate was in his space, in his face, in his head, seeing every insecurity he’d ever had? He wanted to cry. Or to run. Or maybe just to give up and tell Nate that he was so fucking crazy about him he couldn’t even think straight.
That thought almost made him smile.
Can’t even think straight.
Except, Nate was straight. And Cody was the town’s biggest idiot.
He turned away—away from the dance, away from whatever it was Nate was trying to tell him from across the room—and headed for the door. At least he had a warm coat now. Walking home would be better than staying there, seeing Stacy have the only thing in the world Cody really wanted.
He’d barely made it out the open door of the gym before Logan caught him in the hallway, laying one big hand on Cody’s shoulder.
“Cody, wait.” Even in the hallway, the music was loud, but at least the lights were on. Logan bent his head closer to Cody’s to talk, rather than shouting. “You leaving already?”