But something stopped him. He couldn’t quite bring himself to bridge the gap. He grasped about for something to say, his mind reeling.
All the rumors were true. Cody really was gay.
“Aren’t you worried about AIDS?” He hated himself the minute the words left his mouth. Was that really the only thing he could come up with to say?
Cody laughed. It was a laugh Nate had heard many times—a laugh that told him Cody thought he was being a dumbass. “It’s an STD. You know what that stands for? Sexually. Transmitted. Disease. That means I’d have to actually have sex with somebody to catch it.”
“What about Dusty?”
“First of all, he was my first. And I was his first too. So there’s no way either of us had it when we started. And second, he and I . . .” Cody kept his face averted, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s not like we did everything, you know? I mean, we fooled around, yeah. But, well, I don’t know exactly about the things we did, to tell you the truth, whether it can spread like that or not. But we never, well, you know, we never fucked, okay? And like I said, neither of us had ever done anything like that before, so there’s no reason to think either of us would have it now.”
“Right.” Nate wasn’t as embarrassed for asking as he was for having forced Cody to answer. “I guess that makes sense. I just hadn’t ever thought about—”
“Do you think it gets spread through blowjobs?” Cody suddenly asked. “I’ve kind of wondered that, but I don’t know who to ask.”
“Hell, I don’t know.” The question triggered a flood of erotic images in Nate’s brain—Cody naked, Cody with an erection, Cody with a cock in his mouth, Cody on his knees, looking up at Nate with those teasing eyes of his, and suddenly Nate’s erection was back, the longing in his balls stronger than ever. Jesus, what was wrong with him?
“I figured handjobs were safe enough,” Cody said, his words gaining momentum now that the truth was out, as if he’d been dying to ask somebody this question. Maybe he had.
But all Nate could think about was Cody’s warm fingers wrapped around his cock. Or maybe his lips. He wanted to know how that would feel. Nate’s erotic dream starring Cody was bright and vivid in his mind, and he wanted desperately to kiss Cody for real, to touch him, to make him come as hard as Dusty had, but Cody was oblivious to his discomfort.
“Nobody’s ever told me if you can catch AIDS from a blowjob or not. I tried looking in the school library, but of course they don’t have anything like that there. I guess it don’t matter, ’cause I knew Dusty and I were both clean, but—”
“Stop.” Jesus, he had to get away. He would have stood up and left already if he weren’t worried about Cody seeing his erection. “Look, I need to go.”
Cody sighed. “I figured. You can’t hang out with the kid from the Hole.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“Okay. So what’s the problem? Is it the lies about my mom? Or is it what I told you about Dusty?”
Nate hung his head. He was embarrassed to say it, but he couldn’t deny how aroused he was, listening to Cody talk. “Dusty,” he whispered.
“I won’t hit on you or anything, I promise.”
“That’s not the problem.” Or maybe it was.
“You afraid it’s contagious? You afraid I’ll make you a fag too?”
Nate shook his head. “No.”
But he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t possibly tell Cody the real reason he was suddenly so desperate to escape. Even now, his erection refused to wane.
Cody didn’t say anything else. Nate waited for his next accusation, but it didn’t come. The silence stretched on for ages.
Finally, Nate forced himself to look over. He couldn’t hold his head up and face Cody directly, but he glanced at him sideways to try to gauge his reaction.
Cody was staring right at him, obviously waiting for him to make eye contact. He didn’t say a word. He kept his eyes locked on Nate as he slowly reached across the expanse between them. He put his hand on Nate’s thigh, and every inch of Nate’s body seemed to come alive. It was as if his entire awareness shrank—or maybe it expanded—to that one spot where Cody’s hand rested on his leg. That tiny bit of contact made his blood race.
“Is this why?” Cody asked quietly.
Oh God, yes, this was why! The fact that Cody was all he could think about. That his smile took Nate’s breath away. Nate couldn’t even look at him without longing for him to be closer, but that was wrong. He needed to pull away, to run back home, to hide in his safe, Orange Grove world, because his only other option was to push much, much closer, and he was terribly afraid to let that happen.