Trailer Trash(41)

She took his other hand and guided it to her thigh, grinding against him a bit as they kissed, and Nate tried to ride the thrill to its obvious conclusion. He tried to tell himself this was good and right and wonderful, even though his stomach was in knots and his penis definitely wasn’t doing what he knew she’d expect it to do.

Christine moved off him quickly, and he felt an instant of relief, thinking maybe he’d screwed up enough that she’d given up, but no such luck. She pulled off her sweater and let her bra drop to the floor, leaving her naked from the waist up. Her breasts were smaller than he imagined, her pink nipples hard and pointing his way. She undid her jeans and peeled them off before kicking them away. She was wearing only a lacy pair of black panties.

She put her hands on her waist, throwing one hip out, striking a pose, giving him a teasing pout. “Is that all the reaction I get?”

He cleared his throat, trying to think of what to say. Seeing her almost naked was exciting, in its own way. He’d never seen naked breasts outside of magazines or movies. But he was still pretty sure he wasn’t reacting the way he should. His stomach felt like it was full of lead. His palms were beginning to sweat.

“You’re beautiful,” he told her. It was true, even if he wasn’t able to put as much desire behind it as he would have liked.

She smiled and moved back onto his lap, kissing him again.

Touching her breasts felt awkward, so he put his hands on her thighs. Her skin there was warm and silky smooth. He wasn’t sure he wanted things to go any further, but he had to know. He had to find out if he could make himself enjoy this as much as other boys seemed to.

He slid one hand upward until he found the place between her legs. She gasped, rising a bit to give him room, and he wiggled his fingers under the elastic, exploring more than stroking, although she didn’t seem to mind. He found hair, and hot flesh, and there, in the center, a slippery entrance. He tested it, circling, pushing just a bit, surprised at how wet it was, and how warm, but he felt nothing beyond a bit of curiosity. He wasn’t even remotely aroused. It was nothing like when Cody had touched him.

Jesus, maybe he really was gay.

And Christine had spent too many birthdays watching out the window for her father.

And none of this should be happening.

“Stop,” he said, pulling his hand from under her. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“It’s okay. My mom won’t be home until tomorrow, and my brother doesn’t care.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

She leaned back a bit to look at his face. “Really?”

He remembered again Cody’s comment about girls who couldn’t say no. He hated what he’d let himself do. A moment ago, he’d been curious, but now, he felt nothing but shame. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let things go this far—”

“What are you talking about? I wanted you to.” She smiled flirtatiously and slid her hand down his chest toward his groin. “We could do more, if you want.” She unzipped his pants, and Nate jumped in alarm.

“No!” He stopped her hands, hoping she didn’t hear how close he was to panic.

Or to tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, feeling like an idiot for repeating himself over and over, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. “I’m so, so sorry. I just . . .” He sighed in frustration, putting his face in his hands. Unfortunately, one of them now smelled wrong, and he jerked it away, his stomach turning. He wished he’d never come to Christine’s stupid party.

“Is this a religious thing?” she asked. “Are you freaking out because it’s a sin?”

“Yes!” It was a lie, but he grasped at it readily enough. “I’m still a virgin.” And maybe he should have been embarrassed saying it, but he wasn’t. He moved her carefully off his lap and stood, zipping his pants as he did. He picked her sweater up off the floor and handed it to her, trying not to see her naked breasts as he did, just wanting her to cover herself so he’d be able to look at her again. “I’m sorry. I know it was terrible of me to take advantage of you like that. I know I shouldn’t have. I know it was wrong. I just got carried away, and—”

“Stop!” she said, smacking his shoulder playfully. To his surprise, she was laughing. Her breasts swung as she leaned over to pick up her bra. “You didn’t take advantage of me, you big prude. I’m the one who dragged you into my bedroom. I’m pretty sure I jumped you, not the other way around.”

“I . . . uh . . .” His heart was still pounding, his hands shaking, his stomach twisted with shame. He just wanted to get out of her bedroom and out of her trailer and away from Warren, Wyoming. “So, you’re not mad?”